BESIDE YOU

Chapter 2

It is the school counselor.

"Demi, please come with me. I have to talk to you", she says.

I follow her to the room. I already know what she is going to talk about.

" I know that you are going through a hard time Demi", she says.

No, you don't, I want to tell her. I'm not going through a hard time. I'm going through the worst time. And this is never going to end. I have to live with this. This is my life now.

"I just want you to know that we are all here to support you in any way. You can approach us anytime "

But I don't want your support. I don't want anyone's support. I just want everyone to leave me alone.

"Things must be difficult at home now. With the accident..., her voice trails off.

The accident. That's all everyone talks about these days. Or maybe that's all I hear about. I don't know.

Do not talk about it. I don't want to think about that again. You people are not letting me forget it. But it is not as if I could forget it even if I tried to.

Home. It doesn't feel like that anymore. A place that was once filled with happy memories. And now all I find there is grief.

"I'm sure that your sister was a lovely girl. And that you must be missing her terribly".

My sister. I hate her for leaving me broken. Our home felt so empty. I hate her for everything and I miss her like hell. I wish that she was still around. I want to fight with her. I want to laugh with her. I want to sit next to her and talk about all the boys we found cute. I want everything that I can't have anymore. And yeah, I miss her so much that I can't stand it sometimes.

She was supposed to have her last year at school like every normal person. She was supposed to get dressed up for prom. She was supposed to graduate. She was supposed to go to college. She was supposed to fall in love and get married. She was not supposed to disappear all of a sudden. She was not supposed to leave me alone. She wasn't just supposed to die.

You don't know if she was lovely. You don't know if she was tall or short or serious or funny. You don't know if she liked to read or if she believed in love. You don't know her. And now you are never going to know her, my mind was screaming.

Sometimes I'm happy that these people didn't know her. Oh, wait. I think relieved is the word to use. Not happy. For I don't know what it means anymore.

"I want you to understand that this is not the end of the world and that you can move on".

I want to believe that. I want to believe that this is not the end of the world. I know it is not. But this feels like the end of my world. I don't know if I can move on. It just feels so hard.

"I want you to focus on your grades and involve in school activities"

I nod my head.

"I know that you are a strong girl. I know that you will come out of this"

I don't know who I am anymore. I don't know what is happening with my life. I'm going wherever life takes me. I've stopped trying to live. I've forgotten to live, just like my parents. They don't know what's happening anymore.

As I walk out of the room I hear her voice behind me

"Remember, this too shall pass"

I hope it does. I really hope it does.

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