mcyt +friends oneshots

< hold on///01

///buckle up boys this is gonna
be long & emotional\\\

-hold on///krii7y
chapt. 01/03
(intense trigger warning)

everything is moving so fast- thoughts racing, feet that are thunding through the house, the possibilities, everything, it's all just...to much but one thing my brain somehow manages to grasp, one thought- hold on i still need you.

& it's true, without him, john- i'd be lost.

i can't live without him.

but here i am now, at the bathroom door, i yank the door knob-

"fuck!-" i scream out, the sound of the doors lock hitting the frame interrupts me. i start pounding the door,

"john?! please- just...just open the door!" i yell, but i know deep down he won't answer,

"dammit john." i whisper mostly to myself when i realize i have to break open the door. i take a deep breathe preparing my body for what i'm about to do, i step back, run, then ram my shoulders against the door. theres a loud breaking noise from the door but one follows out of me when i see what's behind it- john, in all his glory in the bathtub, the blood- there's just so much coming from the 3 large gashes & more from the other wrist.

my mind race's, i grab my phone calling 911 automatically, as i answer the ladies questions i kneel near him, i feel for his heartbeat on his neck praying in this moment that theres something- anything, i pause then audibly gasp when i feel one- a faint one but one nonetheless.

the lady i talked to ends the call when i've answered all the questions she needed, she leaves with a hopeful,

"try to remain calm, keep putting pressure on the wounds, they'll be there soon." then a faint click signaling the call ended, i drop my phone, it serves to purpose anymore & all i care about in this moment is john.

i grab towels from the cupboard & hold them against his wrists putting lots of pressure on them, then it hits me; what I'm doing & I cant help but to start sobbing. everything around me fades except his shallow breathing & my very loud sobbing.

i don't hear the ambulance come, nor do i hear them up the stairs, i don't even notice them until they are pulling me away from him, putting him on the stretcher.

i start yelling, screaming, thrashing, the only thought i can grasp in this moment is; i have to stay with him.

they calm me down somehow, telling me he's fine & i need to come with them into the ambulance. i agree, not fully understanding but it doesn't matter- nothing matters so long as i'm with him.

the next i know i'm in the ambulance, lights flashing, people yelling, strong smells of iron & hydrogen peroxide, my hands holding his right hand, a white knuckled, iron grip that stays through the entire trip until the hospital comes into view, when they force to me to let go & i'm stuck alone in an empty, quiet waiting room.

if everything hit earlier i don't know what this is then, it feels like the world has just came down around me, i sit in a chair, hands in my hair pulling, tears streaming from my deep brown eyes, shoulders & back shaking, & the loudest sobs i've ever had rack through my body.

someone- a nurse i think- tries to consul me, though after awhile soon gives up & just sits next me.

after- how long has it been?