Becoming A New (Pre-quell to The Movie That Changed my Life)

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I take a seat on the bed and see myself slightly in the mirror. I take off the dress and put it back in the box.

I throw my hair up and put on simple clothes. I grab my phone from my purse and see I have a voicemail. 

"Hi this is Aria, I know it's a little short notice but tomorrow I will readinf you father's will and you need to be there to collect your share. Hope to see you there, thanks, bye."

Everything is happening so fast, he just died last week.

I lie in bed and slowly fall asleep.

****

I arrive at the court room to wait till my father will is read out. I see Aunt Darla and sit next to her. "Hey." I says as I sit down.

"Hey, I didn't see you at the burial yesterday." She says then hugs me.

"I went home before that."

"Well you didn't miss much. Oh they are starting now."

"The will of Mr. Adoms. His will is short leaving everything to one person, Evelyn Adoms. You will be granted the house, car, and all belongings of your father. Case finished." He says leaving me confused.

"What?" I say out loud.

"There must be some sort of mistake, she's only 18." Darla speaks out.

"Yes 18, legal age to take her share which in this case is everything."

Darla and I both look at eeach other and then leaves the court room.

"Why would he leave everything to me?" I ask Darla.

"I'm not sure, he always talked to be about his will and never said anything of the sort. I guess there is nothing we can really do now though. Do you want a ride to wherever you're staying?" She asks.

"Yes please." I says.

The whole car ride is silent other than the noise that came from outside.

She drops me off and Lukes' house, "Thank you." I say.

"Lets not let so much time go by before our next visit." She says and then drives away.

I walk in the house and Luke is sitting on the couch, "Hey." He says sending me a smile.

I look at him but keep walking without returning the smile. I sit on the bed thinking about what I should do with everything.

"I know I messed up saying those things about you to Ashton, I just worry about you a lot. I don't want you to be mad at me anymore." Luke says in the doorway.

"I just don't understand why you would think that to begin with."

"Because, I don't know. You're like my little sister I don't want anything to happen to you."

"Look around Luke I go through stuff everyday!"

"Yeah, and I understand that now. I understand you are a different person than before, you don't need my help anymore." 

"It took you this long to figure that out?" I ask, get up and then hug him.

We both sit on the bed and I get out my laptop, "Are you still stumped for school?" He asks.

"Yes." 

"Didn't you always want to do online classes?"

"I did but then I went to the real thing." I tell him.

"Well you might not have much of a choice at this point."

"I'll think about it."

****

So I did apply to online courses and got in all of them even though I admitted late. 

Today is the first day I have a 'class'. I log into the site and read what I need to and start on my work. Once I'm done I start working on an assignment that's due next week. I work on it all day and then send it to the professor.

The rest of the week goes by and a little of the next with me doing the same thing everyday. My life is homework and assignments. Ashton and the guys want me to hang out with them since they have to go back on tour soon but I'm always too busy.

It doesn't help that I've pratically failed everything I've handed in. I don't understand how I can go from a 4.0 average to almost failing everything I do. All I do everyday is work harder and harder on my work but everytime, fail. 

I have panic attacks so frequent I wouldn't be surprised if I died of a heart attack soon. I try and calm down but I can't I just want to do good but I can't.

Everything in my life seems to be a huge failure right now and I hate it!

****

At the end of one of my busy days I log into my blog for the first time since the schooling started. It makes me smile reading the comments, at least someone thinks I'm good. I deside to make a post.

Do you know that feeling? That feeling when you fail at something so important you feel like you just fail everything else as well. Like no matter how hard you try and tell yourself ‘you can’ in reality for some reason you just can’t.

You feel worthless, unsuccessful, like there is nothing left and the rest of your life will forever be this way. It doesn’t even matter how many people have told you ‘you can do it’ and ‘everything will be alright’ it doesn’t change anything, you still feel the same way inside.

Life isn’t like the movies, books, or even songs. Life is real. Life is painful. You never know what’s around the next corner and what surprise you could get at any moment.

Yes, failure sucks, and it helps you learn and improve, but what if you’ve failed so many times you just don’t want to get up that last time?

Life is hard and frustrating but no matter what happens, no many how many times it puts your down you always have to try and shine. You may seem like you are in the darkest place you’ve ever seen but if you just give up and don’t try ever again then that’s where you will always be. Strive to improve and the world will improve around you. It may seem impossible but it is inside of everyone to do it.

No one is put here on this planet to fail, you just have to wait till the right opportunity hits you, you take that and never let it go.

Never give up, there is always another option.

Right now no matter what I do failure seems to take over but I know I need to continue to fight it, I know I’m meant for more than this. I was made to do better, and I will show that university that I will.

~E.V.E