Selenophilia

Six

She decided not to think about it.

Not a single thing about everything except to escape.

Elise doesn't know them. They're not family. They're not human. They're strangers.

They only saved her and she's grateful for that, really, but she doesn't want to stay here for any longer.

Because let's face it.

Elise doesn't belong there.

She doesn't belong in their world.

She belongs alone like what her aunt had told her. Elise belongs alone with no one but her chains to keep her down, with no one but her boxed up feelings to keep her down.

Who needs her anyways? There'd be no one to remember her, no one to love her, no one to watch over her, to yearn for her, to keep her, to want her.

To want her.

What would that feel? To be wanted? To be loved and taken cared of? It must be a good feeling. That feeling of all your worries vanishing away, only wanting to lean into that feeling of being embraced with emotions pouring down on you, feeling safe. Feeling secured. Loved. Elise had forgotten that feeling. She imagined it to be warm and gentle. Like the morning light of the sun.

Well, she imagined it to be more like the moon.

The bright, gentle, beautiful moon.

It must've been like that. Bright and beautiful. Gentle.

U N R E A C H A B L E .

Elise could only dream of such thing. She could only experience a phantom of its feeling before she goes back to feeling hallow, numb to any emotions. She could only let it consume her for such a short amount of time before going back to drowning.

A week.

Elise had been stuck there for a week, trying her best not to let it consume her, trying her best not to get a taste of its warmth, trying her best not to reach her.

But it was hard.

In those few days, Marielle had been warming up to her. She apologized for her straightforwardness and tried a more gentle approach.

Elise then decided to let Marielle treat her like they're family because no matter what Elise say, Marielle would always go back to treating her like a little sister.

Or that's when Elise sees.

It was nice to be treated like one but it'll be hard to leave if she gets too attached.

'You deserve to be alone.' Someone sang in her mind. 'Alone. Deserve to be alone. They're strangers. Leave.'

And Alice was never to be seen again.

But at least, she's got the library all to herself.

"You're hands are shaking."

Elise flinched and looked at Marielle's concerned expression. The little girl then looked at her hands and scowled.

She hummed in acknowledgement. "Indeed, they are..."

She then clasped her hands together and let out a shaky sigh.

Today was not a good day for her.

There were days where she has her good and bad days. Today was definitely a bad day. The voices in her head were much louder, singing taunting things that sounded more like her relatives. She could feel her imaginary chains pulling her down, which explains the shaking. She could feel herself drowning, could feel herself feeling vulnerable and wanting to be held.