i spent the entire day building up to it, working in a varying range of crying fits. i had to make it believable. draco had said he would watch a movie with me, and i deliberately chose one that both reminded me of emma and had drugs in it. i needed something to start the conversation.
i waited until about halfway through before i started crying silently again, hoping he would notice. he did, turning to instantly wipe them away. 'sorry' i sniffed 'this movie reminds me of emma'.
'don't apologise' he said quickly 'it's okay'. i watched on screen as they emptied the pills out into this hand and i turned to him gingerly. 'draco-'
'no' he said almost immediately 'you're not'
'i could dream walk to her. like i did to find you' i reasoned. 'elizabeth, have you been dropped on the head? emma will murder me when she comes back. you know she wouldn't want that'.
'if she comes back' i muttered.
'don't think like that' he sighed, 'you have to believe that she will'.
'do you believe that she will?' i asked. he faltered for a minute before nodding brightly. 'emma wouldn't let you down. of course she will'.i sighed, lying back on the bed and staring up at the ceiling. 'i don't see why you won't just give me some, anything. just enough to see her. i could literally save her'.
'elizabeth' draco said sternly 'just stop it with the hero complex. maybe it's shitty to say it, but i care about you more than i care about emma. you're not getting drugs off me, end of, so just drop it'. i glared at him, earlier in the day my anger at him had been fake. of course i hadn't actually expected him to be able to understand what it was like to lose a best friend, but this was the first time since emma had gone i felt like he wasn't even trying to understand.'lily's alone in the dorm. i'm going to sleep there' i said abruptly, standing up and grabbing my stuff. 'elizabeth-' draco started, but i didn't really want to hear it, slamming out of the dorm before he got a chance to finish.
i could hear lily being sick in the bathroom, but i didn't have the energy for that right now. i flopped back on my bed, closing my eyes and willing emma to somehow find me. nothing. i couldn't materialise her up, i was as good as useless. i sat back up in frustration, swiping everything off my bedside table and listening to it shatter on the floor below.
YOU ARE READING
addiction - draco malfoy
Fanfiction'just leave me the fuck alone elizabeth' handles themes of body image, sex, suicide, self harm, eating disorders, homophobia and drugs - please don't read if you're sensitive to any of this or a younger reader does not follow the normal harry potte...