Finding Amity

Chapter 5

Growing up, Cooper and I hated each other. We fought at every birthday party and 4th of July and New Years.

That is, until New Years 2016

I was never the jealous type. My friends at the private school I went to bragged about their clothes and their fancy houses and their summers travelling around the globe, and I never battered an eye. Then, all of a sudden, every girl was getting in relationships and having their firsts and... I don't know. I was terrified of being left behind. It felt like the worst thing in the world was to graduate a sad little virgin girl.

Suddenly, it felt like it was inevitable. None of the boys at school were interested, I didn't exactly meet new people often. I resorted to looking for a boy that I knew well enough to trust and feel comfortable with, but who I didn't need to cross paths with every single day. Someone I could avoid afterwards.

I came to conclusion, that Cooper was the answer.

The fireworks echoed through the sky and I stood beside Cooper as we watched the ocean from the balcony of my parents beach house. She and my parents were on the beach, talking to the other grown ups around a campfire.

Romantic was not the word I'd use to describe the moment I turned to him and asked, "Do you wanna have sex with me?"

It also came out rushed and a little louder than I'd intended.

"What?!" He exclaimed, complete and utter confusion written on his tan face. He grabbed my wrist and pulled me inside, closing the door so we could have the discussion privately. "What the fuck are you talking about, Amity?"

"I don't wanna be a virgin anymore. I want to do it with someone I trust. I trust you."

He looked into my eyes, searching for a sign of hesitation. I maintained my poker face.

"Yes or no?"

He answered the question by pressing his lips to mine, reaching out to grab my hips. I grasped the back of his blond curls and pulled him lower, deepening the kiss. His tongue fell into mine and they twisted against each other, a knot forming in the base of my stomach. He pulled away for air, staring down at me.

"Are you sure about this?" He asked.

I could feel in his grip on my waist that he wished I'd say yes.

It seemed so important at the time. It seemed like my only option. If I chickened out, Cooper would forgive me, but I could never forgive myself for throwing away my only chance at escaping the life of virgin spinsterhood.

"I'm sure." I promised, standing on my toes to continue our kiss.

The rest was a blur. We went into his room, and within a couple minutes it was done.

I remember him being gentlemanly. He asked me if I was okay at every step, and stopped before he had finished when he could tell the slight pain was becoming overwhelming for me. I thanked him when it was over. He chuckled and told me it "Was a pleasure".

When he fell asleep, I snuck out of his guest room and went to my own bed, rolling around to try and find a comfortable position to sleep in.

I told myself it was okay that I wasn't dating Cooper, and that I wasn't upset with the fact that I didn't get to fall asleep in his arms after giving him something as significant as my virginity. Life isn't that romantic. Reality isn't always like it is in the movies.

The next day, a hungover driver swerved out of his lane and hit my parents car while they were on their way to pick up breakfast. They died of their injuries a couple hours later in the hospital.

Then I moved in with Cooper. A boy I'd slept with under the impression I would only be seeing him three times a year, now slept in a room a couple feet away from me.

We agreed to forget about that night, for the sake of not making anything more awkward than it needed to be. Since then, we grew closer than we had before, and I did see him as a brotherly figure.

But every now and then, it did cross my mind. I hated to admit it, but he was like a back-up. If I never find "the one". If I never fall in love. Cooper was an option.

Cooper will always be an option.

The game continued, me picking truth on every one of my turns. One round, I rolled the dice instead of answering, landing on the number two. Pippa poured two shot glasses of yellowy liquid and I gulped them down, coughing as the spicy petrol taste travelled down my throat.

Surprisingly, I found myself enjoying my time there. That is, the moments when I couldn't feel Isaac's eyes burning holes in my back.

Pippa and I left at 1:30am, getting a lift from a sober sorority girl with two long blonde braids down her back named Serenity. I kicked off my shoes and stumbled into bed in my dress, not bothering to even take off my makeup. I passed out almost immediately.

I enjoyed that party WAY too much. I wasted my high school life avoiding parties, if only I knew how fun it was to be drunk.