I cuddled up with Snuffles the entire night. Snuffles, the cat I bought from the pet shop as a gift for her birthday. I was not able to sleep. I tried to but the memories of yesterday night made it harder. It felt like I was reliving every moment. I even cried at some point in the night. Every time I close my eyes, I see the same thing, Sung Jae pointing his gun at her, the loud shots, her screams, mine. It was all too much. My bed did not feel comfortable without her.
I prepare myself to see her as I'm walking through the hospital corridors, limping. The nurses try to help me but I brush them off with a fake smile. I did not tell anyone that I would be coming here in the morning.
She is pale - was the first thought that crossed my mind when I saw her.
'You're just as pale as the snow' she had said when we were watching the snowfall from my window, cuddled under the sheets, legs intertwined.
Why did I let this happen to her? I should have been on the bed instead of her. If only I had acted sooner, tried to free myself. The way she used to grab my arm when she used to be scared because of some jump scare in a horror movie, a welcomed warmth to my cold, pale skin, I used to feel so special. I thought she found her comfort in me. Her hands are cold now. What's worse? That happened because of me.
It's so different now. One day I am talking about how I will protect her, be the rock for her and the next I want her to wake up, comfort me because I'm scared, scared of myself because I am the reason she is lying on that bed.
I don't realize when the doors open or when Jungkook walks over to where I'm sitting. His hand on my shoulder brings me back from my thoughts, thoughts that I want to dump somewhere and never look at again.
"Hyung, I'm sorry"
"It's fine, Kook. Not your fault. Not anyone's fault but Sung Jae and her father" and me, but I skip that.
He is standing beside me. I can feel his eyes taking me in, observing me with his doe eyes. I clear my throat, stand up.
"I'll go get some coffee from the cafeteria" he nods.
Empty. That's what I feel. A shell. My thoughts spill, wandering in my head, as I make my way to the cafe. Suddenly, I stand still, feeling a bit dizzy, the walls around me spinning and my legs stumble.
"Hyung? Hyung?!" the voice sounds distanced, as if I'm underwater. My vision clears up a bit to see Hoseok calling over a doctor, the last thing I see before my knees hit the ground.
"I told him not to move too much. His stitches opened up, the blood loss became too overwhelming for his body and it gave up on him. Please ask him to rest. He should not be walking or moving around. It's not good for his wound, for his body. It is just delaying the repair" a voice whispers, clearly talking to someone who is not me. My eyes squinting open the slightest, the action proving to be difficult. What is wrong with me?
"I will see to it, doctor. Sorry for the inconvenience" Namjoon's voice. That is Namjoon's voice. Gravelly yet smooth and calm, composed. Envy flares through me. He is always so composed, calm, no matter the situation. Hazy vision. I lift up my hand towards their bodies, asking for help, trying to. Confusion flooding in my brain.
"Joon-ah" Hoseok's voice drifts over my ears. He found me in the corridor. I collapsed, but what happened next? Why can I not get up? Do I even want to? Do I even deserve to? After what I've done to Erica?
"Something wrong with him doctor?" Namjoon's voice rings again, my brain throbbing at the soft but loud in the otherwise silent room voice. The beeping of the heart rate machine is becoming unbearable. I want it to stop. I want my heart to stop beating.
"No. We've just dozed him up a lot on relief meds. It will help with the pain. He probably doesn't understand anything right now, drugged up. He might be a bit loopy for a couple of hours"
"I want her back. Please can I get her back?" I slur out, not understanding why. I don't want to talk about it, I don't want to remember it. Yet here I am.
"Shhhh hyung. Don't cry. She will come back to you" Hoseok coos in my ear. I want to deny. I'm not crying. A liquid slips down my cheek, leaving a cold track behind it. I am crying. Oh God, I'm crying like a baby. I want her back but this won't help. Crying won't help.
"No she won't. She is sleeping. She won't talk to me. She won't smile at me. She won't even nod. I want her back, I really do" I can't recognise my voice, I've never felt so vulnerable, so broken.
"We know. She will come back soon. As you said, she is sleeping. She will wake up for you. She will talk to you again. She will" Namjoon's firm voice rings again. But this time it feels like my skull is splitting apart, everything is dizzy. I can hear the pounding in my head.
"I want her back, please. I want to hold her, tell her how much I love her. I want to cuddle with her. I-I want her to be with me. I-I want-" I sob. I let go of it all. I can't stuff it inside me anymore. I let it all out.
"Shhh. It's okay hyung. We are there for you. We will be there for her. We will wait, okay? You need to sleep right now. Go to sleep, hyung. Please? For me?" Hoseok's sweet, deep voice rumbles through me. My eyelids droop, feeling heavy. I don't want to go to sleep. I don't want to relive what happened. I don't want to listen to her screams anymore. I don't want to live without her anymore.
Namjoon's point of view:
Hyung relaxed in his sleep. The tears that fell now dried up. I finally shifted my gaze to Hoseok. He was stroking hyung's hair, a frown on his face. Noticing my gaze on him, he speaks.
"I've never seen him so broken, never seen him cry so much" he pauses, collecting himself before continuing "He's always been so strong. Even Seo yeon is just as shaken up from this incident. She is trying to keep calm for the sake of her brother and Jimin but she broke down in her room yesterday night, on the call. I just hope it all returns back to normal as soon as possible"
"It's okay, hyung. She will wake up from the coma soon enough. I was talking with the doctors the other day. They said it's good that she got into a coma, or else they would have chemically induced one"
"Why would they say that?!"
Don't you think that it would be better for her to be in a coma than be awake and go through the pain of recovery? Broken ribs hurt when you breathe. Is it not nice that she is using a machine to breathe? That she is not able to feel that pain?" I argue back.
"Yes. That's true" he says, his voice disheartened.
"I'm not saying that she should not wake up at all. I'm just saying she should wake up when she would feel a lessened amount of pain. It would have hurt hyung more if he saw her in pain the entire time than now"
"You're right"
"You should go home. Take some rest. Jin hyung is coming over soon. We'll be here" he agrees, getting up from his seat beside the bed, his expression gloomy. His hand lingering a bit longer on hyung's arm before he leaves the room, shutting the door behind him.
"It will come when your heart is ready for it" - Anonymous.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
A/N : Hello........I missed an update last Sunday...so here's a double update....check out the next chapter too
