About six months before graduation, I struggled with decisions to the point of going crazy (more). After I finish studying, I will have to leave Singapore because of the expiration of my residency, and I have absolutely no idea what to do next. My blog is not big enough to be called a career, if I want to stay in Singapore and pursue it till the end I have to find a full-time job. What to find, where to work, is there a place to pay enough for my house, food, and my passion without making me wilt from boredom? If I move out of Singapore, where do I go? Places I have passed or places I have not yet visited? Asia? Australia? Africa? Europe? Then what will I be doing there?
'm not a realist. Even when working as a hired laborer, I think I am a princess waiting for my time. Everything people have to worry about, how I lived through it for twenty years in a row. People worry about going to school, I only worry about dropping out of school, people worry about going to work.
Suddenly I was in a crate by normal life, I sat there because I had no instinct to struggle with growing people. It is possible to blame life when a child is shielded too much not to think about daily life, maybe to blame the adult life exposed to the street too not worrying about life, I don't know. I don't know how much a bunch of veggies costs, but I know exactly how much I need to make a garment like Iron Man. Far from the world and floating in space, I'm too alone for someone to drag me to the ground. If everything were 0 or 1 billion, 999999999 in the middle I jumped like a 5th grade exercise.
Yet during those six months, I lived exactly at the age of twenty. Maybe it's just a demo of your teenage life, but it stuns me. When I graduated in my twenties, what do you do now, where do you go home, what is your future? The first time I told others about what made me confident and that someone understood and shared the same situation, it made me paranoid that sometimes I just went through puberty and this is real life. Maybe because of that, the Earth is vast, I went home. I go back to Hanoi.
I believe blindly that this will be a good opportunity for me to leave the virtual world, return to the arms of my friends, that Vietnam will be my detox camp. But I was wrong, too wrong, after it was all over and I carried the last bag of my luggage to the small, hole-like dorm in the old town near Bo Ho, I knew right away I had just made the most wrong decision in the whole Life has had too many of my mistakes.
As a child living far away, every time I have the opportunity to go home, Hanoi is a "safe place" to me. Every time life in Singapore is so suffocating, I run home for winter and feel a little better. But I forgot, how cold Hanoi can be. Never, never return to a place that holds good memories, because there is no land of happiness. All are just moments, those feelings belong to a moment that you unfortunately have while you are at home. Time does not go backwards, so space never returns you at the right time. In return, the more you try to dig into things in the past, you will only see all the rubbish that you overlook while looking at glittering things, then that land will be just an empty lot. a huge hole in the middle, made by yourself.
The clearest feeling at that moment, which enveloped all the other emotions, was a lack. My Hanoi painting is painted with a multicolored tin box. Friendship faded away. Going everywhere are old questions with familiar faces and unfamiliar people: Have you come back to Vietnam, since when did you come back, have you gone to work, and have a coffee tomorrow. My life in Hanoi is like coffee promises, it is a void of promise, trying to hold on to what has been past is not happening.
The homework is also the affirmation that you are still what you need to do, you still have to do, you still laugh, you still breathe, no one really cares how you are, as long as it doesn't affect to others. It's no one's fault, the eyes are not meant to see deeper than they appear, but the mouth is not made to tell the truth. My Thao, when I was living in Singapore, I cried out sad, Thao told everyone: "He was very boring, he stayed at the hospital all the time, he didn't know how long he could live." When I returned to Vietnam and Thao opened the door and still saw me alive, Thao said: "It's okay, it's just a little sadness."
My Lover chose to stay in Singapore. I told you to go anywhere, I still have a job, I have a Singapore citizen card to keep, I can't go anywhere with you. I want to hold on and cry, but I can only tell him that I hate distance. My Lover said: "I've never been in Singapore." It is too undeniable, I don't give it away but keep asking for it back. Far far away, we are further away, we say goodbye at the airport, not a day to see you again, without a plan for the future of both, just: "Remember to text me when you arrive." He always said, "I still have responsibility." I wanted to say, "What about responsibility for me?", But couldn't say it out loud. I'm not the reliant type, I'm not the reliant type, I'm not the weak type.
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Lỗi - Error 404 English Translation
Non-Fiction"Finally, my autobiography book, Error 404 is out, after 2 years of work. It actually took me only 6 months to write 99% of the book, but couldn't write the ending for a long, long time. I wrote a book about a child who was sexually abused, unhappy...
