Don't Fall (PJO FF)

30.) Drowning

C H A P T E R  T H I R T Y

PERCY

Most people don't remember the first time everything went wrong. They would look at their life and wonder what the hell happened to make everything so shitty. Though others know exactly when everything went to Tartarus.

There could be many events that could have started this. Though it's always different. It could last for a few hours or a few months. It could take years until they finally start healing again. Some people need help getting there and others learn to push it down, which could be bad.

The thing is, healing is hard and takes time. Going about it the right way helps instead of just trying to forget about it. That may work, but in the end, something could come back to bite them in the ass. But people do it anyway because it's better to forget than to deal with what's wrong.

That's what I did. I haven't dealt with it, I tried to forget it. I never truly forgot it because it always finds a way to pop back into my life at the worst times. I knew I never got past it even though I told everyone I did. It's better to not talk about it and bury it far beneath the surface. At least I thought so. He made me talk about it, the bastard. Now they know that I lied to them for years yet they still stayed... I'm not sure why.

But I can't get rid of them no matter how many years I just dragged them down. Others got dragged into it, I thought it was bad. I met someone I wish never existed and everything seemed to fall apart from there. Now it seems like I'm in the middle of wanting to hate everything or actually feel like I...-

People say that things happen for a reason, I don't believe that. What was the reason for Gabe? There wasn't one. It only made things suck and only brought pain and scars that could never be erased. It didn't make me a better person. It didn't make me a bad person. It didn't cause any of the future events...I guess.

But looking around, seeing the pack so close, maybe that was the reason. I like keeping people close, but not too close. At arm's length because then I know they won't leave. I don't like people leaving. My dad left. I never got to meet him, and he still left. Mom left for a time. Two years she distanced herself from me. Luke left...he died so I guess it's different, but he's still gone and I won't see him again. And I left Will. Everyone leaves... Don't they?

The pack hadn't left and they had more to deal with than everyone. Will...he came back. But not everyone comes back. So I don't want them to leave. I need them in my life, all of them. I may not show it, but I do. They are the string keeping me together, but once one gets cut, it all falls apart. The rest of the strings fall and shrivel up while the thing they tried to keep together breaks apart and crumbles along with them.

So laying on this couch, curled in a ball with someone holding me from behind, I couldn't stop the tears from falling freely down my face. It wasn't because I was sad or I was frustrated with life like all those other times. I cried because for the first time...I was glad I had my pack with me...everyone in it.

I felt the cold fingers wipe the tears from my eyes, but they didn't stop. It was like a dam of feelings got knocked down. Maybe that was the reason I immediately turned around held onto Nico like if I let go, everything would turn back to two years ago. I didn't want to go back to that time, I was fine with right now.

So Nico held me as I cried. He didn't say anything and instead only brought me closer. It seemed like forever before the tears finally quit falling, but I knew it couldn't have been that long. I kept my eyes closed as I slightly pulled away from Nico. His arms unwrapped from around me and used his thumbs to wipe away the tears. I had flinched at the contact and slowly opened my eyes.