Lost Without You

6

Thank you 80s-luvs for Ashton Fair' aesthetic board!!

   Jade and I decide that I'll take her home directly after eating icecream and then unpack by myself. Which basically means I force Jade to stop worrying about me and go home. So I can have another dramatic moment like in the movies while I unpack my stuff.

   I drop Jade off at her house then make my way back to my Uncles house. I try to drive as smoothly as I can, since I didnt grab the twins car seats and they're only 4. In hindsight it wasn't the safest idea, but they had fun so it's fine.

   We make it back home in one piece, which I'll forever be a little more thankful for. I make my way back up to my new room and start unpacking my stuff.

   For the first time in a while truly nothing is happening. I have nothing to look forward to, I'm not happy where I am, and I wove happy if I leave. I still have so much to do but I'm dreading every bit of it.

   I miss my momma, really, really bad. I miss her joy and the humor we shared. I miss my dad and the way he was always full of energy and love. He wanted to help people and run around. I miss my brother, I miss the way he never knew what was going on, I miss the way he was so laid back and easy to laugh with and at.

   I don't care how I would do it, I just want my family back.

    ***

  Laying back in my new bed I pet Roscoe lightly as he refuses to leave my side. I can feel the light tears down my face, but in all honesty, I need this moment to just cry.

   I've been so focused on trying to get here and still be a decent friend, that I feel like I've been ignoring the fact that, my family is gone. I'm focusing on everything else, when I can't even talk about my family without my voice cracking until I sob.

   I lay there, my arm under my pillow, crying lightly. Holding onto Roscoe for comfort. Until one point I drift off.

    ***

  The next few days go by as uneventful as the last. I'm not leaving my room, but the twins visit me every couple minutes. I'm not really checking my phone so I'm sure everyone is starting to worry. But I continue to just hold both the twins close to me as the nap, not saying a word.

   I close my thoughts off, music playing lightly in the back.

   Spunk flies over and rests on my shoulder leaning into my neck, to take his own nap. As I sit their, my face stone cold with no emotion. My usual pale skin is blotchy and red, my skin has never had like a ton of acne, but I have quite a few pimples here and there. My light brown eyes are swollen and red and my hair mirroring the same color is dull and dry from not taking care or it.

   My stomach growls but I ignore it. I don't want to wake anyone up and I'm not exactly in the mood to eat either.

  Hugging Avery and Jay close, I make a silent promise to them, to do my best to keep them safe from the world and never leave their side.

   The kids are so young now and can't see it's faults, but they will one day. But until that day I'll do anything to keep them safe and out of harm.

   I slowly start to feel my eyes droop and I don't fight the sleep. With how terribly I've slept the past couple days, I don't know when I'll get tired like this again.

   ****

  I wake up to the sound of incoherent yelling being muffled by my door. 

  Looking around I see Avery and Jay cowering as far away from the door as they can get and my heart breaks.

   I run over to them and kiss their shoulders before turning to Jay and lightly asking. "Is that your dad making that noise?" and they both nod lightly, trying to get a little more information of the subject I push on. "Does he do this often?"  And they nod again. Avery finally speaks up now and quietly says "only when he's had a drink though, he can get really mean and yell and hurt me and Jayjay. I DON'T EVEN DO ANYTHING AND HES SO MEAN" she says before sobbing into my shoulder.

   I hold her close, not knowing exactly what to say to help her. But I'm sure as hell not letting her go now.

  "You're going to be ok, I promise. I'm here now. I won't let him hurt you." I tell her and then turn to Jay and promise him the same thing.

   "Babies, I need to run and get stuff for the night.  I'll lock you guys in here while I'm gone, he won't hurt you." I tell them and they start shaking their heads at me. "No no no, he'll hurt you instead." Jay says and I want to cry for them and the fear they have over their own father.

   "I'll be ok. I'll be right back" I tell them.and kiss both their foreheads before walking out of the room and locking the door behind me.

   Walking downstairs, I go to the kitchen and get food for the night then I go to the twins room to get extra blankets, pillows and some toys for them. I try to sneak back upstairs and to my room.

   "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!" A loud voice slurs at me and i pinch the bridge of my nose in shame, for this man that I'm somehow related to.

    "Oh you know, hiding your own children from you. Since you beat them around like a punching bag." I snap back and I can tell he might be getting ever so slightly, way more angry.

   "You know nothing" he slurs making me sigh. "Trust me Brad, I know plenty" I tell him and continue to walk back. Well try to at least.

   He grabs my arm and yanks me back up against the way. "Oh very classy, hurt your niece too, always a thrill with you Brad." I reply sarcastically but immediately regret it when I get slapped across the face.

  I freeze for a second before coming to my senses, elbowing him in the gut. Forcing him back and making my way back to the twins.

    As soon as I walk in the room I lock it again before rushing back up to them, swiping them both off from the floor.

   We spend the night, eating junk food and playing random games. In the comfort of this one room. Until we all fall asleep on the one twin bed. Me, Roscoe, Aves, Jay, Spunk, Rio, Pearl and Rockey.