Selenophilia

Thirty Nine

"Aubrie, shhh... "

Elise gasped painfully as another coughing fit came over her. Flowers, petals and blood painted the forest floor as she kept gasping for air

But air barely came. She could barely breathe as she was engulfed in a painful feeling deep in her chest, giving her no time to recover from the series of body wracking vomit that burned her throat like acid.

She couldn't even hear Cleo but she was thankful that he was holding her firmly because if he wasn't then she would've fallen on her knees by now.

"I-I'm fine." She wheezed out, hoping that she could believe her own words. Because Elise knows that she herself doesn't believe a single word she's trying to say. Every comfort towards the boy was only for her own needs.

Was that selfish?

Was she selfish?

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"Eli, are you okay?" Alice asks when Lucian halted to look over Elise when she suddenly threw a coughing fit.
____

'You're not okay... ' Cleo whispered gently in her head and she would have leaned towards the comforting feeling he was giving her.

Damn it, she would have if she wasn't feeling so pathetic.

She knows she wasn't. Fuck, she knows that. She doesn't need a reminder. She doesn't need a reminder that she wasn't fine because she knows she wasn't. She knows that.

She wasn't loved for fuck's sake! By the family she have accepted all on her own with all sincerity and honesty! She wasn't loved because they had given it to somebody else! She was too late. Too late, damn it.

This disease proved her that she was unlovable. She was unlovable. That's what the world wanted, wasn't it? They proved her that she was absolutely useless and incapable of giving and receiving love.

"Aubrie!" Elise could hear Cleo's upset tone when he heard her thoughts.

____
"Elise!" Isobel called in panic when Elise still threw a harsh coughing fit. Serafino was already beside Lucian. He was was already trying to pull Elise out of Lucian'a hold to hold her himself. He wanted to check if she was okay.

Elise herself knows that she wasn't.

"Is she sick? Should we go home?" Kieran asks in panic, wondering if he should activate the transportation magic device to bring Elise home.
____

"Then fucking tell me that this disease isn't the proof that the Lazulis doesn't love me!" Elise shouted, pushing Cleo weakly. The boy let her do it because he knows she's just hurt and heart broken and tired. Both physically and mentally.

She's hurting because she's damaged. She already believes that they don't love her. And they do.

Elise could see it.

Elise could see it in their eyes. Their smiles that don't reach their eyes. The teases, the laughter, the small talks, the comforts.

Was it all lies then?

Which was the truth then?

Was it their actions? Was it their words? Was it their kindness? Their anger? Their joys? Their sadness?

Which one was the truth? Which one wasn't?

"Please..." Cleo answered weakly, knowing that he doesn't have any excuses to show. What should he say? That she's loved?

Cleo wouldn't lie. He could never.

Elise already think that everything is a lie.

Why would he add himself to that unending list?