Thin Air (Complete EDITING)

4- Shannon

4 Shannon June 28, 2002

Sitting on the floor of my bedroom, surrounded by piles of my past as Lifehouse blares through the speakers, is a surreal experience. It's hard to believe that in a couple of weeks I'll be waking up across the state in a dorm room with a stranger.

If life had gone to plan, I would have done this two years ago like the rest of my classmates. But life rarely takes the path we expect it to and people aren't always who they lead you to believe.

Looking around makes me feel a bit lost in time and I long for the innocence of my past. The wall behind my headboard is still sunshine yellow, with little duckies waddling along the top from my nursery days. Mom and Dad didn't have the luxury of knowing my gender before I was born, so they went with the classic waterfowl.

The Mariah Carey and Boyz II Men posters from the scholastic book fair are still embarrassingly pinned up on either side of my window with neon thumbtacks. The vanity mirror is framed in pictures of me and my girlfriends circled around lip prints of every color I've ever tested.

I've slept almost every night of my twenty years in that squeaky-ass twin bed. The noise made sneaking in a quick 'after school special' damn near impossible. Not that I saw much action in high school. Or now, if I'm being honest with myself.

Zach and I have been dating for a few months, but we decided early on to keep things casual since neither of us wants a long-distance relationship. Who knows, maybe I'll end up finding love with a classmate at my new school.

The only guy who ever really caught my eye also happened to catch the eye of every other girl in town. But he only had eyes for Erin.

Seth was the most handsome guy I had ever seen. He was a dead ringer for Paul Walker in Varsity Blues. He had that All-American Boy look down to a T. Those scrawny little skaters in their baggy pants, grinding across campus, had nothing on him. Not that I'd ever admit it out loud but, he's the reason I became a cheerleader. I would always try to sit near him on the bus when there were away games.

When he interned at my dad's company after graduation, I used to come up with the craziest excuses to be down at the office so I could sneak a peek at him. I would pop by to bring in cold Cokes and papers that looked 'important' daily. Looking back, I'm a little embarrassed about how immature I was, following Seth like a puppy dog. If he noticed, he never said anything.

In the end, I'm glad I spent so much time lingering around the office. All the time I spent stalking him on the down-low made it a pretty seamless transition when I took over the office work after mom died.

Hearts all around town, and one in the office, broke when he got Erin pregnant her senior year. They're the sweetest couple, though. He adores her and their little girl. It's nice to know high school sweethearts can work out.

A few days back, I dropped off an inspection report for the physical therapists' expansion and ran into Seth as he hobbed out. We spent a few minutes catching up while he waited for Erin's dad to come get him. He said he was healing faster than the surgeon anticipated, but that he should probably start thinking about a new line of work. I guess falling off twenty feet of scaffolding isn't very forgiving.

I stood to grab the tape from my dresser, intending to seal up the box I had been packing before turning in for the night when I spotted my mom's locket I'd taken off this afternoon. Confused and disgusted, I'd almost tossed it out the window on my drive home.

The brick streets and football banners of my itty bitty town suddenly seem suffocating rather than quaint. It seems like everyone is hiding something.

Even in my own family we are keeping secrets. Drew's out sneaking around with his girl. Brandon is depressed and refuses to acknowledge it. Mom died on her way home from fooling around with a client. And here I am hiding it from the people I love the most.

Dad is the only one who is upfront about who he is.

My dream had always been to fall in love and marry young, like my parents. Their love story was legendary. But knowing what I know now, that my father was the only one committed to their epic love story, has thrown my whole idea of 'happily ever after' into a tailspin.

I wish I could go back and unknow what my mom was really up to at the end of her life.

Finding evidence of her affair was devastating. I would never have believed she was a cheater, but the box full of date night souvenirs she tucked away in stacks of paperwork paints a clear picture. She was sleeping with Mr. Kent, the self-righteous holy-roller, at the time of her accident.

I hope my dad never finds out; it would break him. That's why I stashed the box in my office, so I could toss it in the dumpster before it gets dumped tomorrow.

He loved her so much; we all did. It's probably for the best if no one else finds out.