My Mafia man II

Chapter 11

i feel this chilly shiver down my spine as if someone was watching me, i find John's car driving away and with all my courage i turned around and find a black SUV which looked exactly like James; "James" i whispered and approached more closer to it; is he here for me? Did he miss me like i did to him? Oh James, my James; as i approached more closer to the SUV i hear another car driving towards the parking lot; i ignored it and finally managed to get more closer to it; the window were tinted just like James; "James" i whisper again almost reaching out for the door then suddenly i hear my name called out "Rose" i turned around to see John standing there and the SUV drove away as i stood there with a racing heart. "what is it?" i asked him hiding away my few second excitement that i felt; "who was it?" he asked me pointing towards the direction that the SUV drove; "got the wrong person" i replied with a weak smile, trying to calm down my heart. "what are you doing here?" i asked him looking confused "not trying to be creepy but just wanted to see your apartment, or i can come with Ana next time" he says shrugging his shoulder; "no, you can come in" i replied and made my way towards the door, looking back again for one last time.

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I regret all those times where i took my morning sickness free moments for granted; it has been one of my routine now, waking up, sticking my head into a toilet bowl and reminding myself to not drink any coffee. The day looks warm today with a bright sun shining which reminds me of James bedroom in Sicily, i wonder how the room is now? And the person whose room that belongs to; the thoughts of him brought me back to my last night memory, seeing a SUV which looked almost like his, was it really him? I thought i was going crazy because since the day i came back home from Sicily i feel like someone is watching me closely which manage to give me all the shivers and chill; could it be James watching me all this time?

The nightmare has somehow managed to come into my life; i woke up couple of times last night being scared for my life; i guess this is how i lived before i met James and i hope one day i will be able to live nightmare free just like in Sicily.

I decided to wear an off shoulder plain white dress; even though i am not showing yet i feel paranoid that my tummy was getting bigger; i placed my hand over my stomach and rubbed it gently i wonder how James would react if he had known that i am pregnant. Just then i hear my phone vibrates, it was a message from John "i am downstairs" shit i am late; i removed the towel from my wet hair and let it flow down to shoulder instantly making my dry shoulder wet and cold. I quickly slide my feet inside of a sandal and headed downstairs; shit what should I gift them? I ran back inside to my kitchen and quickly checked my pantry, bingo, box of chocolate, I quickly checked the date to make sure that it was still edible and headed downstairs.

"here, happy anniversary" I wished him handing him a chocolate box; "you have money just chilling in your bank account and all you give me is box of chocolate that was sitting in your pantry?" he asked me jokingly, "what do you want then? Tell me and drive me there" I replied putting my seat belts on, "I am joking, you are coming that's all that matter" he said starting the car. John apologised to me about what happened the other day "i think i stepped out of line" he mumbled looking straight at the road "no, i think i needed it, i do need to face my problems instead of running away from them" i replied trying to comfort him; i remembered Ana's word from the same night how she was asking John if he was happy now? And out of curiosity i asked him what did she mean and that's when he filled me in that Ana was a victim of sexual abuse; as John filled me in all i could remember was how warm and comforting her hugs were to me on that night, how she was able to calm me down, and now it all makes sense.

