The Darkness That Consumes Us

Prologue

It was only suppose to be another day. I was meant to wake up like any other day and annoy my big brother Alex. To have Doña Rosa look after us while our mom went to work at the salon. To have my little bubble of pure innocence and ignorance, intact. One little knock on the door, that's all it took. I wasn't meant to answer the door when Doña Rosa or Alex weren't around, they always got mad at me but when have I ever listened? I wasn't meant to find two soldiers on the doorstep of our house with sympathetic looks on their faces. One woman and one man, dressed impeccably in their uniforms, the woman with the most perfect dark bun I'd ever seen in my life and the man with buzzed brown hair. Both wore dog tags with names I'll never forget, there's not much about that day that I don't remember. You tend to remember the day that changed everything. The woman's eyes electric blue, the mans the most interesting shade of hazel it almost seemed as if browns, greens and gold danced in perfect synchronization with one another like dancers. but I immediately took note that both had the same exact look in their eyes while looking at me. Sympathy. Pity. Remorse. I knew right then and there something bad happened. Papá was a soldier, he wore the same uniform as these two. But where was he? I may have been only 7 years old, but I wasn't stupid, papá taught me better than that.
"Hey sweetie, is your mommy home? Me and my partner over here need to have a talk with her." She said while kneeling down to my height.
"No my mama is working but I can call Doña Rosa and you can talk to her, if you like?" I noticed the man had not said anything throughout all this.
"Yeah sweetie, why don't you go get her for us and we'll wait outside. And you shouldn't be opening doors to strangers, I'm sure your mom wouldn't want that." She smiled softly at me.
"I know. I'm sorry" I said while ducking my head. "I'll go get her now but, is my dad okay?" I asked and looked up at them. The woman wouldn't look at me. When I looked at the man, his face was hard, his lips where in a hard line and his eyebrows had furrowed.
That was all the confirmation I needed. I knew whatever they were going to tell Doña Rosa and my mom wouldn't be anything good.
"O-okay" I said in a small, bleak voice. I stepped back and looked at them for a moment to see if either one of them would just tell me, but I knew they wouldn't, so I closed the door.
A million thoughts were racing through my head. What if dad got hurt? What if there's something's wrong with him? What if he can't be a soldier anymore? That would be bad because dad loves his job and he gets to see uncle Jax and uncle Matteo. Or worse, what if he's dea- NO. He can't, I can't think like that, he's probably just hurt and we'll get through it together as a family.
I made my way from the front door to the backyard where Doña Rosa was kneeling on the ground and planting poppy's. Next to her was my big brother Alex, helping her plant them.
As I approached she said, " Andrea, ya regresaste de usar el baño. Ven a ayudar nos."( Andrea, you finally came back from the using the restroom. Come help us.) The older woman looked back at me with a warm smile. Doña Rosa has been taking care of us whenever our mom worked and dad was away on a 'tour' my brother called it.
I must have had a weird look on my face because when Doña Rosa registered my facial expression she frowned and asked, " ¿Que paso mi hija?". ( What happened, my child?) That made Alex turn to look at me. He looks so much like dad. We both do, with our brown eyes, black wavy hair and dimples. But Alex has dads smile and just looks like a younger version of him.
   " What's wrong, hermanita?" ( little sister). He asked in concern.
   " Um- well I went to the bathroom and was on my way back when I heard a knock on the door, so I opened it. And there are two soldiers outside asking for mom but I told them she isn't here so they want to talk to you Rosa." I told them while bouncing slightly from left foot to my right.
   "¿Soldados?" Rosa asked and I nodded and I looked down because I thought they would be angry when I told them about me answering the door.
   But when I looked up all I saw was Rosa frozen and looking quite pale compared to her normal golden glow with slight wrinkles from age. Instead of angry eyes like I though I'd see from breaking the rules I saw apprehension.
   I then looked over at Alex, expecting him to at least reprimand me even tho he was only two years older than me. But instead, he looked just like Rosa. That was when I knew my assumption that something bad had happened to dad was right.
   After getting over her stupor, Rosa quickly got up and made her way to the door that led to the house." Quédense acá, afuera. Voy a hablar con ellos y no entren." Rosa said over her shoulder. We both watched her as she made her way into the house and closed the sliding glass door behind her.
