Don't Fall (PJO FF)

15.) The Dark Secret pt. 1: Masochistic

C H A P T E R  F I F T E E N

PERCY

"There was so much," I muttered to myself, forgetting that Nico was sitting right beside me as I laid my head on my knees. "So much," I repeated. I thought back to that day. My big secret.

"So much what?" I flinched when Nico spoke.

"No. I can't tell you. I've gone two years without telling anyone, I'm not going to tell you."

"Percy, this isn't good for you," he countered. "Just take a look at yourself. It's eating you from the inside so just tell me."

I put my hands over my ears to block out his voice and shook my head. "No. It's a secret for a reason. I can't tell you. I can't tell you. I can't tell you." I kept repeating that in my head, my teeth biting into my lip to prevent me from speaking. I closed my eyes tightly but I just saw that scene in front of me. Of what I did. I bit into my lip even harder until I could taste the blood.

"Percy! Percy, calm down." I let go of my lip and slowly picked up my head to look at him. He was in front of me now with his hands on my shoulders. "Just calm down, okay."

I nodded and tried to control my racing heart. "Okay. Okay." I breathed out.

"Percy, you've got to talk to someone about it. Do you want me to get Will so you can talk to him? Or a member of the pack?"

I shook my head. "They'd hate me. I don't want them to hate me."

Nico stayed silent for a bit and took his hands off my shoulders. He took a step back and stood there.

"Tell me then. You said you didn't care if I hated you right?" There was a slight harshness to his voice. "So then tell me. Then you'd get what you wanted and I may leave you alone because if you're right then I will hate you."

"You don't get it."

"Then make me get it!" he almost yelled.

"I can't! I just can't!"

"Yes, you can. Tell me the big secret, Percy! Make me hate you!" I get it now. He's trying to make me mad. To get everything off my chest. It's working.

"Just leave me alone, Nico! I can't tell you, I can't tell anyone. It's bad. It's the worse thing ever! I just can't tell anyone about it!" At this point, I was standing up and glaring at Nico. I was scared. Scared and angry. That's never a good mix.

"I can tell you if it's bad or not. So just tell me what it is so it's not bothering you anymore! Why are you so afraid of it?"

"Because I killed him!" I yelled. His eyes widened at my words but I didn't care at this point. "And I enjoyed it! I loved the fact that I got to stab my step-father in the throat and watch the blood drain down his neck. I liked watching as the light faded from his eyes. That's the big secret, Nico! I'm a murderer! I killed my step-father and I hate it. I hate that I liked it. I hate that that was the happiest I had been in my whole life!"

I breathed deeply and glared at the son of Hades as he stared at me with wide eyes and his mouth slightly open. My hands had started to shake and my eyes started to widen as I realised that I had told him. I backed up against the door as my breathing got faster and faster. Nico took a step toward me but I turned the knob and jumped into the cabin. I locked the door behind me and slid down the back of the door.