The Darkness That Consumes Us

Chapter 4

I pulled up to the house and no surprise, Alex wasn't there. I released a breath I didn't know I was holding in. Nate pulled in next to me right after and we both got out and made out way towards the house. I unlocked the house and made my way into the kitchen. I could feel Nates body heat behind me as he passed me to get to the fridge. He silently passed me some leftover empanadas to heat up and I did just that. Lost in the silence that enveloped my brain I didn't notice Nate's stare trained on me.

As our eyes finally met, I could see Hera Ted to say something. "What?" I asked him.

"You know, Irina and Micah would be proud of you." As soon as the words left his lips I felt my body go rigid. My breath was knocked out of me and I turned away slightly to compose myself.

As I raised my gaze back to my best friends across the small kitchen I saw it. I saw a small sad smile on his face but saw something behind those green blue eyes. He couldn't quite hide the pain that shone through from me. Nate could fool anyone with his easygoing smile, the charm, and the whole playboy thing he had going on. But I was always the one that saw through it, I'd known him for a long time. I knew when he was sad, hurt, or mad. And I knew what he needed. He knew me like that too, but i just had to hide how truly broken I was from him.

I didn't want to add on to all the things he already had going on. He had his own problems and didn't need mine to burden him as well. I would always be there for him, because I love him like family. But some things are better left unsaid. The less he knew about all the fucked up shit I have running through my head the better. He would just try to make it better, to fix me. Thing is, I don't think there is any fixing me or getting over what happened.

I slowly made my way towards Nate and pulled him into my arms. He had to hunch over to hug me back properly and if this was about any other topic he would probably be making jokes and taking jabs at how short I am compared to him. But instead, we let a silence that spoke a thousand words envelope us. His familiar scent of laundry detergent and the slightest of expensive cologne invaded my senses. I felt warm and safe with him so I squeezed him a little and he did the same. We clung to each other like we needed each other to stand upright. His face buried in my hair and mine in shoulder. Truthfully, I think we did especially when I remembered there was once a time when there would be another body in this hug. But that's just it, what once was is no longer.

I don't know how long we stood in the middle of the kitchen hugging. I bet we would look ridiculous if Alex was to walk in. But I knew he wouldn't. Of course, Nate saw it fit to lighten up the undoubtably dreary air that surrounded us.

"I think the empanadas where done 5 minutes ago, Drea. We're gonna have to reheat the again. Also your suffocating me kid." He pulled away and smirked at me. And just like that we were back to what could only ever be described as, us. We just had that type of friendship.

I smiled back at him warmly. "All this time and years of me cursing you out and talking in Spanish and you still say empanadas like a gringo."

"Vete pal carajo. I say that one pretty well, don't I? He said with a twitch of his lips.

"Que chistoso eres." I say while making my way to the microwave to reheat the empanadas.

After that, we devoured those empanadas like we were starving and parted ways to our respective rooms. Nate spends so much time here that he practically lives here with us, I mean the guest room is his room at this point. The closet is stocked with all his clothes and shoes and he has all his art supplies here. Nate is an amazing artist, I mean he could look at a person walking down the street and sketch them, perfectly and in so much detail. His love of art is another thing he and his dad often fight about, his dad is such a fûçking asshole now it's ridiculous.

     I stripped out of my clothes and grabbed one of Alex's old shirts and threw it on. It reached mid thigh and was one of the most comfortable things to sleep in. I grabbed my phone from my jeans pockets and started listening to music. I flopped onto my bed and buried myself in the covers. After mindlessly listening to the soft rhythm of music drifting from my phone I started to get sleepy. After fighting with my exhaustion for a while,  my dropping eyelids won the battle and darkness took over me.

I saw a door. It was crisp white, the knob silver and seemingly nothing abnormal. As I tried to make sense of why I was looking at a door I came to a realization. This door was warily familiar.I knew all to well what was on the other side of that door though, the haunting sight I was going to forced to witness. Again. My heart started to race and I got the overwhelming need to run away from the door. But I was trapped in my own body, I had no control of my own limbs. I watched as my hand slowly crept towards it and turned. My legs were not my own as they carried me inside the apartment. It was as if my senses where making up for the fact I lost motor function. All the colors where more vibrant, the smell of the apartment was even stronger. A distinct clean, fresh, masculine scent accompanied by a light flowery one. As I looked around the small living room I spotted the familiar worn down leather couch tucked in the corner, remembering endless nights of binge watching tv shows and talking. The hideous rug that she insisted was actually fashionable and was needed to add some life into the otherwise colorless room. His basketball tucked in far the corner of the wall. The gaming controllers haphazardly placed on the black coffee table. White walls lined with pictures of them, me, Nate, and their mother. Different photos, and in each one we all had dazzling smiles. Photos that used to hold happy memories now just a bitter reminder of what used to be.

     The small modest apartment was shrouded in an unsettling darkness that seemed to make alarm bells go off in my mind the longer I just stood there. My body eventually made its way down the hallway, as much as I willed my feet to stay firmly planted where they were. I passed by his door, the one that hasn't been opened since that night. I walked all the way towards the back, of the hall where the bathroom is. As I near, a pit forms at the bottom of my stomach. An overwhelming wave of dread hits me like a truck but, my steps don't waver.

     Just like that I'm at a second door. I stare at my hand as it reaches for the knob. With the cold silver of the knob in my hand, I become acutely aware of the fact my hand is sweaty and shaking. As I turn it, the unmistakable coppery smell of blood attacks my nose.

     The image will haunt me forever. A tub full of blood, a razor blade on the floor, her form unmoving. Her once golden complexion now turned  to a significantly shade lighter. Curly brown hair that fell around her in almost a halo, now wet and weighed down by the water. A river of rich crimson spilling from the slits on her wrists. But the most disturbing sight was that the face that was once constantly lit up with a devious smirk that told she was up to no good, was now expressionless. Her eyes open staring off into space, uncaring, almost as if a smile had never graced her features. Her rosy plump lips now devoid of any pigment. And the once rich dark brown eyes that always seemed to dance in amusement, now dull. Her chest didn't move with the effort of pulling in oxygen. I knew.

     I didn't realize my knees had buckled underneath me until they made contact whit the hard tile of the floor. All at once the ability to move was given back to me. But now, I almost wish it hadn't because it meant I had the power to move on my own. I just couldn't find the will too, so I lay there, unmoving and staring at my best friends face.

     I would never see her smile again. I would never feel her warmth when she hugged me. I would never hear her constant teasing. I'd never get to hear her and Nate's stupid bickering. With those thoughts creating a storm in my head, it all came crashing down.

     She was gone.

     With that grueling realization, black spots started to dot my vision. The breath was knocked out of me. There was a painful tightness in my chest and throat. A distinct stinging in my eyes as tears flooded my eyes.

     Finally, a piercing scream tore through the silence. I hadn't realized it was my own until it was rudely interrupted by my own sob.

     Nothing made sense.

     I was so overwhelmed with my raging emotions my mind just blanked. With tears silently streaming down my flushed cheeks. I was thrust back into reality. Not knowing if reality was any better.

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