Lỗi - Error 404 English Translation

Phần 4 (T208 - 213)

But, of course, the ending of the story doesn't stay here.

Since coming back to Vietnam, I have a friend named Phuong, who takes pictures for my blog. The two of us worked together all the time, so we talked a lot, and we became close quite quickly. But still not close enough, the kind of time we had together was not enough, but just beautiful enough to smoke cigarettes to talk about life once in a while. Phuong is like me, we are similar people that have many plans and ambitions, so we understand each other through common grounds, wholeheartedly for the work.

One fine day, although money was not available and time was always short, Phuong told me that he would travel across Vietnam on the far side to take a photo shoot. He kept asking me to follow along, I didn't go, I simply could go if I took the motorbike, but from the house and taking the car, I couldn't do it. Then how crazy is it, he's gone, and I called again and said: "Hey, let me go." At that time, i was thinking of nothing, simply finding a way to run away from something invisible that had suddenly appeared, but at the same time thought, maybe I would find a happy ending for me.

Phuong told me he would bring a friend of him along, someone I have never met before, I could take a train with, rent a motorbike with him, named Nam, in Hue, then go together to Saigon.

I am scared. I wasn't originally a person comfortable with strangers, but somehow at that time, I had such a certain degree of certainty that I wanted to go. I inbox Mr. Nam, and asked: "Brother, can you come with me?" He said, "Yes." I was surprised, but it was a good surprise. I went alone, I have never gone anywhere alone with a stranger, so I was terribly nervous. Carrying things in my pocket, more than an hour later I was at the train station waiting for Mr. Nam to arrive.

Just met on the train, he told me not to carry my bag, I refused, because there was a pile of virtual mushrooms and LSD I packed with instant noodles.

He got on the train with me, he said he never played with anything (drugs), then he took the LSD and stuffed it in his mouth.

From there, the whole trip, it was enough.

It's really hard to talk about what happened while we were walking, driving, flying, swinging together. We talk about everything, yet we don't talk about anything. We went from freezing to death, setting fires and laying together on the beach, to the sun breaking headlines pouring fire on our motorbikes 140 kilometers an hour. His hair was messy, his face was scorched, smelly and dirty. We laughed a lot, and worried a lot. But out of everything, it was still just enough.

Enough to let me think what we can be, with each other. Enough to let me want you to be mine. Enough to let me wonder what each of your questions are, what you really ask.

Just two days, sitting next to each other on a boat, I realized that I had absolutely no idea what I would be, with you, but I was completely wrong with "your Lover."

I realized why my lover is always standing there. Not because he's always supporting me even though he doesn't understand - it's that he's scared. Fear filled and burning, it clung to us, sticky like the summer sun, making me think it was the adrenaline of love. I am forever and always an unknown to him, and he does not want to understand, so he just stood there and watched. Maybe because you're afraid, if you understand me then you don't want me anymore, but I follow your truth is the right choice: You always tell me I am talented, educated, and have the potential to do all for you. Maybe because you're afraid that, if you get it, you won't be you anymore, because I'm right, because life is real crap, and you will forever hurt once you decide to look at the truth, push the door in.

I said goodbye to him, and amazed myself when I didn't feel anything. At least it should be a throb, right? But no, nothing. I dig, forever, not find any tears flowing inside and out, and also not (can) be disappointed by that.

Mr. Nam, I tell you life is sad, I talk a lot, I can't remember when I last said that much. I broke down, I said so that my hands were shaking every now and then, and my voice broke, bro, you were so sad, and I saw him have the face of a cancer relative in the hospital. I'm sorry, talking, it must've made you bored. He said yes, yes, boring. Later he also said: "Yes Nhi, happy or sad, and without you I don't have anything." But that is the story of the latter. At that time, he said he was bored, very bored, but he laughed widely, and I just thought he smiled beautifully.

Just like that, we held hands, we did not know where to go, but it was a slippery, steep road, we clung together and let everyone see where we went. I still see the warmth of his hand, and for the first time in a long time, I see the wind blowing in my ears, realizing that my temperature is higher than the east wind in Hanoi. Five days after we met, we hugged each other in the night, we reeled from each other in our dreams, and for the first time in a long time, I no longer feared touches.

Just like that, just like that.

No love, no promises, and I was suddenly scared. Walking the whole Earth alone, in a mental hospital, using enough substance to kill a horse, I'm still grumpy and all of a sudden now I'm scared of something invisible without a name. I asked him: "If I invite you again after this trip, will you go?", And he kissed me at some Central train station.