mcyt +friends oneshots

< it's alright///01

///i've been addicted to this song
& the band mother mother\\\

-it's alright///krii7y
chapt. 01/02

(intense trigger warning)

~prologue~

         it started when i was younger, 1 or 2, my father was an angry man, an angry, short tempered, & drunken man. it started slowly; bruising here or there, a black eye, or a bruised rib, maybe a broken arm once or twice every month or so.

         the older i got, 3-9, the more often it would happen, every day, or that's what it seemed like, & the more creative he would get; a cigarette burn on my arm, a cut here or there, a glass bottle against my head, & starvation if i was really "bad".

         by the time i was 10, alcohol, older men, loud noises, yelling, & quick hand movements towards me was a trigger.

         once the time i was 11 i couldn't find a place without a scar or a bruise. i hated it, i hated my body, i mostly though, hated my parents.

         my mother was no better, when my father was done with the physical abuse she started the mental, psychological abuse, she didn't teach me much but she taught me i was nothing in their eyes, a mistake. when she would hug me i was meet with words dipped in vemon wrapped in a pink box & a bow on top, smelling like flowers.

         mothers & women in general made me uncomfortable, their sweet smiles lead to memories of horrible words, my trust in them was in the negative.

         school was supposed to be a safe space but when kids saw my skinny frame, out of style clothes, & bruises i couldn't hide, they saw it as an invitation to add more, hallways were a battlefield & classrooms were no better.

         then my father, when i was 13, started to become touchy with me, & soon it wasn't just bruises that would be on my body but the feeling of his unwanted hands on it, leaving memories that would continue to haunt me forever.

         it wasn't until i was in high school, 15-17, that i found a group of people that wanted to hangout with me & it wasn't until then that i started to experiment with a lot of things, my looks, the things i would put in my body, & what i would do after school. we were what you would consider the delinquents; stealing was a fun pastime, stealing cars & wreaking them was a weekly occurence, if you wanted anything; drugs or alcohol i was your guy, spary paint was my choosen media & the streets was my canvas, street racing was a favorite hobby, & i went to juvie sometimes more then my own home, at that point i could count the amount of hugs or any form of nice, good intention touches on one hand.

         the moment i turned 18 i got out, took all the money i saved up from working & selling the things i stole, i packed everything i cared about in the trunk & hopped into my rickety old honda & ran. i haven't turned back since & i didn't stop until my heart slowed down & my hands stopped shaking, so around 1 state, all that i cared about was getting as far away from my parents, if you could call them that, as possible, until i could look outside & not recognize the outside, even after i reached a state away i still went further.

         i decided to stop in san diego, california. something about it i liked & the sun was similar to that in texas, my "home" but different enough that i felt comfortable, my clothing style or style in general; the mismatched painted nails, bleached hair, out there clothing, & the multiple rings was not as extreme in cali compared to texas, the first time in my life i didn't feel like a cast out.

         it took me awhile; finding what i wanted to do with my life & even longer, how i would do that but i figured it out & landed a pretty good job doing advertising for a company & making websites for people on the side, it was in that job advertising that i saw you; a similar style to me, those red & blue glasses, & that cute face paired with your fluffy wavy hair- i was a goner but i had to get know you. so i did: armed with a shot confidence, shaking hands, my head screaming at me it was a bad idea, & my almost no flirting ability i thought i was a lost cause but you saw something through all that & you said yes to my dinner date.

         i was so nervous & multiple times i contemplated just backing out but then i remembered you; your laugh, those damn chocolate eyes, i couldn't say no but damn did i change my clothes four times to make sure my outfit was completely perfect.

         the date was not perfect; you laughed so hard water came out of your nose, i stumbled over my words a lot & probably looked like a nervous wreck, but i warmed up to you quickly. we laughed & joked around, it was the most i've laughed all my life up until that point.

         i'll always be thankful for you, for showing me kindness & actually caring about me, i rarely if ever had that. you showed me a life full of laughs, full of love.

         i didn't, & still don't, know why you choose me. maybe that's my low confidence talking but you- you could've done so much better.

         no matter how well we got along in the beginning it still took me almost a year & a half to trust you enough with a lot; my past, my fears, my body but you took everything in stride, open & warm arms, & understanding, nothing drove you away even though there was times it was rough.

         i was terrified, petrified, that you would leave but you never did, even when i screamed you, yelling for you to leave me, that i'm a monster, & i'll end hurting you but you didn't & the words you said are still going through my mind; it's alright, it's okay, you're just a human & you made a few mistakes, & i love you.

         so here i am, sitting in a coffee shop waiting for you to meet me here, reminiscing about my past, my past with you, & i realize without you who would i be? would i have found something or someone else to show me love or would i have been found in a riverbank? thoughts like that make me appreciate this even more because who knows what would have happened to me.

         thank you honeybee, thank you for saving me & showing me i'm not a monster.

///this one will probably end up
having at least one more part
so look forward to that ig\\\

///lowercase intentional\\\
///words- 1140\\\