A Dark Star

Chapter 41

Jimin's point of view:

It's been four months since her accident. Jinae has been with me for the entire time, taken care of me. I still have nightmares but it's not the same anymore. I don't have her to comfort me. There have been so many nights when I've woken Ji up. Panting, crying, just wishing to give up on life. At least the dreams would stop if I did give up life. I think I moved on a bit though. Started studying, back on track at school, took up noona's job at the café, bought myself an apartment. I could not live in that house anymore. I figured if I really want to move on, I should get out of there. I still visit the hospital sometimes.

I went to the cemetery two months ago. It helped. Talking to mom helped. I cried a lot that day. It was nice, letting it all out, memories of all those years, told her why noona was not visiting her, asked her to bring her back to us. I felt like I was back home, only it was the wind caressing my hair instead of mom's hand. I started spending almost all of my free time there when Jinae was not free. I started bringing fresh flowers to her grave every day, wishing that maybe noona will wake up the next day.

Sometime in the last month, I got a call from the hospital asking if I wanted to stop her air supply. I refused. I don't want to kill my sister, not when I still have a bit of hope that she will come back to me, to Yoongi hyung. I requested him to look for other girls to date, to meet new people but he said he doesn't want to, doesn't care if he wastes his life by sitting by her bed.

Taehyung and Seo yeon noona have been of great help to get me back up after the fall. I wish I could do something in return for them. Speaking of Seo yeon noona, my phone rings as I go back to the changing rooms at the café, my shift ending five minutes ago.

"Hey Jimin. How are you doing?" her cheerful voice rings in my ear.

"Doing great noona. Something important?"

"No. I just wanted to meet you in person, wanted to discuss about something"

"Everything alright?"

"Yeah....just...can you come to the 'In and Out' café at the end of our street, please?"

"Yeah sure"

"Hmm thanks Jimin. See you soon"

"Yeah bye" I end the call before calling for a cab, asking the driver to take me to the café.

Seo yeon noona was waiting for me, sitting at one of the far corners. She raises her hand so that I can spot her. I make my way over to her. The closer I get, the better I can see her dishevelled state. Her hair unmade, leg jerking up and down, hands crossed on the table, the nail of her fore finger of her right hand between her teeth, not quite bitten down on yet, her eyebrows furrowed as if deep in thought, her back hunched.

"Noona you look terrible. What happened? Everything alright?" my first thought going to Tae's well-being.

"Yeah. I just....I don't know what is wrong with me"

"Huh? Is everyone at home okay?"

"Yeah yeah everyone's doing just fine. I really don't know what is happening with me though"

"You can talk to me. What is going on?"

"I mean I have never felt like this, ever. I don't even know how it happened. It just somehow did and I-I-I don't want this. I don't know how...I-I'm scared. What if I'm not enough? What if he's not into me? What if I'm taking this all wrong? I don't know why I'm feeling these things..." it's like she never heard me in the first place.

"Hey....noona I need you to take deep breaths yeah? Calm down for me and then speak. You're talking too fast" she nods and tries to talk but I cut her off.