Her Broken Vow ✔

HBV 20: Home

Joanna

"Euthanasia? Are you for real?" I saw his eyes glistening  with what looks like tears. I suppose he read the letter earlier than expected.

No one spoke. 

Jazriel looked at me with pleading eyes before saying, "Doctor and nurses, let us leave for awhile."

Mukhang nakaramdam ng tension ang lahat ng tao na nasa loob ng silid. Umalis kaagad ang mga doctor na nasa aking harapan matapos ang mabilisang pagpapaalam. 

Jazriel also went to the doorway after kissing my forehead. When he was about to go, he stopped halfway, faced Aaron's way and spoke one more time.

"Nice meeting you, kuya." Jazriel said in a solemn voice. Aaron on the otherhand didn't speak, tinignan niya lang si Jazriel gamit ang kaniyang blankong mga mata.

"Ako nga pala si Jazriel kung naalala mo pa ang mga k'wento ni ate sa'yo." Pagpapatuloy ni Jazriel sa kanilang usapan. Aaron still kept his mouth shut but recognition was evident in his eyes.

"Nakakalungkot nga lang na sa ganitong paraan tayo tuluyang nagkakilala." He gave Aaron his best smile before handing his hands.

"You're the honorable, Mr. Fernandez?" Bumakas ng tuluyan ang pagrehistro ng pagkilala sa mukha ni Aaron.

Nakita ko naman ang gulat sa mukha ni Jazriel bago nakipagkamay. I can sense that Jaz has a lot of questions but he knew that this isn't the right time. So, he just gave Aaron a small nod and smile before he left.

As soon as they were out, silence came in.

"Please," Aaron looked at me when I softly spoke. His face full of questions but he didn't dare say anything. When I met his eyes, I saw different emotions running at once.

"Don't be mad. Please...Aaron." I chose to break the barrier and said those things barely audible. Ayaw kong makasakit muli ng mahal ko sa buhay, it hurts me looking at their faces etched with pain because of my condition.

Silence then again devoured the whole room. Seconds passed when I finally heard him muttering words under his breath.

"Don't be mad?" Narinig ko ang pagak na pagtawa niya mula sa may pintuan.

"Wow, Joanna..." Lumapit si Aaron sa aking gawi gamit ang malalaking hakbang.

Stress is written all over his face. When he looked at me and spoke again, his voice became hoarse.

"I am in rage because of you and I have a right reason to feel this way!" I never expected this. I didn't want to see him suffer.

I felt a different kind of agony as his tears made its way down his eyes. That's when I chose to look away. Hindi ko kayang makita ang mga mata niya sa gano'ng estado. It's too much to bear, that I remember how he pleaded seven years ago. It's all coming back.

Naalala ko kung paano siya umiyak habang magkausap kami sa telepono. Naalala ko kung paano ko sinaktan ang taong walang ibang ginawa kundi mahalin ako ng buo.

With a crying heart, I said, "I'm sorry...b-but this is the end. There is noting that I can do about it now."

I made my voice stern, patuloy kong pinaniwala ang aking sarili na ito 'yung tama, na ito 'yung dapat.

"You can't do this. Bakit Joanna?" He looked at me with small hope lingering in those eyes.

"We can start again if you'll fight one more time— this time with u-us." His voice thundered over the four wall room. He is trying to control himself, he is trying not to break down in front of me...

But I'm just done.

"Of course I can do it... I have to." My voice unexpectedly broke as my heart is being shattered. Don't make it hard for me, Aaron please.

"You have to? For what? to save us? or to save yourself from the pain?"

Am I selfish? Do I want to go first so that I selfishly won't have to feel this pain? I just did what I though was right, I did it for them!

"Paano naman kami Joanna? Naplano mo na lahat eh...hinanap ko kung saan kami ni Sofia sa mga plano mo." Aaron spoke this time on his knees, just like Jazriel's...his eyes were also pleading. 

"Everything's for you, Aaron. Lahat ng 'yon!" Hindi ko na napigilan pa ang paglabas ng aking mga luha. I tried to look at Aaron's eyes but his emotions were too strong for me to handle. My heart aches for what I have done. He looks so helpless in this state.

"L-lahat ng plano mo ay para sa amin pero bakit hindi mo man lang tinanong kung anong gusto ko?...kung ano 'yung kailangan ko? kung ano 'yung desis'yon ko?" For the first time since I came back, my husband reached for my hands and held them softly before he broke down looking at the floor of the hospital room with clenched fist.

I cried too. I wept for the pain and sentiments we shared but I didn't dare to speak. I lost all words.

I held his hands tighter than before dahil baka ito na ang huling beses na mahawakan ko ang aking asawa.

"Joanna, m-mahal. I could have been with you in those y-years, we could have fought this battle t-together...but why? why didn't y-you want me to be a p-part of that life?"

Instead of answering his question, I told him something that I never got to say personally since I chose to leave.

"Always remember that you and our d-daughter are my h-home."

Akala ko tama na 'yung desisyon ko ngayon...akala ko maayos na nito ang lahat pero bakit? Bakit ang sakit-sakit pa rin? Bakit hindi ko magawang maging masaya para sa sakanila at sa akin?

Realization slowly crept inside me, things started to make sense... but it is now too late. I can't ponder about everything now. Nandito na kami at hindi na maaaring ibalik ang nakaraan.

Dinig ang magkahalong hikbi ng dalawang tao na puno ng pagdadalamhati ang mga puso.

"W-we are your home..." He softly repeated.

Something crept back into my life, I never thought I would see this again.

Hope.

--
A/N: Happy 1k votes! char, practice lang HAHAHA keep your votes and comments coming, maraming salamat sa mga patuloy na sumusuporta sa k'wentong ito.

VOTE | COMMENT | FOLLOW