Her Broken Vow ✔

HBV 19: Her Side

Joanna

Malamig ang mga kamay at ramdam ko ang pintig ng aking puso habang patuloy na tinatahak ang daan papunta sa isang pasilyo, parang naging normal na ang amoy at estraktura ng ospital sa akin. 

Iginala ko ang tingin sa loob ng pasilidad, puting mga pintura, nurses na panay ang ikot sa mga ward, doktor na nagsusulat ng reseta, at medical counter para sa mga may katanungan.

I am just walking with no right place to go. Jazriel isn't here, he needs to speak with my doctors but I don't want to hear it—those false hopes. I just want to accept the fact that I'm dying and this time, there's no cure.

Nakakapagod din palang lumaban lalo na kung sa iba rin pala ang bagsak mo sa dulo...I am tired of everything. 

I looked once around me, puno ang hospital ng mga tao na nais pang mabuhay, na patuloy na nakikipaglaban sa mga sakit nila. Kung hindi man sila papalarin sa pakikipaglaban, I hope that they'll find their happiness kahit 'yun lang.

I stayed up facing a wall for minutes.

Until I felt my head throbbed with unexplainable pain and a warm liquid started oozing from my nose going down to my mouth and to the floor.

"Blood," That's the last thing that I muttered before falling down to the ground and finally, losing my consciousness.

Paalam.

----

Dahan dahan kong iminulat ang aking mga mata. Ramdam ko ang pagsakit ng aking ulo at mga mata.

White ceiling and walls can be seen around me. Then, I saw Jazriel peacefully sitting down on the side of the hospital bed while looking outside the windows. After awhile, his eyes were immediately directed to me.

"J-Joanna! Are you okay? May masakit ba? Do I need to call for a doctor?" His voice is soft, full of care and love. This might be the last time that I'll be hearing him talk.

Probably...

My body and heart aches but I kept my mouth shut about it. Ayaw ko ng dagdagan pa ang problema at mga iniisip ni Jazriel. This time, I'll handle everything about me.

I smiled at him and fixed myself before speaking up.

"Don't worry about me. Go and worry about your life, Jazriel. Twenty-Eight ka na, wala ka pang naihaharap sa akin na babae." Nagtatampo kunyareng saad ko. Of course, before I go, gusto ko munang makita ang babaeng para sakaniya.

It's been years na sa akin lang nakasentro ang atensyon niya, lagi siyang nandiyan para sa akin, siya ang aking naging sandalan sa ilang taon na 'yon kaya sa tingin ko'y panahon na para alalahanin niya ang sarili niyang buhay.

"Joanna naman, I'll be fine as long as you're here. You'rethe only family I got, I can't lose you too." He smiled at me and hope began to rise in his voice.

Siguro nga may pag-asa pa pero baka hindi na iyon para sa akin.

Nakapiling ko na ang aking mag-ama, naranasan ko ng maging asawa at ina. Naramdaman ko na ang tunay na ligaya kasama ang aking pamilya na noon ko pa inaasam-asam.

He already granted my prayers and I am very thankful and blessed. I can't ask for more.

"Joanna, I'm living my life to the fullest. You don't have to worry about me that much...and yeah, I think I found her." Hindi nakaligtas sa aking pagtingin ang pagkislap ng kaniyang mga mata habang binabanggit ang mga katagang 'yon.

I'm genuinely happy for Jazriel, he deserves every happiness that may come his way.

"Can I meet her already?"

"Soon, I'll bring her here with me. You can bond together, sa tingin ko ay magiging magkasundo kayong dalawa. So please, continue to fight with us ate." Determination never left his eyes, how I wish that I am not still in the verge of giving up.

Our converstion was interrupted when three knocks came from the other side of the door and as soon as the doctors entered my room, the light atmosphere that I had with Jazriel eventually dissolved.

"Good afternoon, Mrs. Villamor and Mr. Fernandez." The head doctor greeted us with what seemed like glee.

Is there anything to be happy about?

Sana masaya rin ako kahit sa huling sandali na ito, kasi pagod na pagod na akong lumaban, gusto ko na lamang mamahinga.

I smiled in return and Jazriel greeted them back. When the doctor and two nurses were settled, the discussions began.

"Pasensiya na at napatagal ang meeting namin kanin with the surgeons, we went thoroughly about your case."

Jaz is intently listening while I am here, stoned in the hospital bed. I just can't seem to be happy about anything concerning my life.

"Pagkatapos naming mag-usap kanina about the possibilities and risks, we finally came with a conclusion. Joa—" 

"Save it Dr. Chad," Bago niya pa matapos ang kaniyang sasabihin ay pinangunahan ko na siya. I've been thinking about this for years that if worse come to worst then it will be my decision.

"Is there a problem, Joanna?" As clueless as the doctor, Jazriel came to jot on his seat and tension began filling the air.

I took three deep breaths before speaking. Ramdam ko ang pagbabara ng hangin mula sa aking lalamunan.

"Please," I took another deep breath and gave all the courage that was left.

"Perform e-euthanasia." I saw how their faces turned pale from what I said.

Desidido na ako sa aking desis'yon ngayon.

I heard how Jazriel abruptly stood up from the seat and dragged his feet to face the wall. I know he's crying but I don't want them to suffer more.

This will be my request, it will be easier this way. No more hardships and pain for the people I love...

and before anyone could utter a single word, the room's door swung open.

A ragged breathing was all over the room.

I saw the person, the least expected person to be here right now.

I think it's time for my final goodbye.

---

A/N: Euthanasia is the painless killing of a patient suffering from an incurable and painful disease or in an irreversible coma (Definition from Oxford Languages) this is to prevent further sufferings.

The practice is illegal in the Philippines but I made it legal in this story for its plot purpose.

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