Ikaw pa rin ang Pipiliin

Twenty

  Can someone tell me how to forget someone you've loved so much? How do you erase all the memories you've shared and enjoyed for eight long years? How can I make myself be okay? When can I say that I AM okay. 'Yung walang halong pagpapanggap at pagsisinungaling.

Does it take a few days? A month? Or years? How long am I going to sulk over him? Over a love I let go? I sighed as my mind can't think of any answer to my own questions. I stared at my own reflection, my eyes filled with sadness as I think of what day today was.

October 24, 2020. Today was his wedding day, the big event where he's going to tie the knot with the woman he has loved ever since he was in high school. And here I was, sitting in front of my dresser, looking at myself at the mirror, asking myself if attending this event was the right choice, knowing the present situation.

I sighed again as I returned my blush brush into its place. Tumayo na ako at tumingin sa salamin ng huling beses bago pa magbago isip ko. There's no turning back now, Kels. I smiled and grabbed my purse and the invitation off my desk and went out of my room.

"Ate, sigurado ka ba sa kalokohan mo ha?" tanong ni Khiara na sumalubong sa'kin pagkalabas ko ng kwarto. "Baka kasi magwala ka dun, o di kaya sisirain mo kasal nila. Ate, if 'yan plano mo, huwag na tayo tumuloy. Please lang."

"I'm not going to destroy their wedding, bunso. Dadalo lang ako kasi invited ako," I assured her.

"Pero kaya mo ba anak?" tanong ni mama. "Si Dominic na pinaguusapan eh. 'Yung lalaking minsan mong minahal at mahal pa rin hanggang ngayon. Kakayanin mo bang makita siyang sa iba ikakasal? It'll be like suicide."

"I don't know if kaya ko manatili hanggang sa matapos ang seremonyas, ma, pero I'll go because he deserves to know that I've forgiven him," sabi ko kay mama. "Ayokong ikasal siya tapos ako pa rin iniisip niya, if ever. I want him to marry Eunice with a peace of mind and a peace of heart. That's the only wedding gift I can give them: my blessing."

"Oh, my Kelsey," wika ni mama. "You don't deserve any of this, ate. But the way you handle it, masasabi kong matapang ang panganay ko."

Niyakap nila akong tatlo at niyakap ko rin sila. After a few moments, umalis na kami ng bahay at pumunta na sa simbahan kung saan ikakasal sila Dominic at Eunice.

I stared outside the window as my thoughts were fixed on what I'll say to Eunice if ever I bumped into her. Dapat ba 'Congrats, Eunice! You've stole Dominic from me successfully. Have a happy life!"? Nah, ang bitter pakinggan. What if, "Congratulations, Eunice. You won. Have a happy life. I wish nothing but the good things in life for you, Dom and your baby."? Yeah, I guess that's better. I sighed again and rested my head on the headrest, thinking if this day could get any worst.

"Ano ba problema mo ate at parang ang lalim ata ng iniisip mo?" tanong ni Khiara. "Gusto mo ba mag backout? Pwede pa! Pwede tayo dumiretso sa Ayala at dun na lang magsaya sa Timezone. Let's just enjoy and run away from the battleflied na sure talo ka."

"Pinagsasabi mo dyan, bunso?" I chuckled. "Tuloy tayo, okay? Tama na nga kakasabi na huwag na ako tumuloy. And it isn't a battlefield kasi tapos naman na ang labanan. Talo nako."

She rolled her eyes and sighed in defeat. Napailing na lang ako sa reaksyon niya at tinuloy pag tingin sa labas ng bintana, my heart starting to beat fast as we were nearing the church.

Pumasok na ako sa simbahan at naghanap ng pwedeng maupuan na medyo malayo sa altar dahil baka mag-object ako. At malayo na rin sa gitna because I might snap when I see Eunice and attack her.