Her Broken Vow ✔

HBV 16: Decided

Joanna

Lulan muli ng isang sasakyan ngunit hindi katulad ng una, papalayo naman ako ngayon sa aking naging destinasyon noon. Sobrang sakit umalis ngunit walang wala na akong mukhang maihaharap sa aking pamilya.

Paubos na ang ilaw sa kandila na ibinigay sa akin. Hindi ko alam kung kakayanin ko pang lumaban sa pagkakataon na ito.

"Ayos ka lang ba?" Pagtatanong ng aking kasama na kanina pa ako pinagmamasdan. Since I went out of the house and joined him in the car, his been observing my movements making sure that I am fine.

But how can I be fine?

I left my family again. Inulit ko nanaman ang ginawa ko noon but this time, I feel regret taking over my system.

"Yeah, all is good." I tried to be composed, gusto kong ipakita na hindi niya na ako dapat problemahin pa dahil sa loob ng pitong taon na 'yun ay siya ang naging kasangga ko.

"I'm sorry Joanna, we don't have much choice right now." He replied with apologetic look heard in his voice. I badly know that...but I need to be okay not for my sake but for theirs.

"It's okay, t-thank you...Jazriel." Ngumiti ako sa kaniyang gawi. I don't want him to think that he caused all of this sadness inside me.

Wala siyang kasalanan. There's no one to be blamed, this was never planned. Even I, myself never thought that this would happen to me.

"Anything for you, dearest cousin." Jazriel said forcing a smile on his face. He's trying to stay positive too despite the pressure that both of us are feeling.

Jazriel is my cousin. He's been with me since the day I left my family. Anak siya ng nag-iisang kapatid ng mama ko. Unfortunately, our parents died due to an accident when we were in college.

He never personally met Aaron, pero nai-k'wento ko na sila sa isa't isa. They were looking forward to meet each other but I guess they never met due to circumstances or maybe they did saw each other but they weren't aware.

Parang kapatid na rin ang turing ko kay Jazriel. Isang taon lang ang pagitan naming dalawa kaya hindi kami nahirapang pakisamahan ang isa't isa. Tumayo akong nanay at ate niya sa ilang taon na lumipas.

Seven years ago was a bitter sweet life...

Jazriel was with me when I was diagnosed with a cancer. Adult acute myeloid leukemia to be exact. This is a cancer of the blood and bone marrow. I was given a five-year survival rate but I made it through, kasama ako sa 24% na nabuhay limang taon makalipas ang diagnosis.

But right now? I'm not sure if I can fight again.

Nang malaman ko na may cancer ako, I tried leaving clues for Aaron, asking him questions of what ifs. Naalala ko pa nga ang naging usapan namin noon.

"Mahal?" I called out Aaron's attention while he was busy typing in front of his laptop.

"Hmmm?" He replied without even glancing at me. Busy siya at nakikita ko 'yun but I have to ask anyway.

"Just a random question. What if I have an illness and malalaman mong may taning na ang buhay ko?" I made my voice light na parang nagbibiro lang ako but in reality, it is the truth.

"What the hell?" Itinigil niya ang kaniyang ginagawa at humarap na sa akin. His eyebroys are furrowed.

"Mahal naman, don't ask questions like that."

"What if lang naman mahal, I just want to know your reaction. That's all." Of course, I had to act for him not to notice the irregular pacing of my heartbeat.

"If you'll die, I'll die together with you. I just can't imagine my life without you, Joanna. If your life will end then might as well end mine too."

There were more instances where I opened up the topic of my death and his answers were getting worst saying na susunod siya sa akin and such. That time, I didn't know that I was two and a half month pregnant with Sofia.

I didn't want Aaron to suffer, and to die with me. I want him to achieve his dreams and be the best man that he promised me. Kahit hindi na para sa akin, kahit para nalang sa anak namin.

That's when I made the hardest decision of my life. I need to do it for the life that's living inside me- for Sofia.

I immediately agreed with the doctor's plan for my safety as well as the baby. I underwent chemotherapy during my 26th week pregnancy. The doctors and nurses daily monitored my stomach just to make sure that the baby is well. After completion of 30 weeks, I had cesarean.

Kahit na nangyayari lahat ng ito, gusto ko pa rin na magpasalamat sa ating Tagapaglikha. He gave me a chance to be with my family kahit na limited na lamang ang oras.

"Joanna, you're spacing out. Do you want to rest first?" Jazriel asked me returning my mind into our reality.

"No, I'm fine. Don't worry about me." I tried to give him the most genuine smile that I can provided with this situation.

"I may not feel the emotions that you're keeping in your heart but I know for sure that you're not okay. I'm sorry Joanna, if I can just do something..."

"Don't apologize Jaz, wala ka namang kasalanan eh. Walang may kasalanan." I held his hands giving it a squeeze.

"Alam mo ba? Noon, tanggap ko naman eh na baka isang araw mababawi na ang b-buhay na naibigay sa atin," Habang hawak ang kaniyang mga kamay hindi ko napansin and pagtulo ng masasaganang luha sa aking mga mata.

Nakita ko ang pagrehistro ng gulat sa kaniyang mukha dahil sa biglaang pag-iyak ko ngunit wala siyang sinabi, patuloy lamang siyang nakinig sa akin.

"Pero ngayon? A-ang hirap ulit tanggapin k-kasi Jazriel, nakasama ko na sila...a-ang tagal kong naghinintay para sa pagkakataon na 'yun eh. Nakayakap ko na 'yung anak k-ko Jaz, ang laki na ng p-pamangkin mo..." I felt his warm hands enveloping me into a hug.

"M-mahal na mahal ko sila, akala ko handa na akong m-mawala kasi nakasama ko na sila. P-pinagbigyan na ng Tagapaglikha ang hiling ko pero b-bakit ganu'n? Gusto ko pa silang makasama ng mas m-matagal Jaz..."

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A/N: Do you remember 'Honorable Jazriel Fernandez' from The Illiterate Wife?

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