"here we are" John said pulling over in his garage and I could already hear people's laughter and giggle, i am nervous about seeing Lucy and i feel nervous about seeing Ana, now that i learnt something new about her; "Rose darling" Ana called me from a window and i headed inside towards her; Ana welcomed me with a big hug and warm smile and it almost makes me feel bad for her, is this how people see me as well? Poor Rose? Weak Rose? "Rose, you ok?" Ana asked me breaking me away from my thoughts "yeah, cool" i replied almost feeling pity for her, i wonder how she got over it? Did she even managed to get over it? John said forgiving is good but forgetting is even best, did she managed to forget? "darling you ok?" Ana asked me again feeling my forehead to make sure i am fine; "i wanted to show you something" she said excitedly and grabbed my wrist pulling me towards her bedroom, upstairs, leaving all the guest behind; she giggled as she stepped in her bedroom; it was warm and cosy; Ana pulled out a suitcase from her walk in closet "now that you are going to show soon i got these beautiful dresses" she said with a big smile as if she was showing me her trophies and treasures; "i always wanted a sister to share all these clothes and give them advice about pregnancy and i am so happy to meet you" she said pulling out layers and layers of soft cotton dress which immediately made me miss Daisy, without my realisation i find a drop of my tears falling into one of Ana's pregnancy dress; which she noticed it "oh darling, i hope i am not over stepping, i am sorry if i was, i was just so excited, i- i- am sorry, we just met, i don't know what i was thinking" Ana said almost in a whisper and began to put the clothes back in luggage, "no-no, i am fine, seeing you like this just made me miss my sister" i replied wiping away my tears, "oh you poor thing" Ana cooed and gave one of her magic cuddle which instantly gives me the strength that i need; " i am sorry you had to go through all these terrible things" she said patting my back and i replied back "i am sorry for you as well" Ana stopped immediately and pulled me away; she looked at me with a shocked face, which instantly turned red as if i had caught a child stealing a cookie; "did John tell you?" she asked me stepping few steps back and sitting on an armchair which was in the corner of the room; "yes" i replied looking at her; she look so broke at this moment, that Ana who comforted me just few seconds ago looked completely different now, with her head down, her hands fidgeting nervously and her legs shaking; "hey, its ok" i whispered holding her; and i can only hope that i could give her the same comfort that she gave me; and i guess i did because within a second she broke down into tears; "he was meant to protect me but at the end he sold me Rose" she confessed in between her sob, i wasn't able to understand anything but i stood there comforting her. Ana continued "When my mum and dad died my uncle took me in, i was so grateful for it and i promised myself to never do anything that will cause him any harm but within few weeks he convinced me to go overseas, he told me his family is poor and i was his only hope, he told me he know someone that can find a better job for me in America and like a fool i believed him, few days after he took me to this place and in front of my eyes he took his shares of money and left me there, i wasn't that stupid to know that my uncle has sold me; one of the guy grabbed me by my hair and threw me inside of the shipping container and to my surprise, i wasn't the only one, there were many other inside of it, boys, girls, children you name it; i later learned that we were being shipped to America to work in some kind of factory; during that whole journey not only me but each one of us were raped one by one or sometime in a group by people who bought us. When our feet finally touched the stable ground we were forced into a warehouse, they split us into 2 groups one was to work in some kind of factory whilst ours was to work our way into prostitution; every night they would dress us up and drive us to the alley and dump us there; they would stay closer to us to keep an eye on us and trust me Rose, i liked none of it, i was lucky that i was saved during police sting operation; they took me to a shelter and that's where i met John, he knew what i went through but he still accepted me for what i was, i am thankful for how my life has turned out Rose, i was one of the lucky one. I called my uncle the day i was getting married to John and told him that i forgive him for whatever he did to me because of that i was able to meet John, look at me now Rose, i have my own happy family, i used to have those nightmares as well Rose and it used to scare me to death and don't get me wrong i still have it sometime, once in a blue moon, as if the past is making a mockery of my present" Ana grabbed my hand with her swollen eyes and continued "when you have been harmed, when your trust has been shattered, you end up following in one of these three categories 1. You run away and pretend like nothing happened, but everything eventually comes back and hunt you down in your nightmare 2. You keep your mouth shut and you feel like it's your own fault, you will blame yourselves for something that you had no control and end up killing yourself 3. You will pick up your broken heart, mend it up and forgive them, you forgive them but at the same time show them what they did to you made you who you are, let them know that if they feed you to the wolves, you will come back leading the pack" Ana and i shared our gaze for the longest time and i had never felt so powerful; with James i felt protected, with him i felt safe but with Ana's advice i feel like i can conquer the whole world if i want, so forgiving is the cure to these all after all. Can it be my only way to stop getting nightmares?