Hospital
4:29am
Both with the loss of sleep, Tay's eyes gazed Alyssa as she stared at the blank Tv with the intermittent blink of her eyes. Apprehensively, her neurotic mind set on the thought of a man taking advantage once more considering she felt the incident seems to keep recurring.
"Get some rest" Tay spoke, his eyes vacantly stared at her face. Vaguely shaking her head no, his comment was improbable under the circumstances.
"Look" he sat up from the guest chair placed along her bedside. "I'll be woke with precaution, ensuring nobody will do to you as they've done before" his hand ran over her natural hair in its curly state.
"I don't know that" her inaudible voice quivered.
"Trust me Alyssa" he responded. Trust was the problem, she didn't understand how to trust him. The love she developed for him wholeheartedly wanted too.
"You're scared Alyssa, I understand that and I'm not asking you not to be, but I'm trying to fill in those areas I know I emptied when promising you my protection from the life I live" his voice began to tremble as she bit the inside of her bottom lip to contain her cries.
Planting her face into the palm of her hands, she cried.
"What if Zoey was home at the time Tay?What would they have done to her out of spite, getting back at you?" She asked, taking a huge breath he got into the bed and pulled her into the consolation of his arms. He couldn't give her an answer.
"I don't know baby, I'm sorry" he pulled her head onto his chest and held it there as the other wrapped around her body.
"You give me good enough reason to give up on you, on us" she wiped her tears. "If only it were that simple" she added.
"If you love me, leave me" he suggested.
"They know me and they know our ties. The only way out of this shit is death. You can't even fucking get out, you know why? Because you've embedded yourself into this lifestyle" she said.
"There is no coming out of it, for the love of me nor Zoey. Staying or leaving is like committing suicide in the eyes of someone other than a drug dealers" she said. Taking no offense towards it, he knew she was entirely right.
"That's my bad though, that's what I get. I brought myself back into you arms, so I can't even put the blame on you. I blame relying on your protection when you was at the point where you couldn't give it" her voice trembled as she nodded and her upper body fell into his arms as he wrapped them around her tightly.
"I shouldn't have allowed you into my life, I just needed you desperately. You're all I have left to rely on and fill this void that was emptied when I lost my mama" he said as tears trickled down his face.
"My mom and dad would always argue, no matter what, he'd always end up putting his hands on her. She got tired of it, tired of the concept of living and being treated with so much aggression and anger. She had took her own life" she felt his arms tighten around her as his chin rested on top of her head.
"You don't know how much that shit hurt me baby, when I held her lifeless body in my arms. I felt like I caused it, I left her alone without my protection. I allowed that shit to happen. I question myself every second of the day" his soft cries filled her ear causing her to cry also.
"As your body laid in my arms Alyssa, the image played continuously in my head. I thought I lost you the same way I lost her. Knowing that it almost happened again is eating my conscience" he said, pulling out of his grip she wrapped her arms around his torso as the side of her face pressed onto his chest.
