My Old Friend

Chapter 39 [(Two Years later) FINAL CHAPTER]

FAITH POV: I splash my face with cold water and stare at myself in the mirror. I watch my hands shake on the sink, as I lean against them. My skin is pale, my hair is dirty and discolored... I'm surprised I've managed to get out of bed today... 

My v-neck dips down too far. I can see the pale pink scar on my left breast right on the edge of it, in the mirror. I pull up the shirt, but it falls back down. I pull the collar to my lips, and smell it gently. This was Tim's favorite shirt, and it still manages to smell just like him... I guess that shows how much he wore it. 

Tim... Tim, he... He passes through my mind constantly -- most of the time without the slightest warning. It drives me nuts. I wish there was just some magic formula that would make me magically get over it, and not cry whenever I hear his name. 

The kids didn't know how to take it. They were confused, to say the least. I think they were stuck between being sad over him, and being happy for me... I guess that's why they didn't show nearly as much emotion as I did. 

"Hey Momma, how are you feeling today?" Addie asks, walking cautiously into the bathroom. She has moved back in, along with her fiance, to make sure I don't completely lose my mind. She stares at me with a sort of sad sympathy, as she watches me remove the shirt from my lips, and peel my fingers from the collar. 

"Fine." I answer, my voice sounding tired and worn. She nods slowly, and takes a deep breath, as if she is about to say something. She swallows her words, and nods once more.  "Everything okay?" I ask, clearing my throat. My words rasp through the quiet air as she shakes her head with tears in her eyes. 

"I'm fine." She practically echos me. I wrap my arms around her, and begin to sway slowly as she breaks down. 

"What's going on?" I ask again. She takes a deep breath, with her arms firmly wrapped around me. 

"I wish there was a way to fix everything...." She cries quietly. Her words numb my chest as I think about what she could be referring to. 

"I wish there was a way too..." I say, running my fingers through her curly brown hair. She pulls away, and looks at me with her father's eyes. 

Tim... 

I begin to cripple to pieces again, as the sound of a heartbeat fills my mind. Is it even my own heartbeat? I mean, it's not my heart... 

"Mom? Are you okay?" Addie asks, as I stumble slowly backward. I back up into the wall, and slide down into a ball. I begin to rock back and forth, in an effort to make my heart stop pounding. That's the last thing I want to hear right now... 

I hear him talk... I hear his words every time my heart is loud enough to hear it. I see the way his lips curl around the words as he says them. 

Baby, just calm down. It'll be okay, Baby. I'm right here, honey, there's nothing to be afraid of. 

"STOP!" I scream. Addie jumps, and slowly backs away. She looks horrified as she watches me bawl and cover my ears. I'm so sorry... 

Faith... Baby... 

"Leave me alone... Please, just leave me alone..." I begin to plead the voice in my head. I peak up for a moment to see Addie is no longer standing there. I am alone... 

Just listen...

"Go away!" I scream, standing up and still covering my ears. I hear the tone of his voice... The rasp and warmth... I want to listen, but it's just a figure of my imagination... It's not him. 

If that's what you want... 

I sob... Like an absolute child, I lean against the wall with my hands over my eyes, and tremble as each tear makes me heave. I've got to get over this...