𝒏𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒍𝒂𝒏𝒅 | moonsun ✓

35 | two broken souls

just wanted to thank u all for the support you've given me & this story, i never would have thought this would grow and that ppl would actually like it lol. this story is literally all over the place i never thought people would understand whats going on in this book lmao

i will work hard to give this story the ending that it deserves <3 we're almost there!

enjoy this potentially tortuous and long chapter. TRIGGER WARNING: homophobia, offensive language

☾ ⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:⠀ *⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆

I don't know what's worse:
finding out you never loved me,
or how long you were pretending for.

⋆*･ﾟ:⋆*･ﾟ:⠀ *⋆.*:･ﾟ .: ⋆*･ﾟ: .⋆ ☼

It wasn't that Yongsun had the urge to spill out her tears again, she had the urge to throw away her damn phone across the room just to see it crack into a thousand pieces. Though able to resist the urge, she wipes away her tears with her dry hands. She wasn't supposed to feel like this, but she couldn't help herself.

Did I just confess? she thinks hard, frustrated from her pounding head. Did I just confess to myself? Did I just confess to myself that I had feelings for her?

She should've said it, should've told Byulyi how she felt to her during that call at some point, but her ears and body could only listen to all of the words that Byulyi was saying to her, just letting the girl talk and talk so she could listen, taking in everything that she said. And with both ends left distressed, Yongsun knew that calling her again would be another neverending nightmare.

It wasn't Byulyi that was her nightmare though𑁋it's her confusing feelings, her head, and her challenging place in her life. It's a complicated world that they are in: people who have feelings for each other have a hard time coming to terms with it and finding each other. They're scared to take the risk. And knowing that someday, someone is going to look at you with the brightest light in their eyes, but you don't notice it. They'll look at you as if they've been searching for something their entire lives. To Yongsun, the only person she knew who would look at her that way was Byulyi. That odd glisten in her eyes𑁋Yongsun swore she could see it through the screen𑁋when she cried, or that sparkle when she would smile on rare occasions. Her smile reminded Yongsun of the sunset, a single look of that unique smile could only make her walls crash down.

You either say how you feel or you don't say anything. And when that happens, it fucks you up instead.

Byulyi was right, Yongsun had left her without an answer, left her to practically fend for herself when she knew she was hurting. And is it late to admit that Yongsun herself was also scared of her own feelings towards Byulyi? Every time the girl would compliment her, or would smile, or just talk, Yongsun would just gaze and listen. And here she is, in a whole other country, while Byulyi was having a hard time to love herself.

Immediately, Yongsun instinctively knew that she needs to help Byulyi to love herself, and for God's sake she just needs to see the younger girl with her own eyes and not through a phone screen. She needs to be able to just hold her in her arms, she needs to see her and make up for her wrongdoings, but how the hell can she do that when she's stuck where she was? Stuck in time? Stuck in her own body?

Almost her whole life, Yongsun had her career set of going out to see the world, adventuring to places, and establishing a successful career in music. How can she do that when her own love life was a whole mess?