Little things - Taekook (ON HIATUS)

Chapter 31

YOUR CHOICE: it's time for a dance date, lads!!! I checked, and I haven't worked on this since September. I'll try to be better about it, in future, but I can't promise I can update every week like I did when it started. To all the new readers that have come across this book since then, welcome to the weirdness that is Little Things. I hope you enjoy your first update. 

After the drama of the show, it's a while before I see Taehyung again. Even though I'm technically his caregiver, life takes over for a week or so, as my first year of university draws to a close. I'm stuck in rehearsals a lot more, and I even have to reduce the amount of time I spend helping out at the dance school, because otherwise I'll never get everything I need to do done. I even have a few essays to write, on techniques and decisions and that sort of thing, and there's a part of me that's dreading it. 

I feel awful. Of course I do. The last time I saw him, we kissed, and it must seem like I'm avoiding him at all costs. But I do my best, texting him whenever I get the chance, giving him updates on how my essays are going. His ability to read doesn't vanish with the shift in headspace, of course, so that helps. The spelling changes a little at times, I guess, but it's better than nothing. And for that week, all I can do is talk to him on the phone. 

He doesn't seem to mind too much, thankfully, and Hoseok and Yoongi are similarly understanding. When I explain the situation to Hoseok, apologising for my occasional lateness, he simply asks Haekyeon to take over some of my classes for a while so that I can focus on the upcoming exams. Lisa and I pair up to take notes, figure out everything we need in order to make our practical piece as good as it's going to be, test each other on the theory stuff. It's chaotic, and even when I'm talking to Tae on the phone, I miss him. Hearing his smile through his voice isn't enough. 

So I start trying to figure out how to make it work. How to give him the date he deserves after everything we've figured out together, without totally ignoring the responsibilities I have. Neither of us want me to just throw my life to the side for his sake, and he'd never ask me to do that even if I offered. We may be in some sort of strange limbo between friendship and dating, but that doesn't mean that I can just ignore my exams, forget about the university stuff. I can't be reckless. My future is depending on what I manage to do, and I can't ignore that. 

I work out a time, and start to ask Hoseok for ideas, on how he managed to sway Yoongi. When I first approach him, he laughs a little, tells me I have nothing to worry about. But he must see the seriousness in my eyes, because he doesn't turn me away. He simply suggests that I ask Yoongi to help with the planning process, because he will know what his stepbrother wants more than anyone else. 

And it's true. Regardless of headspace, Yoongi acts as a perfect second opinion for any of the ideas I throw at him. There are times where I have to face up to the reality that Tae and I are different people, with different interests and needs, and I can't always expect him to want something complex or simple that I've come up with out of nowhere. Yoongi reminds me that I'm doing my best, and even if the date itself is terrible, Taehyung will know that it's no reflection on how much I care about him. We're not doing this to find out if we're compatible, we're just making the most of a free moment. That's all. 

That's true, but I'm still nervous, regardless. I can't shake the idea that I'm going to fuck it up somehow, that I'm going to make him upset, that he'll hate me if I mess this up. There's a hidden part of me that wonders if this is all some dream in itself, that I'm pretending that we really kissed, and everybody else is just playing along with my strange hallucination, telling Tae in secret that I'm going insane. 

But I can't think like that. I have to focus on him, what we have, everything like that. He's important to me, more than I think he realises, and it's hard to believe that we didn't get introduced at the start of this year. It feels like I've known him forever. And yet here we are, maybe ten or eleven months on, already starting to change the label of our relationship. It doesn't feel like we're going too fast, though I'm not sure of how he feels. It's hard to tell at times, through text.