   We waited for about 10 minutes, not saying anything, not looking at each other, then I heard him clear his throat. I then looked at my brother and we silently came to the agreement that we were not going to listen to her. With new found determination, Alex got up from his place in the grass and led me to the sliding door. He opened it as silently as possible and we both snuck in. We made our way to the living room and peeled around the corner to see Rosa talking with the soldiers. After they established that Rosa was taking care of us and had called our mom to let her know they were here they stoped talking for a while, waiting for our mom to get home. We then heard keys jingle, a door open and close, and light footsteps making their way to the living room.
   Alex and I tried to get out so our mom wouldn't see us but, of course she caught us. From behind we heard a throat clear and came face to face with our mother. Hands on her hips she stared at us with her deep chocolate eyes which complimented her light pin-straight brown hair and tanned skin. Our mother was beautiful inside and out, with a kind heart and a strong will, she could bring a smile to anyone's face. After that day, our mother was never really the same though.
   "Where you two eavesdropping?" she asked trying to mask her panic.
   "No" Alex and I said at the same time. She smiled at us, but even at such a young age I could see she was trying to be strong for us.
   "It's okay you two can come, this is a family matter." The three of us made our way into the living room where Alex and I gave sheepish smiles to Rosa's accusatory gaze. All of us made our way to sit in front of the soldiers. I sat next to Alex and held his hand while he was next to Rosa and mom was next to me on my right. All our attention was now on the two soldiers.
   "Hello Mrs. Martínez." It was the man who spoke this time. " I am Tristan Rodriguez ". Then the woman spoke, " And I am Natalia Spencer".
" We are here to tell you some very upsetting news. Your husbands platoon was attacked, half the men are dead and the other injured. He-" Tristan didn't get to finish because my mom cut him off.
"My husband was injured right? This is what this is? Please tell me that's what you're here to tell me!" My mother said near hysterical. You could see the worry and dread etched onto her face clear as day.
   "I'm sorry Mrs. Martínez." Natalia whispers. "He was not part of the injured, he died in the fire." She then said.
   It was quiet for a minute. I felt Alex squeeze my hand and that's when I realized it was shaking. I looked up and first I saw the sad look on Doña Rosa's face, then the empty and broken look on my mother's face before she covered it with her hands and started sobbing loudly. I had seen mom cry before, at the end of a sad movie but never like this. But what was worse was when I looked at my brother's face, he looked lost, scared, and angry. He has silent tears falling down his face agonizingly slow, I had never seen my big brother cry before. He was always the strong one, always protecting everyone, he always knew what to do, he never showed when he was hurt even at only nine years old . Yet in that moment he looked more vulnerable than I'd ever seen him.
   I think I noticed all these things because I was in shock and it hadn't yet sunken in that I'd never see my dad again. I'd never get to hear his voice, or his laugh, or see him smile that dimpled smile that he passed on to us. I'd never feel him hug me ever again, or smell his cologne. I'd never get to hear him ramble about cars, and he'd never get to tell me stories about being in the military ever again. I'd never hear him say I love you again. That was when it hit me. That was also when I realized I was crying. What felt like hours was probably only a minute or so.
   I had my head in my tiny hands and was sobbing. I heard Rosa lead Tristan and Natalia out. I heard my brothers almost inaudible sniffles and my mother's heart wrenching scream of pain. Of having lost the love of her life, her best friend, and the father of her children. Rosa left shortly after, wanting to give us time to process as a family. I don't know how long the three of us stayed there but eventually i felt a tug on my hand. I looked up and I knew my brother was asking me to give mom space.
  So the two of us got up from the couch and hugged our mom. Afterwards, Alex led us to his room hand in hand and we laid in his bed snuggled up together.
   After a while, I broke the silence, " I hope he's not in pain wherever he is and that he's looking out for us." Alex breathed in heavily, " Me too hermanita, me too."
   We didn't know how much that day would change everything. We didn't know that when mom got the week off she's never show up to that job ever again. We didn't know she would start drinking Tequila like it was water or popping pills like candy. We didn't know that when we lost our father, we also lost our mother. We didn't know she'd bring home abusive boyfriends and forget to feed us. We didn't know that when she finally got tired of Rosa reprimanding her about who she had become that she would move us all the way to Chicago when we had lived in California all our lives.
   It was only supposed to be another day but it wasn't. That was the day the darkness started ebbing it's way into my life until slowly it took up permanent residency there. That's was the beginning of my darkness consuming me.

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