Finding Amity

Chapter 39

I followed behind Isaac as he made his way to the off-white trailer parked next to Pippa's.

"Its a bit of a mess." He explained as he opened the rusted screen door.

We stepped inside to a slightly messy, but very homey trailer. The entry room was a living area with a small deep tv on a coffee table and a single murky green two-seater couch. My bare feet rested on crusty dark yellow carpet. There was a small kitchen in the corner and a single door beside the lounge, no dining table. The fridge was covered in children's drawings the Isaac must have done, the main one catching my attention being a blue dog. Isaac stepped into the next room as I waited in the doorway.

"You can step inside, you know." Isaac laughed lightly at my awkward stance in the entrance of the room.

"I didn't want to intrude." I explained as I stepped in.

Another two doors were on the left wall, to the main bedroom and the bathroom I assumed. The walls were cracked and seemed to vary in height, but the small bed and the worn dresser were kept neat and tidy, and I felt a small tinge of homesickness, more for a home rather than for my former home.

Isaac opened up a drawer and picked out a black t-shirt. He turned and threw it into my arms. I caught the shirt, but stayed in place, my body frozen under the look in Isaac's eyes.

"Did you wear it for him?" He croaked.

"What?" I asked, confused.

"That," He gestured to my chest, and I realised he was talking about the bra. I held his shirt to my chest to hide my body. "Did you wear it for him?"

"Isaac..." I trailed, unsure of what to say.

"It's a simple question." He laughed helplessly.

I opened my mouth, but no words came out. I couldn't tell if he was trying to slut-shame me, or if he really cared and just wanted to hurt himself further. But either way, I still didn't know the answer.

I had intended to take mine and Dustin's relationship to the next level. I went shopping and picked out this underwear set to impress him. I put it on while fantasising about the romantic night I was hoping for. But here, in this small room, so close to Isaac, his dark eyes boring into my soul, I couldn't imagine why I would ever want to be with someone who was not him. In this moment, all I wanted was for Isaac to take me in his arms, kiss me as he ran his hands through my hair and over my body, I wanted to feel his body entangled in mine.

"I don't know." I exhaled, my voice barely a whisper.

Isaac took a step towards me, and then another. My heart pounded in my chest as he moved close enough for me to feel the heat from his breath and the warmth of his bare chest.

His hand rested on my waist, his thumb grazing my bare skin.

"Tell me if you want me to stop." He whispered as his lips brushed against my cheek. "If you want nothing to do with me..." He kissed my other cheek. "Just push me away..." His mouth travelled to my earlobe as he lightly nibbled on the soft skin, sending shivers down my spine. "And I'll never bother you again." He moved down to the spot he'd left a hickey the night he broke my heart, and kissed it gently.

My brain begged me to remain faithful. To leave Isaac here in this bedroom and walk away, but my body wouldn't let me do anything but melt into him, my hands resting on his toned stomach.

"Do you want me to stop?" He asked, his eyes meeting mine. My stomach knotted in desperation. I wanted him to keep kissing me, to keep showing me what it feels like to need someone like this.

"No."

He brought his lips to mine with such intensity it almost knocked me off my feet. One hand buried itself in his hair while the other wrapped under his arm and grasped onto his shoulder. I deepened the kiss, tracing his tongue with mine. His hand moved down from my waist and gripped my behind, his fingertips surely leaving bruises, but I didn't care.

He guided me backwards, until I was sitting on his bed. He leaned over me, forcing my onto my back before continuing our kiss. His teeth bit into my lip and I moaned lightly, unable to control how much I wanted him. His eyes fluttered open, darker than usual and his pupils dilated. His breath grew heavy.

I used the break in the kiss to grab the hem of my wet shirt and peel it from my skin. His eyes travelled down to my chest and back to my eyes, a smirk etched into his face.

"God!" He hushed. "You don't know what you do to me, Amity."

With his body flush against mine, I could tell part of my effect on him. I pulled him back down to me, meeting his mouth with mine. Our kiss grew passionate and messy, and his hand travelled up my stomach, hovering cautiously above my chest. I placed my hand over his and pushed it down, his warm hand cupped over me. He smiled into our kiss.

I moved my hand down to the waistband of his shorts, my finger slipping just beneath the hem. He pulled away, taking his hand off of me and rolling onto his back beside me. Our heads turned to each other, and we stared into the other's eyes for a second, by breaths slowing down.

"You don't want to?" I whispered, my heart sinking slightly.

"No, I want to." He assured me. His eyes raked up and down my my body as a blush burnt into my cheeks. "You don't know how badly I want to. Just not here. Not in this small bedroom, not with flecks of mud on your face-" He reached out and wiped the skin just above my eyebrow. "-Not while you're still in a relationship." He whispered, his voice catching in his throat. I turned to the ceiling, forcing down the guilt that pained through my chest.

"I want it to be-"

"Special?" I laughed. It was the dream for most young girls, but none of us really get that.

We got a dark room with a guy who only wants us for our bodies and a high-five after he finishes and leaves us unsatisfied.

Or, we got an uncomfortable night with a family friend and wake up the next day to find our parents dead and our life shattered.

"You know I'm not..." I started.

"You're not?" He asked, no sense of disdain in his voice.

"In high school-"

"You don't have to tell me." He explained, his hand resting beside my head, turning me to face him as his thumb stroked my cheek. "And I don't care if its your first time or your hundredth time. It will be our first time. And it will be everything that you deserve."

He kissed my forehead before stepping out of the bed. He grabbed a folded pair of sweatpants from his chest of drawers and placed them on the bed beside his shirt I'd thrown there.

"The showers in there." He pointed to the door to the right. "You can wash up and put these clothes on. I can drive you back afterwards."

He smiled, a wide goofy grin. I beamed back at him.