why is it you?

chapter 22: you can't take it back...

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Killua's pov:

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He turned as white as paper could be. But it was really hard to tell if it was his normal white or if it was just by his answer he was about to say. He opened his mouth and his lips started to move but no sound came out. Why was he so scared in telling gon why? It wasn't a bad reason. No not at all. So why did his body disagree with him on that matter?

He had to give an answer soon on account of gon staring at him wondering what was wrong with him. He cursed himself inwardly and tried again. Why was this so hard!! Ugh why couldn't he say it!! He began to claw out his hair in frustration groaning to himself. Now of course gon was going to ask what's wrong by now.

"Killua?! What's wrong!? Why are you clawing out your hair like that? What's so bad that you can't tell me?" Called it. "N-nothing baka!! I-im perfectly fine!! Nothing to worry about!! I'm just perfect little old me!!" He grinned wide and he probably looked like an idiot doing that. But hey now at least he could tell gon with a straight face...or so He thought.

He sighed and took a deep calming breath. Type of these situations you just had to breathe and then stay calm. He'd learned a thing or two from kurapika's friend Melody. He was going to sat it now that he calmed down. He was going to say it and no longer be a chicken!! It was the turning point of the war!! And it was looking in his favor!! He was going to win it!!

"Gon... The reason that I can't hurt you is because... You're so cute. And I don't want to see your lovely face broken into a million to a thousand pieces.... " No no NO!! stupid mouth of his!! He hadn't wanted to say that at all!! His stupid mouth was playing games with him and he didn't like it. Not one bit. He groaned and face planted his forehead. Gon had to be so confused by now. He planned to make it right.

"No no no!! I'm sorry my mouth is against me today and it's a war. But I wasn't going to say that at all!! What I was going to say was I really love you and I seriously can't bear to see you get hurt. That's why I can't tell you that you did wrong or hurt me. You would surely be hurt by that a lot. Sorry for confusing you love..." And right when he said that last line was right when he felt a stabbing pain in his side of his neck.

He cried out and felt around for what had caused him that pain. It wasn't pleasent that's for sure. But you wanna know what it was? That little shit had chomped down. Right on his vital spot. And it fucking hurt like a butt cheek on a stick. He so wanted to do it back to him!! He squirmed away from him and rubbed his neck glaring at him. "What the hell!! I just want telling the truth like you wanted!! Did I say something wrong!? I just said what you asked!!"

He growled and looked at him with an expression that he couldn't say no to. Alright fine he decided to listen to what he had to say. "Listen up killua!! Why I bit you was because I don't like you to say that you will get hurt for my sake!! So don't say it from now on!!" He just couldn't hold back his tears after that. He started to cry in front of his gon. Now this is an embarrassment that he would never get over.

Gon just watched him and smiled
And then he hugged the smaller male tight. Well that made him blush and squirm to get out of the smaller ones grasp. After all he was supposed to be the dominate one right? Wasn't that his rule in the relationship? Besides he didn't like being the bottom. Not at all. And he wasn't just about to stand by as he was the bottom.

He wined like a little puppy and looked at him with those beautiful blue kitten eyes. And he could see that he couldn't say no to the male. "Aw kiwauwaaaa!! You know I cant say no to the face that your making!! Fine what is it that you want?" He smirked and flipped them over so that he was exactly underneath him. Now this position was perfect.

He blushed as if he was remembering last nights... Ah activities. He of course would always remember them. How could he ever in the right mind forget his perfect last night by the one he loved. Well HE wouldn't but he didn't know about gon. He couldn't speak for him.

"So... I suppose that your... Remembering last night's activities? No? Because it's fine if your not... But I am just so you know... Not to sound creepy or anything... Buttttt yeah I do... And I would never forget it not even if my life were on the line." Gon smiled and held his cheeks together. He blushed and let him.

"Of course I remember beautiful. You know I would never forget last night on my life as well. I love you killua. I always have and I always will." He pulled him down to his height and kissed his cheek making no move to move him off of him. He liked that he didn't want to take him off from the Dominance.

But he couldn't let this go on much longer. He still had something that he needed to do that gon wouldn't let him say till now. And he could finally say it. Finally. "Oi gon I'm sorry for moving you, and I really wish that we could stay like this forever but... More urgent matters take place right now." He cocked his head and watched him waiting for an explanation.

He smiled and pulled him up to sit on his lap. He still watched him Curiously and waited for his explanation. He was going to give him one. "Alright gon!! Remember when I said that I had wanted to go with you somewhere? Well actually were almost there so!! I'll go ahead and tell you!! I was actually not planning for all this and I was going to bring you to the lake!! But as you can see... It didn't quite work out like that!! Gomen!!" He bowed and put his hands together hoping for his forgiveness. Of course gon was going to give it to him without anything having to be done. He really didn't deserve someone as pretty and as bright as gon.

He was a murder and he had been one almost all his life. Until he met his ball of sunshine... And then his life changed for the good. All because he found out about his bright ray. His life had changed in a split second. Be would forever be grateful for that moment. And he wished that it wouldn't ever change. But of course he always jinxed everything he had ever said. It would happen but later after everything had already been established.

And he would regret that moment for the rest of his life. He couldn't ever take it back. And he didn't know how many times he so wished he could. He eventually got over it but not without many tear filled nights. It was the hardest time of his life. He had to admit. Never would he forget so he had to make it up to gon any way he could.

And he was going to do just that. Starting today!! He wouldn't fail like last time!! This would be different!! And he wouldn't let anything change anymore. He pulled gon up and he stumbled. Killua caught him laughing and steadying him right. "Common silly!! Let's go to the place that I was supposed to take you!! The lake!!"

He luaghed and followed the male closely behind running off to find the sparkling clear refresher that awaited their presence.