why is it you?

chapter 10: the one thing important.

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Killua's pov:

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Killua looked into his eyes and blushed about to say the one thing that was going to say.

He would no longer be a chicken. He would say what he was going to say. He would say it with pride and without hesitation. He would face his problem like a  man and not look back. That would be what he was going to do.

Except it didn't happen that way.

"Gon... Can we maybe for and go to the place that I wanted to show you now?" No no no!! That was not what he wanted to say at all!! Him and his stupid dumb mouth!! Now gon would think that he didn't like it!! But he did!!

He could tell that he hurt him as he turned around and his body started to shake a little. Dammit!! He didn't mean it like that!! He wished he could take it all back!!

"G-gon I...!!" His voice started to crack and he held out his hand to him then pulled it back. He'd done enough he didn't need to burden him more. "C-common killua lets go ok? Or we might not get there before dark!!"

He started to run with his back to killua. So killua then had to run as fast as his totally out of shape legs. Dam he needed to run more. He watched as gon doged every branch, tree, pond, stump, rock, and stream in amazement.

He followed best as he could even though he wasn't as lithe as gon and stealthy as him. He kept tripping over every dam rock and almost everything in the dam way. But he had to keep him in his sight. Or eles he might loose sight of him forever.

He wouldn't be able to live if that happened to him. Every time he fell or tripped he got back up immediately. He sped up as gon jumped over one more branch and realization dawned on him. He didn't know where he was going.

GON!! WAIT UP FOR A MOMENT WILL YOU!? YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE YOUR GOING!! THAT'S WHY I WANTED TO BE IN FRONT!!"

he stoped Arubutally and turned back to face him slowly as killua pushed one last sprint catching up to him, panting like a mad-dog. He was smiling and sticking his tongue out, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly.

"Whoops sorry about that kill!! Please take the lead" Gon laughed although he didn't remotely think that there was anything funny about this whatsoever. He was pissed that gon didn't listen to him and cracked his knuckles standing up. Oh he would make him pay dearly for that.

"Yeah. I'm taking the lead thank you very much gon!! But now I'm probably sure that were lost so good luck trying to find our way back Even!!" He spread out his arms growling a little.

This is why gon should wait before he did things!! He should wait on him and depend on him or else he would be lost again. He sighed rubbing his temple as he'd calmed down a little.

He looked up and his eyes met a crying gon's eyes staring right back. Killua quickly softened and looked at him holding out his arms to him. "I-its all my fault again...!! I-im to blame...!! I-im sorry killua!!"

He quickly climbed a tree. Or he attempted to. But he watched him as he couldn't do it. Every struggle and sob as he tried brung him down. That was probably beacuse he was a dog. And knowing how killua was a cat he coould.it would very no problem for him.

He quickly wrapped his arms around him and pulled him down into his lap. He rubbed his head softly smiling to himself at every sob and stroke of his hand. "K-killua...!!" He started struggling a little hyperventilating.

Killua continued to hold him tighter in his arms. He made cooing noises to his love soothing him. He sighed and held him closer as the hyperventilating continued on and on and on. He would have to put him down soon.

No not kill him but just knock him out for awhile. That is if he calmed down after awhile. If he didn't well he was going to have to sleep until he did. He looked him in the eyes and made him face him to see if he Was going to calm down.

Well he didn't. So killua had to resort to the thing that he didn't want to do. Hit gon to knock him out. He brought his hand down in contact with his neck and hit it  hard as he could. He watched as gon's eyes widened and he slowly fell into the larger males arms.

He wrapped them around him tight, as any jealous over protective, possessive boyfriend would be, and looked around to where they were. Any clues could lead him on. And his eyes searched on every leave and branch.

But he couldn't tell anything that might lead him on at all. Talk about a brain fart. But this was so not the time to have one!! He needed answers!! And his brain was so not helpful at the moment. "Thanks a lot you worthless piece of shit brain..."

He mumbled to no one in particular. He just wanted to say it. Now think killua... If I was a lake where would I be hiding? No dumb question duh, there are lots of trees. Doesn't help me any.

Ok killua... Look don't just assume think. What is there in the forest? Ok yes trees... But what else... Argh!! No good. But wait... Was that tree... No was it the same as the other trees? Right? He hadn't really paid close attention to the trees.

Now he wished that he really had. Son of a gun this was hard. Now he knew what gon felt like when it came to math. Confused as hell. Not that he wasn't confused with math either. He still wasn't convinced that it was just used as a torturement for kids, to get them to behave.

Sense nobody was here he decided to voice out his opinions to the trees. And it was a very... Creative vocabulary... Let's put it that way. "BLOODY HELL!! ARGHHHHHHH!!!" yes he was mad. Very mad in fact. But it wasn't beacuse of gon.

It was because of himself. He made all of this happen because of his one stupid choice. He'd hurt gon beacuse of his one stupid choice. He hurt his love and that was unforgivable. He banged his head against the tree wanting to start over and meet gon again with a new life. And a new him.

But that probably wouldn't happen like that knowing him and his stupid bad luck that he was cursed with. He probably wouldn't start over there would be nothingness and sorrow. Being alone. Without a light to guide him he knew that he would soon be lost.

He probably wouldn't find it again and gon was his olny light that kept him from killing himself. He was his anchor that kept his feet on the ground when he was sinking down deep. And nothing could every replace that.

Not even a real anchor.

That was the one thing important that he had to say...