Finding Amity

Chapter 14

I didn't even have to come up with some excuse to get out of parties where I'd inevitably run into Isaac, because within my second week I found myself quite literally buried in homework and assignments.

Despite coming 1st in AP chemistry and biology in high school, I was close to a break-down from just studying a course that had the audacity to call itself "Basic Principles of Biochemistry". I grabbed fistfuls of hair and quietly groaned.

"Amity! You have got to chill out!" Hadiya called out from my laptop.

She and Birdie were in their dorm room, almost as freaked out as me. We spent all day studying at the library, had a half an hour break to have a shower and go back to our dorm rooms, then set up in our individual rooms to continue studying past curfew. To put it briefly, I was fucking tired.

"We have a test on Tuesday." I spoke with a mouthful of ramen. Pippa brought a small microwave for our room and since then its all I've been eating. "I don't have time to chill out."

"We all have a test on Tuesday." Birdie reminded me soothingly. "And we all have two more days to study. But right now, I think we need to go to sleep, and wake up fresh tomorrow."

"I am still not going to understand this to-" The door creaked open and I turned to see Isaac in the hallway. "Isaac?"

I quickly slammed my laptop shut as Hadiya wasn't wearing her hijab on the other side of the screen, and stared back up at the boy who had now walked into my room and taken a seat on Pippa's bed.

"Hey." He greeted softly. I continued to stare, awaiting an explanation as to why he was here in my room when I knew, for a fact, that he was supposed to be at a party at his house.

It had been the hardest party to turn down. Apparently Isaac lives at a "not-a-frat-but-kind-of-a-frat" mansion with 12 other hot guys. The hot guys weren't the attraction for me. The opportunity to possibly sneak into Isaac's room and find out a little more about him was what I was intrigued by.

Maybe I should be studying criminology instead of neuroscience.

"Sorry for breaking into your room." He mumbled. "By the way, your RA is pretty nice. She didn't even care that I was coming in here after curfew."

"You spoke to my RA?!" I hushed. "Did you tell her you were coming here?"

He nodded, almost confused by the predicament I was now in.

"You just gave my RA a reason to be on my ass for the rest of the school year! She is going to watch my every move!" Isaac shrugged, incapable of feeling a smidge of guilt. I sighed and moved to sit on my bed. "Why are you here?" I asked.

"Isn't it obvious." He smirked. I shook my head. "To see you."

I felt my pulse quickened as I cursed myself. That statement should annoy me, not send my heart in a spiral. I straightened my posture and continued.

"Seriously, Isaac. Why are you here?" I demanded.

"You're stubborn." He noted. "Nice pyjamas by the way."

I looked down at the pink unicorn flannelette set I wore and grimaced. Tonight, of all nights, I had to be wearing these pyjamas. They were a gift from Carrie and I only had them on because I was behind on laundry. I grabbed a pillow and held it against my chest and he laughed.

"Don't you have a party to be at." I questioned.

"Party was boring."

"And sitting here in my dorm room isn't?"

Isaac ignored my question, laying down on Pippa's bed, putting his arms behind his head and closing his eyes. My eyes lingered on the bicep muscles that flexed beneath his white t-shirt.

"Nice view?" He added, his eyes remaining closed.

"Oh, what?" I stuttered. He sat up again, holding his hands together and fidgeting with them.

This state was new for Isaac. He was slightly hunched and kept fidgeting and readjusting. His dark brown eyes darted around the room. If I didn't know any better, I'd say he was nervous.

"Are you... mad at me?" He asked cautiously.

"Why would I be mad at you?" I laughed hesitantly.

"We had a fight last weekend, I thought we figured it out, I thought we were cool, then you didn't show up tonight." The tone of his voice was nonchalant, but his mannerisms betrayed him. He was actually worried about the possibility that I was mad at him. My heart skipped a beat.

"School work." Was all I could muster out. "I have a test on Tuesday."

A thought crossed my mind, followed by repeated demands that I "don't say it, don't say it, don't say it".

"Why do you care, anyway?"

I said it.

I don't know what I was expecting. Did I think he was going to suddenly admit he is desperately in love with me or something? He barely even knows me.

"I like hanging out with you." He stated.

I didn't believe him.

"Are you drunk?" It was supposed to come out as a genuine question, but sounded more like an insult.

He scoffed. "So I have to be drunk to say something moderately nice."

I thought back to every conversation we had had, and nodded.

"I'm not drunk." He mumbled. I stared at him, my right eyebrow unintentionally raised. I tended to do that when I thought someone was lying. "Okay, I'm a little bit drunk."

"Dude!" I shouted. "You snuck into my dorm room, drunk? Are you actually trying to ruin my reputation?"

"Reputation?" He shot up out of Pippa's bed and took two strides to the side of my bed, his face only inches from mine. I could feel the fury radiating off of his body and I couldn't quite understand why. "You can't be friends with me because you want to protect your goody-two-shoes reputation?"

It wasn't me he was mad at. It was that word: reputation. Reminder to self not to use that again.

"No, no, Isaac. I didn't mean it like that. I just meant that... well, my RA believes I invited a drunk guy into my dorm room in the middle of the night."

Isaac's glare remained stony as he stared into my eyes, but his jaw softened. We were so close right now. I could feel his warm breath on the tip of my nose. His dark eyes flickered down to my lips and a knot formed in my stomach. It took all my strength not to bring my mouth to his and melt into him completely.

This isn't what I wanted. Pippa warned me about him, about the way he treats girls. I was not going to become another one of his play-things. We are just friends.

"Isaac." I muttered, trying to break the tension. My voice came out hoarse and he gravitated even closer. He placed his hands on my bed, on either side of my thighs, trapping me close to him. I noticed the light red spray of sunburnt spots over his nose and the very light scar cutting through his left cheek.

"Amity." He breathed.

My hands felt numb as I placed them on his chest and lightly pushed him away from me. "I think you... I think you should go." My heart shattered as I said it.

My instinct was to hold him tightly and never let him out of my grasp, but my mind knew better.

Isaac nodded, as if slowly convincing himself to do so. He ran a hand through his soft hair and walked out the door, not even bothering to say goodbye.

What just happened?

Did Isaac and I almost kiss?

I flicked off the light switch and tucked myself into bed, my mind in disarray and no longer feeling the stress of college classes. Instead, anxiety over Isaac and what that whole ordeal was about settled in my chest.

Something told me that we were never going to be able to be just friends.