Servant | Taekook English version

Page 5: Diary

[Breaking Benjamin - Dance with the devil]

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......

"My poor head

Not in place

My poor mind

It happened piece by piece."

-Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe.

......

3 January 1590

Being at home again was a warm, friendly and welcoming feeling.

During this discovery that I visited neighboring countries, I noticed what hundreds of books I read made me realize;  There is torment and pain in all thousands of lives from different locations.

While the kid in the monastery was calling out to me from the corner of my mind at every port I visited, I was getting some news and letters.  Although it was impotent to accompany every event about him with these few pieces of paper, I was able to reassure myself a little, thinking that it would be more terrifying not to hear anything.

The dreadful thing was that it took an unbearably long time since my last letter about him.  As I thought of the situations in Hungary, the questions of where he was, what he was doing, and whether he was still alive seemed convicted of eating my brain more.

Jerome is probably ten years old now, and I haven't been able to get a clever letter about him for exactly three months.  I wish I could somehow take him with me that day, his regret is a giant meniscus in my mind.  It was the first time I was cursing my own official work and document work.

I'm like going out of my mind.  Cursed life always offers me the worst.

I sit in my own house in front of my own fireplace, yet the cold inside of me makes my ice even more cold.  It becomes a mass, a wolf falls inside me, my anxiety makes me weak and unhappy.

Where are you Jerome?

Are you still alive?

I beg you, don't make me a late old man.

I cannot be crushed under this burden and devour myself with regret.  Believe me, I have too much time to regret it.

January 5, 1590

I opened my eyes to a rainy, closed climate.  Nice, I was not even able to sleep a little bit.

I'm on a kind of diet with thoughts that I couldn't get rid of.  I was disgusted at feeling so helpless that I could do nothing but walk back and forth in my room and watch the fire.

When he told me that we could send someone to Hungary in our conversation day and night with Seraphim, a few seeds of hope were sprinkled inside me, and my breathless lungs could see a face of breath.  This envoy will go to the convent where Jerome is staying and carry out a large-scale check on our behalf.

Jerome,

If you're still there and you're alive, know that the messenger will get you out of there with a few documents I signed with you.  Something tells me that you are a strong boy and will not hesitate to take a stranger's hand and go somewhere safe.

However, if;  If my fearful dream comes true and cannot find you at the place where the envoy will go, or even worse, even the monastery, I will take over this job completely, accept your responsibility and come looking for you.  I know this is risky and looks strange, but believe me, kid, you'll understand why I did all this when the time comes.