Her Broken Vow ✔

HBV 17: His Thoughts

Aaron

I didn't know that three words can possibly bring back painful memories. Memories that I tried to put six feet under the ground. But no matter what I do, it still hurts knowing that she didn't change. I am open to the thought of trying again and fixing this family but how can I possibly do it now?

She left us again.

It's been five days since she chose to walk away from us. Mas pinili niya kaming iwan sa kung anong rason man ang mayro'n siya. Binigyan ko siya ng pagkakataon, I told her clearly that if she'll leave...there's no turning back. 

Akala ko kasi p'wede pa, na baka ngayon kami naman ang piliin niya pero bakit gan'on? Parang hirap na hirap siyang piliin kami na pamilya niya. She told me to trust her but how? She didn't even explain her reasons. Maiintindihan ko naman eh, I will try to understand kahit anong rason pa 'yan.

Mabuti na lang at inaya ni Kristin ang aking anak na pansamantalang sumama sa kanila ni Clark habang inaayos ko ang problema na ito. Hindi ko alam kung bakit ko pinoproblema ang bagay na dapat ng bitawan. Kahit anong sabihin ko, I know deep inside me that I am still clinging to a thread of hope. 

Kristin knew what happened between Joanna and I, ipinaalam ko na rin sakaniya na si Joanna ang babaeng pinakasalanan ko ngunit iniwan din ako pitong taon ang nakaraan. At first, Kristin was shocked. But when she got to connect the dots, questions came in like whirlwind. I tried to answer all of her questions about my marriage with Joanna.

That's when she told me that, I am still in love with my wife but I am just clouded by my anger towards her. Sinabi sa akin ni Kristin na subukan ko muling hanapin ang babaeng minamahal ko bago pa maging huli ang lahat sa amin. Her exact words went like this...

"Aaron, I know you're hurt and angry with your wife but I can see that you still love her. You care for her being kasi hindi ka naman maguguluhan kung wala na siya sa iyo. Second chances are to be given with people who deserves them. Do you want to give it another shot?"

I wasn't able to answer. My mind keeps telling me to just give up but my heart tells me the otherwise. I just stared back at Kristin while she gave me a warm smile.

"Habulin mo hanggang nand'yan pa, if she won't comeback this time, accept her decisions wholeheartedly. Pero 'wag kang malulungkot Aaron because you tried your shot and you did your best...Life is nothing but a snap of finger, maaari itong mawala sa atin ng hindi natin namamalayan. Kaya't hangga't hindi pa ito binabawi sa atin, gawin natin ang mga bagay na kailangan nating gawin. Live your life this time with no regrets." 

Bakit napakasakit na maiwan sa pangalawang pagkakataon? I can feel my heart slowly crushing from the thought na  baka kahit na anong gawin ko, baka hinding hindi na siya babalik. I'm afraid that the history might repeat itself again.

But Kristin made a point, ayokong mabuhay sa pagsisisi. I have to try my hardest and find Joanna again. This time, I'll try to make everything work for our family.

Before I started to make a move, I visited Joanna's room. She left some of her clothes here, maybe a way of her saying that she'll be back, I smiled at that thought. The scent of Joanna lingers in every part of her room— katulad pa rin dati. 

When I reached her bed, I sat down and realization came to hit me hard. I really do miss my wife, her face, her voice, and her presence. Sana may kapangyarihan nalang ako na isang hiling ko lang ay agad kong makikita kung nasaan siya.

A tear escaped my eye, my heart had been longing for her since she came back but sadly I chose to ignore it and I'm here, regretting that action of mine.

I stayed in her room for more than an hour remembering the good memories that we shared then I finally decided to leave her room. But as I stood up, I stepped on a notebook that was hidden underneath the bed. I carefully set my gaze on it, it seems very familiar. I thought about the notebook that Joanna was holding when she first stepped inside our house, if my memory serves me right then it is the same as this. 

Pinulot ko ito at muling naupo sa kama ng silid, dahan dahan ko itong binuklat sa unang pahina at bumungad sa akin ang mga polaroid films na naglalaman ng larawan namin ni Sofia. 

The first picture was shot four years ago when Sofia and I went to a part nearby. Hindi ko alam kung paano nagkaroon ng ganitong larawan si Joanna, it is obviously a stolen shot. Nang binaliktad ko ang larawan there's a note written on it.

Aaron Lucero Villamor and Sofia Kresia Villamor, my treasures.

I saw another picture of us five years ago, kuha ito sa mall kung saan namasyal kami dahil kaarawan ng aking anak. Sofia was gleefully pointing on the toy that she wanted us to buy while I am standing up reaching for that toy.

Happy birthday baby! I wish mommy can be with you.

Another photo was when we had our ribbon cutting for my second restaurant, magka-hawak kamay kami ng aking anak at may mga empleyado naman sa aming gilid.

Congratulations, mahal. You did great even without me <3

The last picture that's there was shot few days ago, pagkatapos naming manood ng movie. The picture was a bit blurry and the angle is not that good but I can recognize myself hugging our daughter, mukhang ito 'yung oras na pinapatahan ko si Sofia dahil sa pinanood namin.

I love you.

As I looked at the pictures taken, different kinds of emotions went outside my walls and when I went in deeper in the notebook...

I saw a long entry of messages written for me?

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