A Dark Star

Chapter 38

Yoongi's point of view:

"No I mean...how are you coping with all of this?" she gestures to Erica.

"D-don't. Don't get into it, please. I think Jimin might be calling you, you should go"

"Please don't shut me out. You can talk to me. I'll not tell it to anyone. Oppa and I have been dating for more than two months now, yet you only got to know about it today. See, I can be pretty secretive. You can trust me" she looks at me expectantly. After a mini debate in my head, I decide to give it a go.

"I miss her" I whisper. She hesitantly brings her hand up to rub my back to try and calm me as I take in a shaky breath. Shaking my head, silently suggesting her not to do it, I try to continue.

"She used to be there with me. And it bugs me every second that I failed to make her happy. I had to protect her, I promised her. I should have been on that bed, not her. She trusted me and I broke that. I could not help her when she needed me the most. I could not even tell her I love her, that she needs to be there for me, that I need her" everything spills out and I'm not able to stop myself.

"No" her voice rings out, firmer than before.

"You were there with her till the end. You had her back and she knew. Oppa told me you went there to save her yourself. You cared about her and she knew it. What would you choose from the two – her to wake up or a billion dollar lottery?"

"Erica. Of course, Erica" my voice raised slightly at the end so I cleared my throat to calm down.

"She knew you would choose her. That is why she fought for you. She could easily have chosen the other guy, prevented the rest of the night. But she knew you loved her just as much as she did to you. She knew you wanted to fight for her too. She chose you by doing this. It's not your fault. She knew she would be risking your life if she chose him. It was her decision. It was her way to protect you. It's not your fault. And trust me when I say that she will come back to you because she needs you too" her hand comes up to wrap me in a hug, ignoring our obvious size difference.

"Don't cry. It's okay. Everything's gonna be okay" she whispers in my ear. It is only then that I notice the salty drops falling and the shake of my shoulders as I try to heave in breaths between my sobs.

"It's not, I'm scared that it's not going to be okay now" I cling to her arm that is wrapped around my chest, burying my face in them, hiding my tears. Embarrassed is the first thing I feel. Comforting is the second and I do not let go of her warmth for a while.

"I-I'm sorry you, you had to see that" I say as I wipe my face with my sleeves and straighten up.

"It's fine. You needed someone to do that for you" she says before giving me a small smile, hopeful that I would return it this time. I do, maybe it's just to make her happy or maybe because she helped me or maybe because she reminds me of her, of the girl lying on the bed, but I offer her a tiny smile.

"Okay, that honestly looked like a grimace" she tries to lighten the mood. I laugh at that, going back to looking at Erica, my hand still interlocked with her.

"See. Now that's a genuine laugh. Will you come have some food? Your friends are worried about you"

"Yeah. I guess I should have something" I sigh, not wanting to let go of her hand.

"Don't worry. I'll get you something. I know you want to stay here with her for the time being and you can do that. Just take care of yourself too. There's people who rely on you. They need you just like you need her. Be there for them. They really worry about you. It's not good to do so but I overheard Namjoon oppa talking about how he is worried you will fall back into your old ways. I don't know what they are but I do know that they must be bad, judging by the way he spoke of them. She would not want you to do anything self-destructive, would she?" I shake my head at her, feeling guilty for making them worry.