Wally's Poems

My "Song of Myself"

My Father and I knelt on the ground, digging up five small saplings.

We dug from beneath a large red maple.

We dug up three green…and two red.

We dug up one for my Mom…We dug up one for Kathleen…We dug one

up for Jenny…We dug up one for dad…We dug one for me  

My Father and I had red, while my Mom and sisters received green

My Father and I potted all five saplings,

And set them near the old turkey pen…soon to be forgotten.

At first my Father and I took great care of them… we watered them each day…but this did not last.

When everything became a complex mess in house…and my Father left life through suicide, the trees were forgotten.

The small little saplings were forgotten for a year….not all were saved only three remain.

There are two red and one green remaining

All planted in the same hole….a hole that once upon a time held a flag pole.

All three still thriving in that one small hole.

I fear loss with good reason

I fear from experience...I’ve dealt with it many times before.

Over and over I’ve felt Death’s knife stab into my heart…..I’ve felt my heart shatter like ti were glass

When I was only nine, my Father choose to leave my life…forever…He took his life.

When I was only nine, my Father was driving down the road  when he decided to end his life.

When I was only nine, my Father turned his car around….he faced on coming traffic…my father drove into an eighteen wheeler carrying gasoline

When I was only nine, my Father died on impact feeling no pain

Again…at nine years of age my grandma became ill

At nine years of age my grandma was misdiagnosed

At nine years of age my grandma died twice.

At nine years of age my grandma suffered heart failure.

At nine years of age I lost my grandma on New Year’s Eve.

When I was ten year old I went to bed anticipating a visit with grandpa.

When I was ten years old I woke up to hear bad news.

When I was ten years old I was told my grandpa died early that morning…that day we were supposed to go see him.

When I was ten years old my grandpa suffered heart failure.

When I was ten years old I lost my Favorite Decady…

Every night I go to bed not knowing when I’ll slumber.

Every night I go to bed not knowing how sound my sleep will be.

Each morning I find it hard to wake,

Reasons to pull myself out of bed are becoming scarce

I find that I'm losing friends here and there.

Not a day goes by that I don’t feel ignored…often by my friend.

School is becoming harder by the day…no one seems to want to help.

There is one exception…Nic always wants to help…he always seems to have the answers….he always seems to care.

Nic and I became friends almost as if we were back in kindergarten…..we became friends so fast it was almost scary.

I fear loss more than anything…I’m afraid to lose the ones I love in any shape or form.

I’m constantly afraid I will lose my friendship with Nic…afraid that somehow I will disappoint him.

I fear for some of my friends lives…..afraid that one day I will wake to learn they have taken their own life.

I'm constantly in a stat of fear. 

I fear asking my teachers for the help I so desperately sometimes need.

I fear that I will fail no matter how hard I try.

I fear my dad will not be proud of me.

I fear I will not be able to keep my word…..

I fear I will give in and out again.

I fear I will lose the strength to live

I fear I am not capable of doing what I need to do.

I fear I will not be successful.

One day I hope I am a write.

One day I hope to be a teacher.

One day I hope to be an artist.

One day I hope to be successful.

One day I hope to live a normal life.

One day I hope to visit Ireland.

One day I hope to have better grammar.

One day I hope to be someone that my father would be proud of.

One day I hope to be with all those I have lost.

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I know the structure of this poem may seem a bit confusing but it's the best I could do while still insuring that the end of each line is clear.

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I wrote this poem for an English assignment. However, I never got to hand it in, because I had a problem typing it up, so I wasn't able to hand it on time, and my teacher wasn't there to ask if I could hand in my handwritten copy of the poem then she refused to accept it less than 24hrs later. All-in-all I'm posting it on here, because I figured if she won't read it I might as well make it so at least someone can.

Even though I wrote this poem for an assignment, I did not have to force myself to write this poem.