Ikaw pa rin ang Pipiliin

Eleven

"Why are you sorry, Dom? What are you not telling me?" I asked him as I controlled myself from sobbing.

"Ang totoo kasi, nung nahuli mo kami ni Eunice, it wasn't true na 'yun 'yung first time na nag sex kami," he narrated. "She was my ex before you, so we've done it. Pero recently, we have been fucking for some time. Mga three months na siguro. I'm so sorry, mahal."

"What? She was your ex?" I asked again as I swallowed a big lump of bitterness. That's why her name sounded so familiar. Tanginang buhay naman pala 'to. "Tell me. Three months kayong nagkakantutan. Was it purely just goofing around or was it more than just sex? Baka kasi may feelings involved na. Lalo na't ex mo pala siya."

"Three months na kaming mag fling," he directly answered. "But it was nothing serious, mahal. Tsaka tinapos ko na rin naman. Wala na talaga kami ni Eunice. I ended things with her kasi ikaw talaga 'yung mahal ko."

"Ako 'yung mahal mo pero nakipagkantutan ka sa ibang babae. Okay. Is that your definition of love, Dominic?" I questioned him as my tears started to fall again. "Kasi 'yung alam kong kaluhugan ng pag-mamahal, Dom, hindi gagawa ng bagay na alam nilang makakasakit sa taong mahal nila. Hindi manloloko, hindi sisirain 'yung tiwala na ibinigay sa'yo, hindi magsisinungaling, hindi gagawing tanga 'yung taong mahal nila para lang makalusot sa kasinungalingan nila."

"I-I know, I'm sorry, Kelsey. Hindi ko kasi talaga alam ano nangyari sa'kin at nagawa ko 'yun," he stated as he held my hands.

"Don't touch me with your filthy hands!" sigaw ko at hinablot kamay ko mula sa pagkahawak niya. "Don't touch me with the same hands that held Eunice. Don't hug me with those arms that hugged her. Don't kiss me with those lips that kissed her. Tangina ano 'yun? Ex with benefits? Or reenacting those days na kayo pa?"

"Mahal," he called me as he looked at me sadly. "Hindi sa ganun 'yun. Nadala lang ako sa panunukso niya. I'm sorry."

"Huwag mo akong matawag tawag na mahal kasi hindi naman ako 'yung mahal mo talaga, 'di ba?" tanong ko habang. "At nadala ka lang sa panunukso niya? That's bullshit, Domini. Complete bullshit! Kasi kung mahal mo talaga ako, hindi ka magpapadala sa kahit anong panunukso niya. Kahit maghubad pa siya sa harap mo, hindi mo siya gagalawin kasi ako mahal mo. Pero hindi eh. You did the oppiste. Not once, not twice, not even thrice because you did it countless of times!"

"No, mahal. Ikaw lang 'yung mahal ko," he reassured me. "Si Eunice? Hindi ko siya mahal. Panandaliang saya lang siya, mahal. Siguro namiss ko lang 'yung kami. But you, you're the woman I love, the woman I want to marry and to be the mother of my children. Ikaw lang talaga, mahal."

"If ako lang talaga 'yung mahal mo, Dom, wala sanang panandaliang saya kasi kontento ka na sa'kin at sa pagmamahal ko," I justified. "You wouldn't look for another girl to be your past time if ako lang talaga 'yung mahal mo. You wouldn't fuck another girl if ako lang ang mahal mo. You know what you did? You weren't sure if you really did love me kaya naghanap ka ng iba para maging sigurado ka. But since you found happiness and excitement with her, that you didn't have with me, you stayed with her and prolonged your prohibited relationship.

"And now that you were caught redhanded, sinasabi mong ako lang mahal mo para paniwalain ako na nagsisisi kang nagkamali ka when in fact nagsisisi kang nahuli ka. Cheaters won't be cheaters unless they're caught, right? Cheaters who aren't caught are players who do their best to hide the truth. Honestly, I don't know what to believe anymore, Dominic. I've heard enough lies coming from your mouth that I don't know what's real and what's not anymore. Gulong gulo na isip ko, halos hindi ako makatulog kagabi kakaisip kung bakit mo nagawa sa'kin 'yun, when I gave you everything. My love, my time, my trust, my understanding, my care, and almost a decade of my life. Hindi ka nga nakontento dun eh. And now you're saying gusto mo ako maging nanay ng mga anak mo? For what? Para magawa mo ulit sa'kin 'to? I don't know anymore, Dominic. I don't know."