THE CEO'S PARAMOUR

8.

Peyton.

There are times I wonder if anything I do for Kol is worth the endurance and humiliation I go through, I chose to keep sleeping with him and dating him despite the wedding ring on his finger.

I'm sure not believing in love has led me to this point, not believing the concept is actually real so, therefore, I've closed up the path to my heart or rather just avoid the hurt because I know it would come.

The dinner with Kol was underway, a beautiful setting with a bottle of wine, great food, and a conversation on my childhood and his deal with Sterling that he finally managed to pull off because he had stayed calm.

"This is amazing, thank you." I asserted and Kol looked up with a boyish grin that would make any man or woman swoon for him. "You're welcome Peyton, now eat but leave room for dessert, it's going to fill you up." He smirked knowing I got what he meant and it made me my skin tingle.

"Before the expo, there is a holiday what are you planning on doing?" I tried to avert the hanging topic of sex which we constantly had. "I don't know yet, my mom usually holds a dinner for anything so might attend that, you?" I don't know why I had hoped his answer would be different.

I was obviously naive enough to think he would actually consider doing something with me and it stung. "Work I guess." I mumbled downing the rest of my wine. Before he spoke a man came to our table. "Kol, it's been a while, hey man." The two bro hugged whilst I sat awkwardly.

"How's Kat?, haven't checked up on her lately." Kol beamed a smile toward the man he was talking about at the mention of the name which I assumed was his wife. "Great, she's doing good." Though he was smiling I could see the obvious anger that flashed on his face.

Kol could easily hide his emotions but you could see a flicker of them in the way he moved. They continued talking as if I didn't exist until I stood up. "Excuse me." I spoke fixing my jacket.

The man whom I hadn't caught his name looked at me quizzically, I knew he was wondering the same thing as I, who the hell I was. Kol only nods my way and began to converse with the man again.

I walked to the bathroom and sighed, I was the only one in there and it gave me a chance to gather my frail nerves and anxiety.

"It's alright, they're just long time buddies or family, Kol is not ashamed of you, It's okay." I mumbled to myself looking at the reflection in the mirror. "It's okay, right? Right?" I knew nothing was okay.

I stepped out of the bathroom and walked to the table. "He's nobody, someone I'm just meeting." I heard Kol before turning. "Thought you were swinging the other way now and ditching Kat." The male he was with spoke and I wondered why he was still there.

"What? I'm not gay that's disgusting, I'm married to your sister if you haven't forgotten and for good reason." In that instant I was pulled back into reality, Kol had said all those words behind my back and it hurt to hear. My eyes stung with unshed tears.

I was glad I'd already worn my jacket, I slipped past the table and hurriedly went past the tables to the entrance. I wanted to cry so badly for being a fool, how had I been so stupid, I was the first man Kol had ever been with and I was the lover he was to keep hidden.

I hoped he wouldn't ashamed of me or wouldn't say hurtful words to avoid people knowing about us, but his words hurt, they were reminders of what I couldn't have and it hurt even more.

I walked out and immediately a cab stopped in front of me. "DeGuisse after Pablo Square." I didn't want to be home or where he could find me. I knew Murdock would be home and that's why I let the cab take me there.

I paid and got out, I was slightly calmer though I knew at some point I would cry. I walked into the building, punched in the floor where Murdock's apartment was in the lift. When it opened I walked to the door and knocked, the door swung open to reveal a pissed of Doc, I knew he was mad at me for canceling our sleepover.

When he looked at me his features softened. "Marls." When he spoke I threw myself at him and cried, I didn't know how or what to say so I let it out, he just held me and closed the door, it hurt having to be hated by the rich and famous for your skin and your sexual preference.

"It's okay, I'm here, I got you." I didn't say anything as Murdock sat us both down on the couch, I still had tears trailing down my cheeks. "His mom is racist, his family is homophobic and I think he's ashamed of me." I cried harder, it hurt having all that thrown on you.

"I'm so sorry Peyton, I know it hurts going through all that, but you knew what you were getting into, you told me you're the first man he's slept with meaning he might be learning who he is, and that is not such a good aspect, I'm sorry if he's ashamed of you but promise me right now, you won't doubt yourself because of that." I nod because only sobs came from my mouth.

"He's a dick, and tonight you're going to forget him." I sniffled wiping away stray tears. "I don't think I can." I mumbled my reply and Doc sighs. "Its never easy to just forget someone who made your world a little brighter, but try." I look and smile at Doc.

He was always there when you needed him, he never failed to show you that he was there to care and I appreciated him for it. "Thank you Doc." He grins getting up from the couch.

"How about chamomile to soothe your nerves and later ice cream to eat your feelings out." I pouted but obliged. When he left for the kitchen I walked to his spare bedroom. Murdock always had some clothes in the closet which I left from time to time.

I stripped and wore blue track pants and a baggy t-shirt, tied my hair into a bun, and removed the little make up I had on my face. "It's ready come on." I followed Murdock to the lounge and sat down to have the tea which would soothe me.

"What am I gonna do." I mumbled and Murdock scoffs. "You're Peyton Marley Lake, you can do anything, starting with telling Kol to fuck himself and his bitch mother." I laugh along with Murdock at his outburst.

"Thanks Doc, I needed this and I'm sorry for canceling our plans tonight, guess the universe still brought us together for the night." His fist lightly hits my bicep. "You damn right." We both laugh as we drank the tea.

I didn't know what I would be facing tomorrow because of what happened but I knew now, despite the lingering threats of disobeying Kol, I couldn't do this with him. He was ashamed of me and himself, he had a wife he obviously loved that much I knew.

I had no purpose in his life except being the man he came to fuck in the night behind closed doors. I wasn't going to let myself be dragged down like that, something had to change or I would get hurt again.

"The Greatest showman or Love Simon?" Murdock asked, that's all I had to worry about, which movie to start first.

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LMJ