Special - Comfort

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"Shh, you're safe. I won't let you go."

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It was about eleven am on a Saturday morning when Ant's mobile phone rang and disrupted his comfortable morning on the sofa. Groaning slightly, the man sat up straight and reached for his phone. A quick glance on the caller ID made him frown - why was Dec calling him?

"Hey, what's up?", he greeted and tried to not let the worry get present in his voice. "Can we meet?" Dec's voice sounded small, maybe upset, exhausted in a way. Immediately, every emergency bell in Ant started ringing. He had known Dec for almost a lifetime, he knew definitely when something wasn't okay.

"Dec? What's wrong, mate?" A short silence in the line before Dec answered hesitantly: "Nothing I think, I just... I could do with some company. Al's out with the little'un, doctors appointment. Do you think we could meet up?"

Ant felt how his muscles tensed with every spoken word of Dec, always ready to jump up and set off if it was needed. "Sure", he answered without even a second of hesitation, "should I come over? Amzie is having a few friends over for lunch so we won't have privacy here but I can quickly drive over."

He could literally see how Dec's brain worked, then his friend replied shyly: "Can we maybe meet in a park or somewhere? Like... outside? I don't know", he added, sounding incredibly helpless and Ant tightened up once more. Something was obviously wrong and he didn't feel comfortable with the thought of Dec driving somewhere at all.

"Look", he proposed, "how about this park around the corner at yours? You can walk the five minutes and I'll set off here now and we'll meet there?" Dec agreed and hung up, leaving Ant with a miserable feeling pounding in his veins and a sting of fear making his stomach twist.

Ant informed Anne-Marie about where he was going and kissed her goodbye quickly, but then he didn't waste any more time and got into his car.

The drive seemed to take twice as long as usual, if not even longer. Ant caught himself biting his lip non-stop until it was almost bleeding. His heart sped up with every driven metre and his hands gripped onto the steering wheel hardly.

Finally in the park, Ant's steps were very clearly audible on the sandy way, what caused Dec to turn around. The older man had waited for Ant already on a bench, feet drawing patterns and circles in the dirt. As soon as he heard Ant's steps, Dec got up and walked to meet him halfway.

"Hey", Ant managed to get out before he found himself colliding against a wall named Declan. His best friend didn't even say something, he just buried his head in Ant's shoulder wordlessly and clung onto him as if his life depended on it.

Ant felt his heart clenching painfully, a sick feeling made his stomach cramp up. Carefully, he wrapped his arms around Dec's back, stroking it lightly. "What's up, mate? What's wrong, huh?"

After a few seconds of silent hugging, Ant carefully removed Dec from his chest and gripped onto his shoulders. "Dec." Ant's voice was firm but the worry was just too clearly audible. "What happened, kidda?"

Dec started to walk along the way under the trees before he answered. When they were walking next to each other he wouldn't have to look into Ant's worried eyes and talking would maybe be a bit easier. This plan, really good in theory, sadly didn't work out too well. Even though he didn't have to look Ant in the eye, Dec could feel only too well his concerned glance on him.

"What's wrong?", Ant wanted to know once again, voice now gentle and unmissable careful. He didn't want to pressure Dec. The latter took a deep breath. "I don't know", he said whilst releasing the air shakily. "I have no clue, it's just... it feels so strange, I feel strange... I can't breathe, I... I feel sick and... I'm shaking and... It's so scary, Ant! I'm scared, what's wrong with me?"

As much as Dec tried to ban the hystery from his voice, he wasn't successful. He might have started slow but the far he came the quicker he spoke, voice almost overturning in the end. His steps had stopped, he had turned towards Ant now in the unspoken hope to get reassurance, comfort. Something that made sure that he was okay.

"Please, Ant, what's wrong with me?" It was almost a sob and it all but broke Ant's heart. His thoughts were spinning in an endless circle, he felt how the control of the situation had slipped with what Dec had told him. Ant had read about anxiety or panic attacks but he had never experienced one himself, at least not in a dramatical way, and he hadn't been with someone who experienced one yet.

"Do you feel like throwing up?", he asked helplessly. In his head, the question already sounded awkward and in real life it was even worse, but it was the first thought that came into his mind. Because that was maybe the only thing that he could control in the slightest way. Or maybe not. Because instead of nodding or shaking his head, Dec just shrugged.

"I have no idea!", he said, almost shouting the words at Ant who did his best to not flinch away. "Okay." He was attempting to organize his thoughts for a second but he didn't come that far. He only heard the sound of two and a half step and his head shot up to see Dec stumbling towards him. Instinctively, Ant grabbed Dec's shoulders and stumbled back one step by the sudden weight that he had to carry.

But he stabilized his best friend and him soon and shook his shoulders lightly. "He. He, Declan. Not faint, you hear me? Stay with me, mate, will you? It's alright, you're safe."

Ant had no idea what he was talking about, no idea what he should be talking about, he let his tounge lead the way and hoped that he wouldn't make things worse. Luckily, Dec's sudden faint-attack was only a false alarm, because Dec already started to stand on his own feet again. At least he tried to, but his knees didn't seem to be willing to carry him.

"Anth", Dec said, voice breaking in the process to form a word. A strangled sob finally opened the floodgates. Accepting the welcoming arms of his best friend, Dec literally collapsed against Ant and buried his face in his shoulder.

"I don't want to die, Ant", he sobbed and dug his fingers into Ant's back that it really hurt. "You won't die!" Ant didn't mean to raise his voice, but he could almost feel the panic that must pound through Dec and he felt his own throat tightenigh up.

"It's okay", he said, correcting himself quickly: "It will be okay. We get though this, alright? I'm here, Deccy, you don't need to be scared, you are safe." Dec continued to sob, his shoulders were shaking and he gasped for air.

"Shh", Ant whispered soothingly, praying that he would be successful in calming Dec down. He was really scared that his friend would choke on his own tears, to be honest. "Shh", he repeated, "you're safe. I won't let you go. I won't ever let you go, Dec. I'm here with you. Can you hear me? I'm here, Dec, you are safe. It's alright, you are not alone."

Phrases similar to this filled the next two minutes, Ant whispering them quietly and over and over. Meanwhile, his hand was stroking up and down Dec's back in a steady rhythm in the hope that this would help to calm him down.

And finally, after what seemed to be an eternity, Dec's sobs slowly faded into hiccups until his breath only hitched a bit. What he didn't stop though was the hug; he kept holding Ant tight as if he would fall back into the black hole without Ant holding him.

Ant swayed them gently from side to side, knees getting shaky as the tension was replaced with relief. "God, you scared me", he whispered and pressed a kiss to Dec's temple. "I love you, Deccy", he added, closing his eyes and relaxing into the tight hold of his friend. And slowly but surely, also Dec relaxed and lost the tensed posture. He closed his eyes and nuzzled into Ant's hold. "Love you too", he answered quietly.

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