Sunflowers

Snake Boys and Stop

"How are Patronus lessons?" Teddy led Thia to the Ravenclaw table, sitting across from Cassiopeia Hamilton and her friend. She shrugged. They weren't bad, they weren't good. She hadn't made any progress, but Professor McGonagall said that that was expected after the incident. That's what they kept calling it. Thia wished they'd stop.

"Hey, guys." The boy, Rory, gave them a soft smile. Thia just stared at her plate, nudging the waffle that she set on it half-heartedly. Today was a tired day then.

Lily came and sat on her other side. She had crawled into bed with Thia again last night, having had another nightmare. The dark circles that had been under her eyes when she had woken up were hidden by concealer or magic.

Occasionally, the little group of five made small talk, but it wasn't much. Just an offhanded comment here, a question there. Mostly they sat in silence. Thia fell into a sort of daze, her fork and knife becoming rhythmic and the sounds of the Great Hall fading.

She was aware that people were talking, that something was happening behind her, that it was making Cassiopeia and Rory laugh and Lily and Teddy smile. She could tell Cassiopeia was proud, of what she couldn't bring herself to find out. At one point Teddy nudged her, and she could feel herself turning around.

She registered that the Marauders were the centre of attention (what else was new), but couldn't quite bring herself to care. Or even react. And that frustrated her. The boys were covered in green scales, for Merlin's sake! Their hair was blue! Why couldn't she bring herself to smile at least?

An owl arrived, dropping a letter into her lap and nibbling her strawberries before taking flight again. Thia glanced at the seal, knowing that it would be the same one as all the others. She tucked it away for later.

"Who're you looking at, Cass?" Lily asked, pulling her eyes away from James Potter, who was beaming at having her attention. Thia tried to shake herself, focusing on the conversation at hand.

The Ravenclaw turned forward, saying "No one," at the same time Rory said, "Regulus Black."

"Sirius's brother?" Lily cocked her head, peering around Cassiopeia at Regulus, "He is rather cute you know. And not nearly as obnoxious as his brother."

"Don't let James or Sirius hear you say that, Lils," Thia said quietly, finally getting a smile to play on her face. Lily flushed.

"What? No! I've just done a few rounds with him when Remus can't make it."

"Mmmhmm, sure." Cassiopeia grinned at the Gryffindor, winking, "I'm off to class."

Thia excused herself as well, walking restlessly. Her hands fidgeted, messing with her clothes, her hair, even her nose. Tap. Tap. Tap. They drummed a relentless rhythm across her skin, one that was so forgottenly familiar.

"Wandering child of the earth

Do you know just how much you're worth?"

The voice seemed to echo around Thia as she gripped the wall. Where was it coming from?

"You have walked this path since your birth,

You were destined for more."

Thia looked around wildly. The voice had to be coming from somewhere. Where? 

"There are those who'll tell you you're wrong.

They will try to silence your song."

She slid down the wall, pushing her hands against her ears, trying to make it stop, just stop, why won't it stop. Her fingers continued to drum an anxious beat into her hair as she buried her face into her knees. Then she remembered.

"But right here is where you belong,

So don't search anymore."

Her mother, singing this song to her. The quiet melody. Her father's made-up harmonies. They had sung it to her. Before nap times. When she was mad. During those dark days in the dungeons.

"You are the dawn of a new day that's waking.

A masterpiece still in the making."

"Shut up. You're not real. You're a ghost. A memory. An echo." Thia whispered, trying to calm the beating in her heart. That's all it was. A memory. An echo. A ghost.

"The blue in an ocean of grey

You are right where you need to be."

"Hush. Be quiet. It's not real," her voice broke, "None of it's real."

"Poised to inspire and to succeed

You'll look back and you'll realize one day."

"It's not real. It will never be real." The tears came, silently streaming down her face while her fingers tapped that incessant rhythm. She couldn't stop it. Why wouldn't they stop? Why couldn't she just stop? 

Why won't it all just stop?

~

A/N - Hello, loves! A few things:

1 -  The song used in this chapter (the italicized, right-sided text) is Wanderer's Lullaby by Adriana Figueroa. Great song, highly recommend. It's very peaceful.

2 - I'll only be able to post on Saturdays, Sundays, and Wednesdays until I'm used to online school (Which will probably only take a few weeks, but we'll see.)  There will be exceptions based on scheduling and how much I can get written.

3 - I changed my username again, and this probably won't be the last time. I've been using them as a way to find one that I like enough to use instead of my birth name, but it's hard to find one I like that much.

4- We're about 65% of the way through Sunflowers! Which means that if I stay on track, this should be finished before we're out of 2020.

And that's all! Later, my lovelies!

Kit