Persona 5 Chat Fic

He's Therapissed Off (also this chapter has exactly 420 words in it)

headcanon: on days where Ren hangs out with Maruki and doesnt progress his confidant, they just stay in his office, getting high on juice and fruit gummies while talking about the first thing that comes to their minds and its usually hella random

SnaccBoi: hey ren, how r u?
ThotSlayer420: im hungry
SnaccBoi: wanna drop by the office? we can chill!
ThotSlayer420: sureeee
SnaccBoi: yay! \(^.^)/

~~~~~~~~~~

"... Hey Doc, what's an angry therapist called?"
"Ren, please don't do this."
"What are they called, Doc?"
"Ren, please."
"D o c ."
"... Therapissed."
"Thank you."
"You're welcome."

(i feel like everyone who's ever heard of the word therapist has thought of that. "therapissed" sounds too amazing not to be thought of)

"... Hey Doc, ever think about if Goro Akechi can suck his own dick?"
"Ren, no---"
"Do you?"
"No, but I'm sure you do."
"Yeah, you're right." He admitted it so easily.
"When will you two just marry eachother?"
"Gay marriage ain't legalized yet."
"In my reality it was!"
"... So, were you just setting Goro and I up?"
"... Yes, that was my intention."
"That sounds like the most epic fanfiction of all time."
"But it wasn't fiction! It was reality!"
"Shush, shipper."
"Hmph. Sakura-san writes fanfiction, I write reality."
"Sureee, sure."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"... Futaba's fanfictions are all NSFW."
"Wait what?" Maruki almost chokes on his juice.
"Yeah. She showed one to me. It was about---"
"You and Akechi-san... having---"
"Yeeeeep. Pretty steamy though."
"A-And you're just okay with that!?"
"I mean, kinda. It's weird when they describe my dick though. And Goro's dick. But it's fine I guess."
"Wow, you're really carefree, Ren."
"They usually get the descriptions wrong anyway."
"Well, how do you expect them to know what your penis looks like!?" Maruki explains, laughing.
"I dunno. I mean, they probably know what Goro's dick looks like. There's gotta be nudes somewhere."
Ren deadpans, still sipping on his empty juice box.
"I'm sure if there was, it'd be all over the internet."

"..."
"..."
"..."
"..."
"... We were fucking in the shower."
This time, Maruki spits out his juice. "BDOSHEKAIHWUDIWIAIKFOWOEJE WHAT---"
Ren jumps at the sudden movement. "Woah, chill, you're ruining the relaxed vibe, my guy," he says.
"I-I'm sorry but what? You two were what?"
"Oh, I meant in Futaba's fanfic." Ren mumbles.
"Ah, haha, o-okay! Hah," Takuto catches his breath.
"Did you think we were actually fucking eachother? We aren't even together yet..."
"Wait, so did you actually finish Sakura-san's fanfic?"
"Yep. It was aight."
"... Okay then, we'll leave it at that..."