Like so many other things, I am overly concerned with the book I'm writing. I worry about life because there are too many, too many things that can go wrong even for a moment, and the book about life is no different.
I am poor, I know. Refrigerator is full of Greek pink sea salt and a few dozen bottles of American hand-carried salad sauce but no food. Central area on the street is a three-step walk to Bo Ho, but there is only a thin cushion glued to the floor, no furniture but there are a few purebred pocket sized cats and dogs. I used an iPhone that came out last month to check my online bank account with only about twelve thousand dong in it.
The more later, the greater the irony. I am not a market blogger, so I always do it in a go-to-nothing manner. I do not allow myself to accept any contract for money, because I know in my situation, if I did it for the first time I would have a second, and I am not the type of seller/negotiator myself. . I only accept the things I really like, and the brands in the market dare not hire a daughter with a cut full of herself and all day long, it's too controversial, so the little money I get from Real fashion designers, I pour/contribute them revenue into taking images and photos again. For many years working as a blogger, I have never worn the same clothes, took the same place, the same concept, and the lifespan of the profession is already silver, I do not understand how much I wobble.
Just like how one day I realize how much I hate my life, one fine day I realize I will hate my life book so much. Life hates me too, so the book about life hates me too ... Then everyone's gazes at me (or looking at each other after looking at me) are normally really depressing, now they are even more depressed and much more pain. Then maybe my book will be another book for sisters, unrelated to some lofty goals, generally all the boring stuff up until now will be added up. and multiply by the book's print volume.
About a third of it I was sure this book would be a joke.
I laughed two-thirds out of the book, when I realized I worried too much about how it would turn out when I finished writing. I laughed at my soul when I realized my life wouldn't translate at all, for better or for worse, simply nothing would happen even if I shared my story, and I was worried about an end there might be. It does not happen.
2016 is the first new year I have been in Vietnam alone since studying abroad. I often pretend I don't notice it and all other holidays, ignore the world, and never mind that I'm alone. But the truth is I care about leaving my mother, I impatiently want to die, and I want to die.
Every New Year to spring, I have to fly away from the cold, one country a year, every day smeared a new joy to tell myself that I am fine. Yeah, I'm having a lot of fun going out here, the weather is so bad, I have met many new friends, and so on again and again until I really believe it. Korea, India, Thailand, Tibet, the Philippines, I go on ice, the phone is always on the airplane mode, so that when I return home, it is normal days with normal worries.
The place I go to the most for the holidays is Las Vegas, where everyone seems to have something to hide, so no one questioned why. Where there were no windows, no days and no nights, the perfect temperature neither hot nor cold, the pleasures were endless and eternal. I never reached the age of twenty-one, still hid to watch the striptease show, took the slot machine to find 3 7s every night. No food, no sleep, really in Vegas, you never knew it was three hours, three days or three weeks, it was a perfect escape place. The card kept swiping, I was happy, when I got back there was also something to share with my friends that this year's Vietnamese New Year (Tet) is too expensive.
However, I do not understand what I think, Tet 2016, I went straight back to Vietnam.
Now that I think about why I did that, I can't remember, maybe it's simply because I don't think, just go and go. Maybe I feel it's time, time to go back and face my fear, I'm twenty-one. Besides, in the past when I did not live in Vietnam, I said I could leave, now I live here, my life here, I didn't even leave home for several months, how was there any reason to leave in December?
But the cowardice in me triumphed, it made me think, I was afraid that I could not live seven days, even through New Year's Eve, so the 28th New Year's Eve just arrived in Hanoi, even sitting in Less than five minutes at home, I used all the money in the annual Tet fund to buy enough needles, ke, candy, stones, mushrooms, let me and my friends fly. I decided to knock myself out for the rest of the week so I wouldn't have to look at the loser's face in the mirror and make her brush her teeth every morning.
I write a tight schedule of toys, so that after one episode I will get another one. Tet 2016, all is just a shadow. My consciousness faded away with fun, like a storm, I just saw the beginning and the black end had arrived.
But ironically, after fun after fun, I still languish in not understanding where the joy is.
You called me, told me to get a toy, I brought it to you. On New Year's Eve, I sat in my house less than 20 square meters, feeling an endless helplessness. Every year of the year-end house cleaning broom, year-end greetings to relatives at the end of the year, it made me tighten and stir up something unknown in my heart. Tù pushes the door open at exactly five o'clock in the afternoon, the first exhale is: "In the new year, my mother and mother have no one.
After saying that, he knew immediately that he had just missed his mouth when my room was dark, he looked at me blankly with the dim light of the laptop screen, laughed loudly and sighed, sat down on the night, the only furniture I have in the house, covered in black sheets and covered with fire ashes.
He laughed again, I laughed nervously in response, he asked: "Do you have some rocks?"
The night of 29, no fussy or complicated, me, it and the clad of ice, watching the Apples together. The apple army in 2016 was a bit pale. Playing drugs is just borrowing. Get the fun of this one on a night now. We play, because we don't have tomorrow. We play, because we only need to stay together for one night. We all know, it's nothing but a few hours of hugging, but really, when you are poor with love, a little warmth is enough. It was false, it was perfectly wrong, for it was a unity in the minds of people who lost their minds. We were wrong, we repented, but gave us one more night, one night through the new year, another year, another morning to come.
YOU ARE READING
Lỗi - Error 404 English Translation
Non-Fiction"Finally, my autobiography book, Error 404 is out, after 2 years of work. It actually took me only 6 months to write 99% of the book, but couldn't write the ending for a long, long time. I wrote a book about a child who was sexually abused, unhappy...
