Thin Air (Complete EDITING)

22- Seth

Seth July 4, 2020

Spring has burned into summer, and with it came the most bittersweet time of year. The bitter came in June as it always does. Erin has been gone for 18 years now. Another year has come and gone with no answers. The sweetest of sweets came on July 4, 1999.

I can still remember the buzz of nervous excitement when Erin told me her water had broken. We were celebrating her 19th birthday at the movie theater. The temperatures that summer had been exceptionally high, and Erin was hot all the time because of the pregnancy hormones. As a result, we had seen nearly every movie at least once. Some of them twice.

Our choices that day were Summer of Sam, which Erin deemed too dark, or Big Daddy, again. A little blond boy was announcing that he could wipe his own ass when Erin's laughter was cut short. She took my hand and calmly told me that we needed to go.

Erin handled her labor and the actual birth like a champ. I have never been so impressed. It wasn't like the movies at all. There was no shouting or angry words of blame. I think part of Sydney's steady calmness comes from her peaceful delivery. When she was born, she took a deep, shaky breath, never letting out that shriek other parents talk about.

When they cleaned her up and handed her to Erin, we took turns passing her back and forth for hours staring in awe. She was so beautiful, a carbon copy of her mother. The only bit of me in there was the wave to her hair. Other than that, she was all Erin's dark hair, green eyes, and full lips. As she grew, she collected a sprinkling of freckles that marked her as my daughter. Even at nearly 42, my freckles had never faded.

Sydney and I always take the morning of the fourth to ourselves. We try to do something in remembrance of her mother before the Independence Day/Birthday Party Shannon throws every year.

Shannon is a wonderful mom and has always encouraged talk of Erin. Patiently answering questions and telling stories about their high school days. They weren't friends necessarily, with Erin being older, but they were friendly.

On Sydney's 18th birthday, Erins 37th, she and I got matching raven tattoos. She said ravens always made her think of her mother. Mine is on my shoulder, hers on her forearm. Her green eyes sparkled with mischief as I tried to talk her through the pain. After it was over, she only revealed that she knew it wouldn't hurt too badly because she already had an inscription on her ribcage. The tattoo parlor near her dorm had accepted her college ID as proof enough that she was of age.

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Sydney is greeted by nearly everyone she passes on her way to my waiting SUV. People have always been drawn to her peaceful aura. She has this gentle way of setting people at ease that you don't come across often. I think her soothing demeanor will do well for her when she graduates with a degree in child psychology next year. She is planning on working with kids who had rocky starts in life.

"Hi Dad," she leans across the center console to give me a peck on the cheek.

"Happy birthday, kiddo. Now, I usually wouldn't condone drinking so early in the day, but I promised your mom that we would be home and ready to party by 3."

"It's not the first time I've participated in a little day drinking." She teases me.

"La la la," I cover my ears. "I did not hear that. You're still a sweet little girl as far as I'm concerned."

Syd turned 21 today, and I am taking her to The Pour Choice for her first legal drink. I'm not entirely naive. I know she's had alcohol before. She lives in a dorm and takes advantage of her freedom, as college kids are apt to do. Regardless of that, I'm going to enjoy this rite of passage and buy her first beer as an adult.

Laughing, she pats my shoulder then feigns seriousness. "Of course. I'd never do something so unlawful as underage drinking."

I tell her about her mom's 21st birthday. It was our first full night without her. We went to Tahoe, where we drank rum runners in a little hut on the beach. We talked about how much we missed our baby and couldn't wait to go home until the buzz kicked in. At that point, we had wandered off in search of a casino.

We both tear up a little when I tell her how much Erin loved being her mom and how much she was looking forward to raising her. We were young when we became parents, but I would not change a thing. Erin was a special person, and I am blessed to have a piece of her in our daughter.

We dry our eyes and move on to lighter topics. We talk about school and Devin over a shared plate of nachos and a flight of craft beers. Wrap things up and head home to help Shannon get things situated before the party.