His reasons are always the same. One slap, because I was a mistake. Two kicks, because he's stuck with me. Three punches, because in his eyes I'm a disgrace, and lastly, the final knockout hit because I'm the reason why his life was destroyed.
• • •...
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
" I know everything happens for a reason, but sometimes I wish I knew what that reason was "
- Unknown
∞
The distinct sound of my sneakers slapping against the pavement rang through my ears, loud enough to drown out my quiet sobs.
The incident with Mason left me in a wreck. His words shouldn't have gotten to me that easily, but for some ridiculous and unexplainable reason, I valued his opinions. He always approached thoughts and ideas calmly with intelligence and without bias, so to hear his opinion of me, so full of loathing, it was like a kick to the gut.
There was only one person in the world that I wanted to talk to right now. Only one person that I knew could make me feel better in a crisis such as this one, but that one person that I could trust with anything was buried six feet under. I ran and ran until I reached the entrance, charging down the gravel path deeper and deeper into the woods. I angrily slapped a branch out of my way, only for it to swing back and smack me in the face.
"Son of a-" I scream out of frustration as I tumble into the clearing where a small, quiet graveyard waits. I ran to my mother's grave, nearly tripping over my own feet in the process.
"Mom, I'm so sorry," I sat there, crying into my knees, my body shaking with each sob.
Minutes slowly turned into hours, the sun had began falling behind the trees in the horizon and dark grey clouds concealed the bright beautiful sunset, reflecting my gloomy mood. Minutes later, the sky began crying with me, drenching my clothes - yet I still refused to go home. Eventually, I had no more tears to cry.
"I wish you were here, Momma. So much is happening - so much has happened since you left. I want you to come back," I choked on a sob "but I know that's not possible, and that's on me."
"Sometimes, I lie awake in bed at night, wondering what it would be like if I hadn't screwed up that night. If I would've just shut my mouth and listened to Dad. You would still be here, with me. We'd be a happy family, together." my voice cracked at the end.
Together. If I hadn't made such a big mistake, my mother would still be here. It's all my fault you're not here with us, Momma.
With that thought stuck in my mind on repeat, I pushed myself to my feet and began my long walk home.
∞
The next morning I texted Gemma and told her that I wasn't feeling good. School was the last thing on my mind right now, and even after a night's rest (or as much rest as I could get), fighting with Mason and then talking to my mom left me physically and mentally drained. Not to mention the beating I received from my father last night.
