Don't Fall (PJO FF)

33.) Maybe, Maybe Not

C H A P T E R  T H I R T Y – T H R E E

PERCY

I wasn't sure what was going on in my head when I woke up, but all I knew was that it was cold. I was used to being increasingly warm, I was barely ever cold. Even in the winter I was like a moving heater with the lick of the coldness merely brushing against me. Leo was even worse, but I barely ever felt as cold as I was right now.

I liked it. It was different and it was like feeling something I haven't felt in so long and it was...refreshing, in a way.

Except when my ears picked up on a sound that made it seem like I was in a horror movie. Or maybe just trapped in memory again, but it's never really been like this. I wasn't sure whether to pretend to be asleep or open my eyes just to make sure there was no creepy monster in my room. I knew there wasn't, but a person could never be too sure.

So I opened my eyes and slowly looked around the dark room, sunlight forcing its way through the small crack in the curtain. A head of black hair caught my eye and all I could do was stare. It was almost like I was having a sense of deja vu because we'd done this before. I've always hated deja vu, it was something I couldn't control and happened at the most random times and the only thing I could think was 'I've been through this before, why do I have to do it again?'. But maybe just this once I didn't have to hate it because I knew all that was in the past. He couldn't hurt me anymore, I had to get that through my head.

He's dead. He can't hurt me if he's dead. So get my head out of those bad thoughts and just focus on the cold being snuggling against me. It wasn't all that hard, Nico seemed to get my mind off of a lot of things.

I tried to stay still, I really did, but I just couldn't stop myself from reaching out to softly rake my fingers through his hair. I didn't even question how or why both of us were in my bed, it didn't matter to me.

I still hated the fact that I wanted to be close to him and sometimes I really want to fight it and just push him away. Except, every time I even think about pushing him away I try and bring him closer. It was like my mind was being ripped in two and I didn't know how to sew it back together.

"Percy?"

I almost flinched. Almost. It took so much out of me to not flinch at the sound of Nico's voice suddenly echoing in my ear. I didn't look at him, I kept my eyes in front of me, staring at the wall, but I could still feel my fingers threading through his soft hair.

"Hey," I whispered. I barely knew if I actually said the words or if I just thought it but I was given my answer when Nico responded.

"Hey. Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I'm just thinking."

Nico hummed and snuggled closer to me until I finally looked down at him and rolled over so my head was on his chest.

"Thanks for being my personal blanket," he mumbled and then he was the one playing with my hair.

"It's no problem. You feel nice." I closed my eyes. Nico's hands then left my hair so he could wrap his arms around my back.

"Percy?" His arms tightened around me. "Are you—are you going to push me away again?"

My eyes opened instantly and I lifted myself up so that I could properly see him, even in the dim room. "What?"