Kim Jungwoo, known as the unsociable beauty of the campus, paint himself as an ordinary junior college student. But that was just a mask to cover his anxiety-driven life filled with nightmares and self-doubt, which resulted for him to seek for the '...
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I jerked awake in alarm as I felt a pressure on my throat restricting my breathing. Help! Someone! My eyes darted side to side looking for the source of this sickening feeling only to be greeted by darkness. I can't move my head nor my body, a wash of panic slowly sneaked in as I felt the familiar numbing sensation at the tip of my fingers when I'm having one of my attacks.
My racing heart pounded loudly in my ear alongside the snore of the person beside me who remained oblivious to what he was doing to me. I forced myself to move away from him, pushing and grunting as if to let him know that I'm not okay but it was to no avail.
I was silently screaming in my head as I gasped for air, helpless. Is this how I will die? Prime in my twenties, lying in bed? On the other hand, won't it be nice not to attend class anymore? No more deadlines, no more fake interactions with fake friends.
And I read online that it only takes five minutes to die in asphyxiation. Five minutes and it's over. The pain, the loneliness, the suffering, it will all be gone. Thinking that it will be over soon, I compelled myself to closed my eyes, balling my clammy hands tightly as I counted the seconds in my head.
"Good Morning..." the guy beside me grunted, his voice deep with sleepiness. Without waiting for my response he removed his arm on my neck and rubbed his eyes. "Sorry, I didn't realize my arm's on your neck. Why didn't you wake me?"
I let out an exaggerated sigh as an answer and turned my back towards him. I bit my lower lip as my body trembled in a cold sweat. Almost! What were you thinking, Jungwoo!
"Hey? Is it a nightmare? Are you having one of your attacks? Do you want me to get your medicine?" the guy asked.
But I didn't answer him, rather, I closed my eyes and focused on my breathing as my psychiatrist instructed me. I tried to calm myself down by thinking about what my schedule for the day was. I have classes at ten AM and a report to submit later. After that, I need to drop by at the library to return the books I borrowed. Probably, eat a sandwich or have a chocolate milkshake. Yes, chocolate! I need that right now!
Absorbed in my own thoughts I felt the person beside me move and sat up on the bed. He cursed as he blindly searched for the lamp switch on the bedside table. After a few seconds of fumbling with the switch, my dark bedroom was soon flooded with a warm glow.
"Ah, fuck!" he muttered under his breath. "Do you want me to get your medicine?" he asked again as he made a move to stand up.
"No!" I quickly answered this time. "Just hold me, okay?" I asked, my voice steady and plain contrary to the uneasiness and panic I felt earlier.
"Then, can you face me? Are you sure you're okay?"
Knowing that he will not stop asking me questions, I turned my body towards him and gave a weak smile as a sign that I'm okay. One look and he knew what must be done, he has plenty of experience since we have been sleeping around for years.
