mcyt +friends oneshots

< saint bernard///01 >

///slight volume warning on
the song near the end ig\\\

///this'll be a tad experimental
so if turns out like shit i
don't know what to
tell you lol\\\

///enjoy my shitty fic :)\\\

-saint bernard///krii7y
chapt. 01/01
(trigger warning)

~hung pictures of patron saints up on my wall to
remind me that i am a fool~

i walk through my childhood house, family photos are sparse but pictures of catholic saints litter the halls & most rooms, they stare into me; almost like they read my mind, my soul, like they just know everything i've ever done wrong, every thought i've had that goes against catholicism.

~tell me where i came from, what i will always be
just a spoiled little kid who went to catholic school~

the memories of the catholic school my parents forced me to go to resurface as i stare more at the portraits. i look down & shake my head trying to stop memories of metal rulers against knuckles, wooden paddles slammed hard onto my ass, & horrible words sewn with anger fueled by a bullshit religion thrown out for me to catch by my peers & teachers at school; neither could understand me or would even try to, they took one look at me & labeled me as some "stupid fag" or "a kid ruled by satan" & thought it was their right to try to "fix me".

the other kids in my town were no better. they saw everyone who went to my catholic school as rich snobby brats, so i quickly learned the fastest way home & to not talk about the school i go to, but the hardest lesson they- no everyone- tried to teach me was being myself was not an option, was never an option if i wanted to survive.

unfortunately the saying home sweet home was not one i believed not even as a kid, my dad saw me, in his words- a stupid worthless fag, & thought the only way to parent me was with violence & name calling, & then my mom was to doped up on whatever painkiller she decided to take that month to do anything but drink wine & make pies.

~when i am dead i won't join their ranks
'cause they are both holy & free~

the people i went to school with saw themselves above me & yes, in the cold dark eyes of catholicism maybe they were, & i probably won't go to heaven when i die & join them but at least i was me.

~& i'm in ohio, satanic & chained up
& until the end, that's how it'll be~

the further i go into this house the more i'm weighed down with memories, some more violent then others but everyone is another chain around my neck, another pound on my back. the photos of saints make me feel sicker & sicker, but finally i reach the reason i came here; i open the door to my old bedroom. i don't waste time looking around & start to pack a bag. i've waited my entire life for this moment- when i'll finally leave this hellhole of a town & an even worse house, that i've mapped out what to bring in my head a million times before this moment. it takes me almost six minutes to pack my bag & grab the money i've saved up from working random jobs since i was 16.

~i said make me love myself
so that i might love you
don't make me a liar, 'cause i swear to god
when i said it i thought it was true~