addiction - draco malfoy

six

it took her the entire week to decide what to wear, if you were wondering. monday she decided on a little black dress, simple and stylish she said. then by wednesday she decided it was so last season to try too hard, and she was just going to wear a hoodie and leggings. then on thursday she asked emma what she was wearing, discovered emma was wearing a v-neck crop top and jeans and had a crisis again. she tried on a plunge neck top, cried at how it 'didn't sit right on her' and threw it across the room in a strop. apparently she was 'too fat in the stomach and too flat in the boobs'.

it's now saturday afternoon, the party starts in less than an hour, and emma is trying to convince her that her shirt and miniskirt combo is fine and that she definitely doesn't need to change again. 'you have remembered that the party is in the forbidden forest, right?' i check 'and you have remembered it's september? and freezing?'. lily picks a pillow up from her bed and chucks it at me, hitting me square in the face. i haven't even started getting dressed yet, and i'm not sure i want to go to be honest. the temptation to do some kind of drugs will be too much, and i think emma deserves at least one night out without babysitting me.

lily and emma are both the best friends i've ever had, but they are complete polar opposites. lily cares about you a lot, but she does sometimes get caught up in herself. she's been known to forget things that normal people would handle with care. she's not necessarily self centred, she can't seem to help it, i think it's just the way she was raised. until she was eleven and came to hogwarts, she was homeschooled. an only child with devout parents, a devout tutor and a whole team of house elves that wanted the world to revolve around her and only her. last year when emma tried to overdose on paracetamol, she forgot about it within two days and asked emma during class if she had any paracetamol for her headache. emma burst into tears and lily still didn't understand what she'd said.

so i know lily won't worry about me tonight, as soon as she gets handed a drink i'll be the last thing on her mind, but emma won't be able to enjoy herself if i'm there. she'll be constantly watching me out the corner of her eye, checking to see who i'm talking to and if they're handing me anything. i don't think lily ever really understand what was wrong with me having a drug addiction, apart from the fact i overdosed.

she doesn't really understand the word addiction, she just sees it as a fun pastime at parties. she doesn't understand that i sometimes feel like i can't physically function without it. that when i try to get sober i vomit and i shake and i get cold sweats and i feel so much like the physical embodiment of death that it drives me straight back to the pills. that kind of thing just goes straight over her head. she thinks it's cool that i know 'all about drugs', she sometimes will hit a join at parties and she thinks that makes her an expert. i think in lily land, all drugs are the same. everything is just like weed but in pill form or powder form. she doesn't realise how badly it fucks you up.

i think it's harder for emma too, because she lost her father to an overdose. kind of shitty luck that her dad died of addiction and then her best friend became one. kind of fucked up that it was emma who originally told me about blaise being a drug dealer because she wanted to buy off him. maybe she'd just wanted to see why her dad had gotten addicted. it can ruin you, desperately searching for an answer to a question that doesn't have one. she never bought off him in the end, she never touched drugs, but she did ask me if blaise zabini was my dealer. i told her no, told blaise he had to ignore me in public. i didn't need emma having that on her conscience.

i look over at the excitement that's clearly shown on emma's face, and then i see the shadows under her eyes and the crease in her forehead that she gets when she's been worrying and frowning too much. 'are you not dressed yet?' lily gasps, turning around to rifle through the wardrobe. 'i'm actually just gonna stay home tonight, i'm really tired and i have a lot of work to catch up on'.
'no' lily protested 'come on you have to come'.
'yeah' emma agreed 'please come, it won't be the same without you'.
'no it's fine really' i insisted, watching as lily pulled the black dress she was originally gonna wear and passed it over to me. 'please come' emma mouthed at me over lily's shoulder 'just for ten minutes? i don't want to walk in past blaise, goyle and crabbe alone'. ah. that made sense.