Sarcasm | Five Hargreeves (The Umbrella Academy)

8 | field trip

"So, we're gonna torment poor Lance for nothing now?" Y/N asked, peering out the window, her tone laced with skepticism.

"Not for nothing. I know he's hiding something. He's choosing not to tell us."

Five made a sharp turn at the intersection, nearly crashing into a fence as the car they passed honked angrily. Y/N clutched the door handle, her knuckles white.

"Watch it! You said you knew how to do everything," Y/N exclaimed, panicked.

"There wasn't traffic in the apocalypse," Five mumbled, eyes fixated on the road.

Y/N rolled her eyes but kept quiet, her heart racing as they sped towards their destination. Finally, Five screeched to a halt in front of a nondescript building, his eyes zeroing in on a man in a lab coat sipping coffee just outside the entrance. Lance.

"There's our man," Five said, leaning forward to get a better look.

Y/N nodded, shifting in her seat to avoid the large green bag wedged between them. "Are you trying to suffocate your girlfriend, Five?" she asked with mock irritation.

"Oh, shit!" Five exclaimed, realizing his mistake. He quickly unzipped the bag and positioned Delores, the mannequin, in a sitting position. "No, I'm not drunk. I'm working. Yes, it's about the eye thing. This is the place it was made."

Y/N held back a scoff at Five's one-sided conversation with Delores, watching Lance disappear into his office. The girl sighed, reclining her seat and kicking her legs up onto the dashboard, getting comfortable.

"Hey, do you mind," Y/N spat, glaring at Delores in dismay. Even though the doll only had half of her body with her, the flamboyant pose she made with her arm continued to dig into Y/N's side, preventing her from making the stolen space in the van a little more welcoming for the long stakeout.

"Don't talk to her like that, Y/N. It's rude," Five remarked, taking a long sip of the coffee he had picked up from earlier. 

"Rude? That fucking mannequin is stabbing me with her bony arm! If I couldn't see it with my own eyes, I would've thought it was you," she snapped, kicking the arm away.

"'That fucking mannequin' is a member of this family," Five pressed, clenching his jaw.

"Hate to break it to you, but so am I," Y/N replied, narrowing her eyes at him. "By the way, I'm not too welcoming to In-laws after that son-of-a-bitch Patrick."

Five rolled his eyes, grabbing Delores and placing her on his other side. "Don't listen to her. She's just salty after her pediatrician reduced her Prozac prescription."

Y/N scowled, whipping her head around to glower at the boyish grin plastered on Five's face.

This was going to take a while.

~~~

Hours ticked by as they waited in the car. Y/N dozed off, her head resting against the car door, her steady breaths a soothing backdrop to Five's vigilant watch. He kept his eyes on the company door, occasionally glancing at Y/N in curiosity. It seemed that she had gone from 18 to 13 in her sleep, the stressed lines on her face smoothing out, her lips open slightly as hushed breaths escaped her mouth.

It almost made Five feel guilty that he had chosen her to deal with the fate of 7 billion other lives in only a mere week. He could only imagine how she felt everyday before he came, the weight of the city rested delicately on her shoulders. 

As much as he tried to hide it, it was why he came back. To help, to see his family and friends. Unfortunately, he didn't come back to much as everyone had set up their own barriers, dividing themselves like the walls of the academy.