Don't Fall (PJO FF)

31.) Amnesia

C H A P T E R  T H I R T Y - O N E

PERCY

It was silent for a while. I looked like I was going to bolt out of the house with all their eyes on me, I would if they kept looking at me like that. The pack looked shocked, their eyes were wide and their mouths were slightly ajar. Nico was no better. He looked like he was running what I said through his head over and over again.

"But you...I don't...what?"

"I'm not...I'm not saying it again," I looked away from them, my face burning. "But I wasn't lying."

"I thought you—"

"I don't know! I'm confused and I just don't know. I hate my mate. But...I like Nico. Nico as the human who doesn't have any weird bond with me."

"Percy," Calypso smiled nicely, "there is no 'Mate Nico' or 'Human Nico'. He's just Nico. There aren't two of him, there's one. If you like Nico, then it doesn't matter if he's your mate or not. You can't hate a side of Nico that isn't there."

I knew that, I just didn't want to acknowledge that after years and years of hating something...that it wasn't all that bad. But only because it's Nico.

It's hard to try and deny what Gabe had told me every day and night. I listened to him because if I didn't, it would be far worse than not. So I listened and I believed and being told something for my whole life made it difficult for me to see past that.

Why can't I forget it? Why can't I forget what he told me? It doesn't matter anymore, he's dead. I killed him so why does he still have to have a say in my head? He's dead for a reason, so I could finally live in peace and not have those useless things he said to me haunt my mind anymore.

But even still, as I'm here falling for Nico there's still his ugly voice in my head.

"No one will ever care about you, Perseus."

"You'll always be alone."

"They'll do the same things I did."

"They'll fake it!"

I want to forget what happened. I want to forget what he did, what I did. It'll be better, easier if I forgot. Forgot everything, Gabe, my mom, the pack, Will, Nico, everything. Maybe then I could start over. I wouldn't be so closed off or a useless weight dragging the pack down. I could be happy and live in blissful ignorance without any knowledge of what happened years ago.

The pack would be happy and Nico could be happy and we could all start over like nothing ever happened. I could be with Nico. Why can't I be with Nico? No one's telling me not to. It's only myself. I made that promise to myself to never get feelings for someone because they'll just leave.

Would Nico leave? It's not like he's any different than any other human.

I extracted myself from my thoughts and let my eyes zone on Nico. I tilted my head in thought. Or is he different? He doesn't seem different.

"Percy?" I flinched at the sound of someone's voice and glanced at Hazel. "What is it?"

It's confusing, isn't it? One second to go from hating everything then to having something so stupid come along and make questions pop in a head that was once filled with absolutely nothing.