✨JJBA ONESHOTS✨

Villains x Therapist!reader

[Lmao]

"So what do we do when we stumble upon a problem?" You asked you were working in a group therapy session with men that were quite troubled from their traumatic experiences.

"I kill the one that caused the problem and their entire bloodline," Dio replied while crossing his arms, "no," you said while writing down notes.

"There won't be problems in my country, because my country will be the world's best." Valentine said while sitting calmly, "okay then," you said as you wrote more notes.

"I'm the one that caused the problem but because I needed to follow my fate, this is a confession I'll make," Pucci said while moving his hands into a prayer position, you silently stared at him before writing down more notes.

"Nothing can hurt me if no one knows me," Diavolo said while crossing his legs, you looked at him with concern before writing down more notes.

You turned to look at Kira, "what about you?" you asked, he turned to look at the time on his watch, "I think we're done here." He said while standing up, "please sit back down, you've only been here for five minutes," you said watching Kira sit back down with a sigh.

You turned to look around, "where's Diego?" You asked, suddenly you heard the door open as Diego kicked it open, "howdy."

"Alright, but what about Doppio?" You turned to look at Diavolo, "he's no longer with us." Diavolo spoke, the entire room fell silent, before Doppio walked in, "hi guys sorry I'm late! I saw a frog and-" "never mind he's with us again." Diavolo said while looking away.

"Alright then, Kars, you haven't answered yet," You turned to look at the long-haired man, "If you're as perfect as me you'll never run into problems," He winked.

Silently wishing you had chosen another career you turned to ask the next question, "okay since everyone is here finally, what about we talk about something that makes us happy, Dio why don't you start?" You asked the blonde, "world domination." He said while closing his eyes.

You watched him with an extremely concerned face, "alright then, Valentine?" The curly-haired blonde looked at you "The fact that Dio isn't in control of my country or the world." He said simply earning a glare from Dio.

"Pucci what about you?" You turned to look at the man wearing a priest outfit, "I can't express how happy it makes me whenever someone is mean to me, because in the inside I truly know they will burn in hell." He said with a smile.

"Okay... Diavolo?" You turned your gaze at the said man, he stared at you in silence before answering, "death."

You didn't even want to question him as you turned to look at Doppio, "Oh! I like it whenever it's sunny and bright, I also like cute animals especially frogs! they make me happy! oh! I also like to be in these sessions because seeing you makes me happy!" he looked at you with a bright grin before gasping, "oh my god we just made eye contact-" "I-" "Marry me?!" Doppio said while getting up, "please sit down." You said while pulling out the taser, "alright!" He said while still holding the same bright smile but now looking at you with an intense stare as he sat down.

You turned to look at Kira hoping he'd say something not wild. "Good food makes me happy and peaceful life," he said, you sighed with relief, "and hands." Your expression turned into concern as Kira avoided eye contact.

"Diego?" You looked at the man dressed to look like a jockey, "the fact that I'm a dinosaur." He gave you a proud smile, "Sure you are." You smiled back while writing down 'give medication' in Diego's notes.

"Kars?" You looked at the said man, "That I am positively perfect." He said while smirking and posing, you looked at him for a while and thought, why was he here.

"Alright everyone, any questions you would have?" You asked while looking at the men.

"Can I leave?" Kira asked, "after everyone has answered this question, yes." You said while looking at him.

"Can we execute Diego?" Valentine asked, "why would we do that?" You looked at the curly-haired man, "he stole my avocados, and by putting him down we could prevent that." He replied you looked at Diego, "what drove you to do such a thing?" The jockey sat in silence before answering, "guacamole."

You looked at him with a raised brow, "I understand now, we may let him live for two more weeks, after that he needs to be put out of his misery." Valentine replied.

"What made you choose this job?" Dio asked you, "I have no idea and I'm starting to regret it, more questions?" You looked down at your notes.

"Can we have this session at a church?" Pucci asked, "I'm afraid no." you replied, "we're all going to hell." Pucci said silently while leaning back on his chair.

Doppio raised his arm like a student would to ask a question, "no Doppio we aren't gonna have them at my house either." You said while watching him put his arm back down.

"Can someone adopt Doppio because I can't take his shit anymore and he eats all my cereal." Diavolo said while turning to look at others, "he eats cereal, without milk." Pucci looked at him with concern, "you can keep him, I don't think I could even exorcise him."

"Why am I so perfect?" Kars asked while posing more, "if that's the case, why are you here?" You asked while turning to look at him. "I don't know I saw the ad and thought it would be fun to watch others suffer," he shrugged.

"Alright I think we're done here," You said, "but I haven't asked a question yet," Diego said, "you don't get to ask questions, everyone please leave before I call the security."